So here's the scoop on difficult child's "apartment".

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by dashcat, Apr 21, 2013.

  1. dashcat

    dashcat Member

    Where to begin?

    difficult child took Ossy to see it today, and to meet Ladlord Dude. As it turns out, dude is not renting the mother-in-law suite ... Dude LIVES in the mother in law suite. difficult child will have a "room" in the basement, but will share living space with dude and his three dudlets (ages 3, 5 and 8) of whom he does not have complete custody (as she reported to me) but who he does have every Tues and Weds and every other weekend.

    difficult child will be paying HIM $200 per month to live there AND has agreed to watch his kids every Tuesday and Wednesday AND every other weekend. I would say dude is getting quite a deal.

    He does not own the local business (as she reported he did) , but he works there .

    She is moving in with a guy she met on Craigslist, paying HIM and watching his kids for free.I wonder what the childrens' mother thinks of this.

    Oh, and she just left to go there now ...to "hang out" at the apartment. So I'm sure they are just friends.

    Good God.

    Dash
     
  2. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    Oh my! I don't even know what to think, let alone say!!! This sounds like disaster. :(
     
  3. Dixies_fire

    Dixies_fire Member

    So she's paying him to be his wife... Lovely.
     
  4. dashcat

    dashcat Member

    LOL, Dixie. No, a wife would have some rights and protection and even, perhaps, a nice ring. What she is paying for is something I don't even want to think about.
     
  5. Dixies_fire

    Dixies_fire Member

    I'm sorry dash. Was hoping this would be a good thing for her even though i started reading. Try to encourage her to get something in writing so se can have a 30 day notice if it all hits the fan. I have 3 kids and they are a handful maybe this will make her more careful about birth control?
     
  6. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    The first description was told through the "difficult child filter" - this one has the filter removed. What did Ossy say? Dash, if you discourage her or even advise her, she may throw it up to you that you were the one who gave her the timeframe to move, and she's doing just that. :difficult child:
     
  7. StressedM0mma

    StressedM0mma Active Member

    Ugh Dash I do nt even know what to say about that. Hopefully she will come to her senses and find another place to "rent" very soon. Sigh
     
  8. HaoZi

    HaoZi CD Hall of Fame

    Mmmmmkay.... So who lives in the house and do they know about all this?
     
  9. Oy! It had to be too good to be true. Ugh. I have to say that this sounds exactly like a story I would hear from my difficult child and the truth turning out to be a much different version.

    Ugh. I'm sorry Dash - doesn't sound good but she is not on the street. Can you do a background check on landlord dude to see if there is anything to be worried about with him?
     
  10. dashcat

    dashcat Member

    It is amazing how they can spinb things, isn't it?

    So far, I've said NOTHING since talking to Ossy. I do not plan to discourage, or advise her at all (expcept in the unlkely possibility that she may ask). Clearly,she took Ossy there and not me for a reason and, clearly, she told him a slightly different version of the story than she told me. Ossy is being typical ossy. I could heaer the sand crunching between his teeth as he told me this on the phone last night and I know he took a couple of breaks to re-bury his head when things got a little uncomofortable. He sayd "I met the guy. He isn't the brightest, but he "seems like a nice guy" (says this about EVERONE she's met). I do not believe she is in "immediate" danger. The house is clean and the kids well taken care of".

    Note to Ossy: Ted Bundy "seemed like a nice guy", Jeffrey Dahmer "kept his house clean (except for the freezer. You met him for TEN MINUTES. You cannot possibly know.

    And, my point is that it's irrelevant -really - whether this guy is ok or not. difficult child iis not ok. Anyone who would think this arragement makes sense, is clearly not thinking rationallly. So this guy checks out ... what about her next hairbrained move??. How long can this arrangment last? She cannot take care of herself, let alone three small boys.

    So here's the condensed version: Answers ad on Craigslist for board in exchange for babysitting. Drives out to remote country area (not the small town, as it had been spinned to me) at 8:00 p.m, alone, to meet. Decides on the spot that this will work, despite meeting only one of the three children. Comes home to mom and paints story of cool mother-in-law suite in small town. Takes dad on a tour. Dad discoveres that she, dude and (part time) little boys will share mother in law suite, with her paying rent, nothing in writiting, etc. She comes home from work at 10:00 and heads over to talk with landlord. Texts me at 3:00 a.m. to say they'd been drinking so, rather than drive home, she will crash on couch. Yes, this is so normal when sealing a rental agreement..

    I am practicing my detatchemnt. I know her well enough that once she's bounded this freight train, she'll ride it until it crashes or she jumps off.

    Dash.
    HaoZ .. good, good, question. This I will ask.
     
    Last edited: Apr 22, 2013
  11. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh boy Dash, another episode in the 'how crazy can it get' mini series................remarkably, my difficult child moved into a very odd situation almost one year ago, I never thought it would last a month, but somehow, it has. She is living with another, older difficult child. Your daughter's new roommate,may be a difficult child too, so they may create their own Universe, perhaps within which they can co-exist. Yikes.
     
  12. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I know you are trying to detach and that is good BUT do you want to check him out? You can search the municipal court records to see if he has a record, also the common pleas docket if you wish. Also of course you can try to find him on facebook and do a google search of his name. Also can check craigslist by searching his name to see what other activity he has on there.

    Not trying to scare you or suggest you should do this but if you are inclined to check him out those are some ways Know what I mean??

    Nope none of it makes sense but then my difficult child met some guy and two days later was going to move in with him until he punched her in the stomach and she decided that might not be wise. They think everyone is a "nice guy". I can't tell you how many nice guys my difficult child told me about only to find out they were scum. Obviously her definition of nice is far different than mine.

    I don't know what to tell you dash. It's not a good situation, but you know what she will say if you tell her that.
     
  13. dashcat

    dashcat Member

    Nancy,
    Even though I'm working on detachment, I'm one step ahead of you on the court records online! He has a couple of speeding tickets, that's it. (by the way, I even check out guys I date ...wht the heck, you can't be too careful). If' I'd turned up any criminal records, domestic violanece ... anything like that, I would have told her and STRONGLY advised she rethink.

    I did speak to her calmly today about how she had presented the situation and that, every time she is deceptive, she causes damage. I told her I was not going to interfere with her choices - as long as those choices did not affect me or my household. I explained that I love her and dearly wish I could protect her, but I simply cannot prevent her for making her own decisions. I did not share my reservations about this inane and utterly nonsensical move (but I will with you, of course) and I told her, simply, that I would refrain from sharing my opinon unless she asked.

    I met him tonight and he was pleasant enough. He completely fits the profile of her chosen guys: Tall, doughy, terrible posture, very little eye contact, facial hair and tattoos. I honestly couldn't pick some of them out from the others in a line up. He helped her clear out her room and they are going over there to set up house. She does have her own room with a lock .. for whatever that is worth. At least she can shut the door to get away. She's used to a lot of space.


    I don't love this situation, but once I asked her to leave, I had to let go of the outcome.

    She had other options, and this is what she chose. I know it's not going to be pleasant ... that, I can live with. I only pray it will be safe and that it will not lead to further reckless choices.

    Dash
     
  14. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I should have known you would check him out, I remember us talking about that now. He knows she has a mother and father who cares about her so he best not harm a hair on her head.
     
  15. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member

    Why is it that when there are three acceptable options, difficult children always pick door #4?
     
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