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So I finally kicked him out - why do I feel like ****?
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<blockquote data-quote="JillS" data-source="post: 545803" data-attributes="member: 14237"><p>Thank you all for the advice. He stayed at Covenant House for 2 days and then went to his [paternal] grandmother's house and she has told him that he can stay for as long as he likes (sigh). Relieved on one hand that he's somewhere safe, but worried that he's just found a new enabler. Looking for a family therapist to help us navigate the rest of this situation. I saw my son yesterday when he came by for some clothes. He mentioned, with great sadness in his eyes, that he hadn't heard from his father in a long time. His father calls him maybe 3 times a year. My son shrugs it off but now I think it's starting to break-through. All the years of abandonment. It really broke my heart all over again because I know this is at the root of his acting out. I kicked his father out when my son was about a year old and I remember how my son ran to the corner of the room and cried his eyes out when his dad walked out the door. Throughout the years I would take him over to see his father every other weekend, but more often than not he'd leave the care of his son to his mother and would disappear on those weekends. One time he sent us away upon arrival, just told us to go back home, he had things to do. My son was about 5 or 6 at the time. There were many disappointing moments over the years, broken promises, failure to pick him up (matter of fact, he never picked him up, I had to take him over there). When he did spend time with him, much energy was spent on berating him. I remember one specific incident when my son was about 12 - he went out with his father to throw a football around and accidentally (?) hit his father in the face. His father got so mad he left him. Got in the car and drove off! Luckily my son knew how to catch a cab and made it home so I could pay the driver. I guess this is why I've been hesitant to take the tough love approach with him. He already feels unloved and worthless, I have to address that issue first before he will be able to function as an independent adult.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="JillS, post: 545803, member: 14237"] Thank you all for the advice. He stayed at Covenant House for 2 days and then went to his [paternal] grandmother's house and she has told him that he can stay for as long as he likes (sigh). Relieved on one hand that he's somewhere safe, but worried that he's just found a new enabler. Looking for a family therapist to help us navigate the rest of this situation. I saw my son yesterday when he came by for some clothes. He mentioned, with great sadness in his eyes, that he hadn't heard from his father in a long time. His father calls him maybe 3 times a year. My son shrugs it off but now I think it's starting to break-through. All the years of abandonment. It really broke my heart all over again because I know this is at the root of his acting out. I kicked his father out when my son was about a year old and I remember how my son ran to the corner of the room and cried his eyes out when his dad walked out the door. Throughout the years I would take him over to see his father every other weekend, but more often than not he'd leave the care of his son to his mother and would disappear on those weekends. One time he sent us away upon arrival, just told us to go back home, he had things to do. My son was about 5 or 6 at the time. There were many disappointing moments over the years, broken promises, failure to pick him up (matter of fact, he never picked him up, I had to take him over there). When he did spend time with him, much energy was spent on berating him. I remember one specific incident when my son was about 12 - he went out with his father to throw a football around and accidentally (?) hit his father in the face. His father got so mad he left him. Got in the car and drove off! Luckily my son knew how to catch a cab and made it home so I could pay the driver. I guess this is why I've been hesitant to take the tough love approach with him. He already feels unloved and worthless, I have to address that issue first before he will be able to function as an independent adult. [/QUOTE]
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So I finally kicked him out - why do I feel like ****?
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