so frustrating

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Danielle, Apr 14, 2009.

  1. Danielle

    Danielle New Member

    I am 29 years old and am a single mother. My daughter is 3 1/2 years old. I don't even know where to begin!
    My daughter has a very definite personality. She is spoiled from every angle, I spoil her because I feel bad she is in a situation where her mom and dad are not together. Her daycare spoils her, her grandmother (fathers mother) spoils has gotten to the point where it is out of control. The other day her Aunt (from her father's side) suggested that she may have a behavior problem because she has temper tantrums. She went on and on about how she is a nurse and she took care of this 4 year old boy who was mentally challenged. She took him to a program every day called Head Start and saw alot of other behavior challenged children. She told me that my daughter's episodes remind her of other children at this program. I think her behavior is normal for a spoiled three year old but perhaps I am in denial? Let me break down the situation from Sunday. It was 8:30 p.m. on Easter, she had been up since 8:30 a.m. excited about Easter. She told her Grandma she wanted to watch Little Bear, grandma thought she said "Little Bill". my daughter became so frustrated that she cried for 10 minutes, I finally got there and asked her what was wrong, she was so upset she threw up all over me! after calming her down and figuring out what she wanted i told her to use her words instead of crying. The fit was over. But the Aunt thinks that the tantrums should have phased out by now. I made an appointment with her pediatrician, I am taking the Aunt with me so she can be told my a doctor nothing is wrong. Am I doing the right thing here?
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    What behaviors do people see that concern them?
    Most kids are "spoiled." I know all my kids were spoiled rotten. But not all spoiled kids through fits because they don't get their way.
    How is your daughter's early development?
    Any psychiatric problems in your family or her biological father's? They can be hereditary.
    I don't think a pediatrician will know if your child has a problem. It's not his area of expertise.
    Tell us more, and welcome to the board.
  3. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    Hi Danielle,

    If you think she's been spoiled big time by you as her primary caregiver, I'd suggest starting by taking parenting classes and by getting grandparents and daycare on board. If it's a case of being spoiled, consistent parenting should turn things around fairly quickly. If the problems persist after that, then would be the time to consider evaluations. I really do suggest the classes though, in order to give you a plan and not just go about it in random fashion.

    Hope this helps.
  4. Danielle

    Danielle New Member

    Thanks for taking the time to reply.
    There aren't any behavior/psychological problems on my side of the family. On her biological fathers side, he has two nephews who have ADHD and were treated for that during they're teenage years.
    The behavior that concerns them is the temper tantrums. She can cry and carry on about the same thing for 20-30 minutes. She sometimes throws herself on the floor, sometimes pushes things off of tables. There isn’t any hitting or self inflicted pain/injuries though. They feel that they should have phased out by now. I have done a lot of research on them and they say they should phase out by four which gives us four months. She also whines a lot. Daycare and myself are on the same page as far as handling the situation. We both tell her to stand in a quiet area until she is finished and most of the time she will come out and say "I am done". The grandmother on the other hand consoles her and gives her anything to make her stop.
    Her early development was right on target, I have done a lot of research on that and she is right where she needs to be. It is just the temper tantrums and whining that are the problem!
    I know that the pediatrician is not the person who would diagnose her but for insurance purposes, I have to start there and get a referral from her.
    Thanks for the welcome :)
  5. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    What's her speech like? Is she delayed at all or does she seem very advanced in speech compared to her peers?

    Is she sleeping well?

    It's really hard at this age to determine whether what you're seeing is just difficult behavior by nature of temprament, difficult behavior because there's something going on (ie neurological/behavioral/mental health) or difficult due to a reason (ie I only bring this one up because you've mentioned that she has been spoiled). I think a good book for you would be What Your Explosive Child Is Trying to Tell You: Discovering the Pathway from Symptoms to Solutions by Dr. Douglas Riley. Take a read through it and see if anything there rings a bell.
  6. Danielle

    Danielle New Member

    Thank you for the reply :)
    Her speech is great. She has spoken clearly since she started! I think She may be a bit advanced in her speech, she uses big words and uses them correctly. She talks in complete sentences. Sometimes she speaks and I don't know what she is saying, however it happens when she is tired and I tell her to stop talking silly talk.
    Sleep....I have taken naps away from her in the last year or so because if she takes a nap, she can easily be up to 12 or 1 at night! When she doesn't nap she is in bed by 10. For some reason it seems like she doesn't like to sleep or doens't want to sleep. When she had a crib she would fall asleep and sleep through the night no problem. Once we got the toddler bed, it was a whole different ball game! We are going on week two of her sleeping in her own bed, she had been sleeping in mine for too long! She is very excited about being "a big girl" by sleeping in her bed and I tell her how proud i am of her. Does not wanting to sleep describe any type of problem?
    The last thing I want to mention is she doesn't see her father on a regular basis. She has a younger brohter and an older sister and is constantly talking about them and asking for them. I think this may have some sort of effect on her. We just recently (within the last week) came to a visitation agreement.
    Will certainlly buy the books! Thanks for the recommendation, it is SO appreciated!