So here is the thing.....

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by timer lady, Sep 21, 2009.

  1. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    I rec'd an email from therapist at Residential Treatment Center (RTC) last week asking about an overnight visit for kt this coming weekend. In the email therapist asked/requested that I have someone here to help out if necessary.

    My question to you is if I need someone here to help with kt is she ultimately ready for an overnight visit? This makes no sense. While my niece is here in town she is working on her grad & does have a life. T helps out a great deal but we each have our own lives as should be.

    My children are growing & "look down" on me, if you will. They are physically stronger. If kt doesn't have the respect for me to abide by requests or follow the rules why should I have her home. She will not 24/7 coverage when she leaves Residential Treatment Center (RTC).

    What are your thoughts.
  2. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    Linda, from a practical standpoint I think it does make sense to do a trial with another person on hand. Kt was a handful when you were well. If you dig in and make up your mind to wait until everyone on both sides is 100% sure that she is ready for the visit and you are fully able to meet whatever might come up, it's possible that visits just may not happen.

    Maybe having this as a trial or transition would be good for both of you. You'd get a feel for where she's at as well as where you are at, and you may get some good mother-daughter connecting time out of it.

    Just my 2 cents...
  3. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Hey Linda,

    Not that you can't handle her - NOT that she won't be coming home to just you and she eventually - but for now - just you and her bumping around in that huge house alone may be too much of a transition for her after the riggors of and stress of an Residential Treatment Center (RTC)?

    It may be a bigger help for KT to have 10 people there to keep it more of a transition from Residential Treatment Center (RTC) to home. Lol. So maybe one extra person in your mind is crowding - while one extra person in KT's mind is 9 people less than normal. TOo much of a change too quick and it could swing her too much in the opposite direction. This could be baby steps. Know what I mean??
  4. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    You are making progress in your quest for normalcy. Although you are not well yet, you are better physically and emotionally. in my humble opinion an overnight visit is premature. How many supervised daytime visits have taken place in preparation for an overnighter? How many joint meetings have been held so that you can get a genuine feel for any progress she has made that would indicate that an overnight visit is safe?

    I have never faced the issues that exist with your children but after many years in the CD family it is my gut reaction that "someone" at the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) is eager to push reunification. My vote?? Tell them you are not prepared for that big a step at this time. You have had enough trauma and drama
    this year. You don't need to revisit the stress of staying half-awake in fear Kt will decide to take off and visit friends etc. DDD
  5. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Why an overnight all of the sudden? She has not even had visits yet has she? in my humble opinion - too soon. If they feel someone else needs to be there then it is too early for the overnight.
  6. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    While I do agree with SRL and Star - baby steps - this step appears to be a big step rather than a baby one.

    I think I would suggest kt coming home to spend the day with you Saturday (with someone else there that the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) team sends) rather than an overnight. Certainly some time together in the backyard, a girls lunch and movie at home could be a good start. Perhaps she could arrive at 11 and go back at like 4.

    If the day trip works well, perhaps an overnight is the "dangle" for the next month......

    Go with your gut Linda.

  7. horserider

    horserider New Member

    I'm new to the boards and am so happy I found this site. I read your post with interest as I will be going through the same thing with our difficult child in the next 4 wks. or so, home visits.

    I am told they will start with a day visit, then an overnight is earned. My concern for you is also that a day visit may be the best first step. I have never heard of an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) approving an overnight before a day visit has been successful. When we come to this stage I worry about difficult child willingly going back to the Residential Treatment Center (RTC). Especially when they have had the opportunity to sleep in their own bed.

    I hope things go well for you .
  8. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    I'm also curious why it's an overnight right off the bat, especially considering her recent running episode. I would question exactly WHY she's getting an overnight and the docs reasons. The running wasn't that long ago....has she really improved enough since then that she can be trusted to not do it again even WITH another person there? I mean honestly....she escaped from what was supposed to be an intensively supervised hard would it be from your house no matter what your health is?
  9. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Hadn't thought of that either - a few day visits would seem more in line with a behavior plan reunification than a WHAM - okay stay overnight.

    UNLESS the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) is SO far away that it is a time constraint - and even then - seems like the therapist would consider a mutual place for a picnic or day trip.
  10. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I also like the idea of a day visit. Hugs.
  11. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Although I don't have experience with this, I am concerned that this is too much too soon. She hasn't had day visits with you yet, correct? I think LDM's suggestion is great; starting with the day visit gives you a chance to see how things are working out between you and KT.

    Many hugs to you.
  12. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    Linda, I haven't had time to read all the other replies yet but I agree with you. If having her be home for a night will require that you have someone there who can physically overpower her if necessary, maybe she's not quite ready for a visit yet. If you don't feel confident about having her there overnight on your own, I wouldn't do it - not yet anyway.
  13. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    Linda - doesn't make sense, especially so soon on the heels of her little foray into the community. That really concerns me, because it seems like once they cross that line, they're much more likely to do it again... and what exactly are you supposed to do if she decides to bolt? Throw your walker in her path?

    I'd be sorely tempted to email therapist back that if they feel staff is necessary for a home visit, they need to provide it since you don't have the PCA/Integrated Listening Systems (ILS) workers lined up while she is in Residential Treatment Center (RTC).

    Is there a goal in this overnight visit? Or are they just doing it because she's been there X weeks and it's part of the "protocol"? Does seem like day visits would be much more appropriate at this point.
  14. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    kt has had a couple of day passes (with my niece in attendance). She argues about this & that - pretty typical for ktbug of late.

    in my humble opinion, it's too soon for an overnight. I guess that Residential Treatment Center (RTC) is thinking that kt's discharge will be in January or even sooner if I can no longer afford the payments so they are pushing far quicker. I had budgeted to January - Residential Treatment Center (RTC) wants kt there until the end of this school year (next June). That I cannot do fiscally. AND January is a must if I want to keep the waiver of services going.

    In the meantime, kt feels she should be getting a county clothing allowance - well that's my money paying for that allowance. I've just spent $150 on new clothes so I either want my money back (you know that won't happen, nor should it) but I don't think kt should have add'l clothes outings given her choices & the like.

    Thank you all for your wisdom - lots to discuss with Residential Treatment Center (RTC) & mental health CM.