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General Parenting
So I read The Explosive Child...
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<blockquote data-quote="rlsnights" data-source="post: 417318" data-attributes="member: 7948"><p>I think I'll just get this out of the way up front. Everything I say is in my humble opinion. Take what works for you and leave the rest. Saves me saying it several times in this post. <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/bigsmile.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":bigsmile:" title="big smile :bigsmile:" data-shortname=":bigsmile:" /></p><p></p><p>Mm. If he is still so out of control that he is punching psychiatric nurses I think Plan A is all you can focus on with everything else in the C baskets.</p><p></p><p>Go easy on yourself. You cannot learn everything overnight. You need to take this time of respite to take care of yourself and your other kids and husband. It's good to gather info but if you're feeling like you're drowning then it's probably time to take a break and just sleep or take a bath or a walk.</p><p></p><p>Focus on safety issues because everything else is just gravy when you are still talking safety. </p><p></p><p>I would refuse to bring him home because he is still a danger to others if he's continuing to have that behavior the morning of the day before you are to bring him home. You have a toddler in the house and it is your duty to protect that child too. If your 6 yo has been aggressive towards him at all I would absolutely tell them it is not safe for your difficult child to come home if he is still acting out violently.</p><p></p><p>And I think you should make sure the case manager or social worker knows it. You might ask them what his behavior has to be for him to come home and make them get concrete about it. If they don't get concrete then you may have to by saying something like "If he's been in seclusion due to aggression how long after that before you would let him come home?" "If he's assaulted staff or other kids within the previous 24 hours will you still release him?"</p><p></p><p>Hopefully the answers to those question will be a definite NO he won't be coming home that day. And I think you should be expecting them to transfer him to a partial day treatment program - not just discharge him home - if there is one for children his age. If there is one but it's full, then he needs to stay inpatient until there is space for him in the partial program.</p><p></p><p>If they have done medication changes while he's in psychiatric hospital the new dosage/medication should have been on board for at least 2 days before you agree to bring him home - provided his unsafe behaviors have resolved.</p><p></p><p>Now they will probably tell you that you "have" to bring him home. And a bunch of us here will tell you that you can refuse and they cannot force you. They may threaten you with all kinds of scary sounding things but I don't think anyone I have ever heard of has actually had those things happen to them when they were attempting to protect their other children from a difficult child and were making obvious efforts to provide appropriate care and supervision to their difficult child.</p><p></p><p>About the movie, etc. I would go to your visits prepared with a card or board game or something else simple and mindless to do with him. You can just bring or ask for some drawing paper and crayons or ask if you are allowed to bring those in. Then doodle together (if he will). I used to do this thing with my kiddo where we would take turns drawing on a sheet of paper until we ended up with a weird monster with 4 horns and 3 feet or whatever. I'd draw a line then he'd draw a line attached to mine and so on.</p><p></p><p>The point is to have something structured but simple to do. You don't have to insist or even talk about it. Just set it up and invite him to do it with you. Ask him to cut the deck. Whatever. If his behavior is so disorganized that he cannot do those kinds of tasks for a short time there at the psychiatric hospital there is no way he is ready to come home.</p><p></p><p>Sending happy dreams your way.</p><p></p><p>Patricia</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="rlsnights, post: 417318, member: 7948"] I think I'll just get this out of the way up front. Everything I say is in my humble opinion. Take what works for you and leave the rest. Saves me saying it several times in this post. :bigsmile: Mm. If he is still so out of control that he is punching psychiatric nurses I think Plan A is all you can focus on with everything else in the C baskets. Go easy on yourself. You cannot learn everything overnight. You need to take this time of respite to take care of yourself and your other kids and husband. It's good to gather info but if you're feeling like you're drowning then it's probably time to take a break and just sleep or take a bath or a walk. Focus on safety issues because everything else is just gravy when you are still talking safety. I would refuse to bring him home because he is still a danger to others if he's continuing to have that behavior the morning of the day before you are to bring him home. You have a toddler in the house and it is your duty to protect that child too. If your 6 yo has been aggressive towards him at all I would absolutely tell them it is not safe for your difficult child to come home if he is still acting out violently. And I think you should make sure the case manager or social worker knows it. You might ask them what his behavior has to be for him to come home and make them get concrete about it. If they don't get concrete then you may have to by saying something like "If he's been in seclusion due to aggression how long after that before you would let him come home?" "If he's assaulted staff or other kids within the previous 24 hours will you still release him?" Hopefully the answers to those question will be a definite NO he won't be coming home that day. And I think you should be expecting them to transfer him to a partial day treatment program - not just discharge him home - if there is one for children his age. If there is one but it's full, then he needs to stay inpatient until there is space for him in the partial program. If they have done medication changes while he's in psychiatric hospital the new dosage/medication should have been on board for at least 2 days before you agree to bring him home - provided his unsafe behaviors have resolved. Now they will probably tell you that you "have" to bring him home. And a bunch of us here will tell you that you can refuse and they cannot force you. They may threaten you with all kinds of scary sounding things but I don't think anyone I have ever heard of has actually had those things happen to them when they were attempting to protect their other children from a difficult child and were making obvious efforts to provide appropriate care and supervision to their difficult child. About the movie, etc. I would go to your visits prepared with a card or board game or something else simple and mindless to do with him. You can just bring or ask for some drawing paper and crayons or ask if you are allowed to bring those in. Then doodle together (if he will). I used to do this thing with my kiddo where we would take turns drawing on a sheet of paper until we ended up with a weird monster with 4 horns and 3 feet or whatever. I'd draw a line then he'd draw a line attached to mine and so on. The point is to have something structured but simple to do. You don't have to insist or even talk about it. Just set it up and invite him to do it with you. Ask him to cut the deck. Whatever. If his behavior is so disorganized that he cannot do those kinds of tasks for a short time there at the psychiatric hospital there is no way he is ready to come home. Sending happy dreams your way. Patricia [/QUOTE]
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