so how do you slow down??

[Jena]

hi

so everyone was right apparentley......yes i am admitting serious default.....lol

went to doctor today i have pnuemonnia waiting on confirmation from chest xray.

many side i had to slow down. so here's my question, how?

i cna't really let go of kids demands and needs? or laundry? or food shopping, or cleaning? or work till i transfer to local job.

i take my moments where i can read a book, take a bath, a drive, etc.

maybe i need to take a class in time management?? i'm always looking for new way to be more efficient.

sat at table at 6 am. with little difficult child today to help her finish up book report that was fun because she cried last night thru it and i couldnt' help her focus.

i mean it's far from perfect here right now it's a mes becaues i'm sick, it always could use some serious organizing, there are always dirty clothes.
i'm not a clean freak by any regards. i try to keep up but it's hard with 5 kids two nights a week and 2 rest of time him never home, etc.

open to suggestions...


thanks
Jen

 

[trinityroyal]

Hello Jen,

I know it's very hard. We have so much to take care of and keep going, and before you know it, you're knocked flat on your back by illness caused by stress.

And then when you get better, you find the mounds of work that didn't get done while you were sick. As my Little easy child says, "That's not very much fun."

Do any of your kids pitch in with chores? Are there things that they can take over? Putting away their own laundry? Keeping their rooms in a semi-fit state? Preparing their own lunches for school?Try to hand off whatever you can to whomever you can. This also helps to foster your children's independence.

Are there things that boyfriend can help with?Are there things that are nice to have, but not essential? Any of those things that you can defer or give up entirely, take them off your list.

One of the biggest things that helps me keep it together is that "Everything Has A Home". Now that's not to say that everything gets put away in its rightful place all the time, but if everything has a designated spot then you know where it's supposed to be and a quick visual will tell you if it's missing.

We have designated spots for backpacks, lunch boxes, coats, hats, boots, homework, and all the other stuff that children drag around with them. A quick look in the front hall lets me know that everyone's hat, coat, mitts, boots, and other stuff is accounted for. Only if it's missing do I start the search.

This seems to help the children too. difficult child or easy child, they all seem to benefit from the structure and organization.

This isn't a perfect solution by any means, but I have found that it takes some of the clutter out of my head because I no longer have to think or worry about it.

Take very good care of yourself. Pneumonia is a real bear.

Hope you get well soon,
Trinity

 

[Jena]

thank you for your response.

those are all really good ideas. i've tried it here it's pretty small and there are alot of us a few nights a week his kids. but i know i can do better at organizing. i think part of the problem is he's alone with kids his two days off mon. and wed. until i get home at 7 the kids basically trash the place and you know how it is when it's small and things don't go where they should it's trashed literally. he does the best he can he does homework with all of them there are 5 two older one's do their own he's got 3 little ones my difficult child, his little guy who is add and his daughter who has turners syndrome so she's needy as well then he cooks dinner for all of them packs of back packs for a.m.

so that's the problem. then tuesdday when i get home from work it's clean up time.

it's kinda hard when his kdis are only with us two days a week i've tried talking to them but quite honestly they trash their own house. my kids are your basic slobs but his wow you have no clue they eat and walk away from their dish. id ont' cater to them he does. i say you know where the sink is rihgt honey?? Lol

i see your point though sorry rambled on there. needed to get that off my chest i've grown to love his kids but the way they abuse this place is sickening. when i get better i'm giong to work on organizing better and maybe have a sit down with his kdis about cleaning up after themselves.

i do give girls chores. little difficult child does dusting usually and sets table. big difficult child does ummm.......dishes nights boyfriend isn't home he does dishes those nights. she's getting vacuuming this week i've decided.

jen

 

[timer lady]

Jennifer,

I responded in general as well - the only way I was able to slow down a bit was to get my home in order. If my physical part was in chaos (can't have anyone over syndrome) then I felt my entire life was (& indeed was) in chaos.

Your difficult children are a work under construction - that doesn't mean they cannot pitch in. Find their niche - the thing they are good at & make that their chore. kt loves to wash walls - she's taken off paint, but she does it with such joy - sings & dances while she does it. While she does that & the appliances (she's expanding) I work on sweeping floors & using lemon wax was on the very old wood in our kitchen. We both hate unloading/loading dishwasher - we do it together. We take turns mopping the floor. In the bathroom we work together as well - wiping things down, scrubbing out tub & such.

Fun music helps. Giving each child a basket to fill with things to put away is fun too.

We too have a "place" for everything. kt has a basket right at the front door where she can dump her backback, a rug for her shoes - she only has to walk into the kitchen to hang up her coat. It's taken a while but each day her clothes get sorted in the laundry bins. Her laundry days are Saturdays. Each night we do a little fashion thing to pick out her outfit for the next day.

As things have become more organized, life for me has slowed down bit. That isn't to say that there aren't numerous appointments to handle; teachers calls to take; SWs annoy me with quarterly staffings & treatment plans. And then there is this thing called having a personal life. You know, yourself, yourself & your husband/SO, job, whatever else may be on your agenda.

The time I take for myself is school - I call school respite. In fact, many times during school, I turn my phones off. I check voice mail - but don't respond to voice mails until after school is out unless it's an emergency. AND I respond by email. Makes lifes so much simpler. I love email.

I use my daily respite to clean up the house a bit, sleep & paint or play my piano as I can. Piano is still a lot iffy.

I hope this long missive helps a bit. I feel like I've rambled all over the place; you have a lot to handle - too many children & not enough help.

Time for you now.

 

[tammyjh]

Slow down? What does that mean?

I understand the hard part about getting the kids to help with chores....I'm really bad at this one and in the past, with all we've had to deal with with difficult child, I just never had the energy to get the kids started with helping out a whole lot. They do get their own clothes to the hamper and they take their dirty dishes to the sink(but we have to always remind them) and they're a little better at cleaning their rooms once in a while. I've just started having the girls (ages 14 1/2 and 8) to fold their own laundry. difficult child has limited use of her left arm and hand so its always been a struggle to get her to compensate because she's not one to be very independent. We're also working with the three older ones to get their own breakfast....within reason and again, to clean up after themselves. Its not much so far but its a start anyway.

About what I do to slow down. After the kids are in bed, I watch tv. Thats about all I have energy for in the evenings We've also planted some flowers in the basement that we'll eventually move outside in late spring...if they do well. Seeing the seeds start sprouting is always exciting for me. I know, I have no life

 

[Jena]

hi

thanks for that you guys!! piano is great i used to play little difficult child belive it or not is musically inclined so i think after this is all said and done and a direction chosen i 'll have her in some type of lessons.

and planting is great. i love that as well. it's small here as i said but i think out side ill put some on the steps leading downstairs when weather lets up.

i was going to organize this weekend but i got sick and coulnd't do it. i'm thinking paint living room a little organize extra bedroom we use for kids 2 nights a week kids room just everything. maybe that will bring some clarity.

i don't make phone calls during day at all either. i can't if i'm with little difficult child she is too demanding she cna't handle me making phone call whatsoever.

i used to love that at night i'd put tv on and veg out for a while not thinking just lately with her sleeping being so rough by the time i get her in i'm exhausted and crash till he comes home from rest. lately i haven't even been waiting up for him to talk i just crash if i can.

thanks for ideas though.

yup once i'm better i'm ripping this place apart.


it is so tiny. it's not bad by any means. it's just so tiny and his furniture is soo soo big. living room and kitchen are extension of one. when i moved in 7 mos. ago we decided to buy new table so we have this huge table for all the kids smack dab in middle of kitchen it seats 8 lol.....then he had to have the nook thingy that you can buy with it. it's amazing we can even walk in kitchen. we have furniture up our ears.........

 

[trinityroyal]

Oh Jen, I hear you about the giant furniture.

Before husband and I met, I lived in a cute little house. I had scaled down furniture, everything was small and just my size. Now that I live in the Land Of Giant Men, all of the furniture is immense. When I sit back on the sofa, my legs stick straight out in front of me. If I want my feet to touch the floor, I have to perch on the edge.

Enough about that...
One thing that I have found helps tremendously is storage. And there are so many inexpensive things you can do to create more storage. Little cubbies with labels. Hooks on the walls at various heights for the tall and the small, pantry organizers, etc.

I found a collection of boxes at the Dollar Store (2 for $1), that have places to put little labels. I have them on counters, shelves...anywhere that little things collect. Little easy child has boxes for their pencils and homework stuff, husband has little boxes for his computer gear that would otherwise be all over every flat surface. When it's time to clean up, they just throw everything in their little box and put it back on the shelf.

Makes tidying up much easier for them, because they don't have to break down the task. And it makes life easier for me because I don't have to look at the mess.

I know that the last thing you want to do is to add more stuff into the clutter, but if you can come up with a system that helps you it's worth it.

All the best,
Trinity