so.... i went to

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Jena, Oct 7, 2010.

  1. Jena

    Jena New Member

    church today. yes me ms. anti organized religion. i'm very spirtual, into the whole meditation thing, energy, soul and yes i do believe in it just never been one for church since i have been an adult.

    i drove around town today after getting yet another call from therapist with her telling me how badly difficult child was doing, not drinking etc. and i felt really alone and kinda tired, like tapped out. hard to explain.

    i think being home is also very challenging because she isnt' with me here on our turf. on a sense being at hotel is easier. she doesnt' belong there.

    welll i drove around, tried to open 3 church doors all locked! i wanted to say a prayer light a candle. than i got to the last one and i went into their office thing and just told them i've tried everything else i gotta talk to him. i'm outta ideas. they laughed. pretty cool ppl.

    they opened sanctuary i sat there for 30 minutes praying. yes shocking iknow husband was like you went where?? best 30 minutes i spent all day. all my coping skills just weren't doing it today, my drama and emotions were in over drive. yet sitting there in peace asking for guidance strength for my kid helped alot.

    i got thru day pretty ok today so far. i even took easy child out again and we went to a restaraunt and just ate this lava cake with-ice cream and i had a margarita till we were both sick and laughing.

    by the way, 30 minutes after i went to the church the therapist called me again to say. difficult child snuck into a pyschotherapy session with other kids, (she wasn't allowed because she didn't drink her liquids) and she finally spilled how afraid she was to choke how it made no sense, yet she's petrified. the girls were super supportive and in the end she went back into room and drank all her liquids!

    their starting her back on solids tonight because they feel its either that or feeding tube and we have to get her moving somehow into the right direction.

    tonight she sits with-solids though with-o eating. this is one bad roller coaster ride. i gotta learn to stay more ven thru the waves of it. i'm really trying so hard.
    Last edited: Oct 7, 2010
  2. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    I'm glad that your break and the solitude and setting helped give you some peace today. I can't imagine how hard this whole thing is on the whole family. How wonderful that the staff in the office opened the doors for you. It is such a shame that most church's no longer can safely have an open door policy.

    As for your girl, I will say a prayer for her tonight that things get better for her and she can get started on solids. As for you, I know I myself would also be eaten up with worries and longing for her to not be there etc. And I know you know that she is in the right place yet I'm sure that is still hard to accept even though you have accepted it, if that makes sense.

    The silver lining is that she hasn't been doing this long enough to do permanent damage to her body and she is in the right place now. And in the future if it rears its ugly head again you will all know what to do before it gets out of control, although I do think/hope at her young age that she will come home when she is ready as a young woman having learned something here and not go back in this direction again.

    You're a good mama. She's going to be okay. (((hugs)))
  3. Jena

    Jena New Member


    thanks. this too shall pass i keep telling myself. i really did get peace beyond what i thought i would. yea i'm a bit beat up lol but i'd do anything for this kid so as long as she comes out of it ok i dont' care about me. i just gotta keep up my mental strength at this point so i can keep it together to be with her.

    husband told me tmrw i should get off highway on way to hospital and ride a horse. it's like air to me seriously it fills my cup up bigtime. so if we have the extra money i'm giong to do it. it'll help ground me. i've had my list of coping skills out for days :)
  4. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Jen, I am so glad you found a time of peace today. That is so important.

    I also found staying at the hotel when my difficult child was hospitalized was beneficial to me. I just couldn't face being home without him there - he had only been away from home overnight one maybe two times in his entire life without me or husband (and only a few times with husband and not me along). It is so weird not having them home in this type of situation.

    You are doing very well. Yes, do whatever is necessary to get that horse ride in!

    I would ask if she can go to those support groups regardless of her eating or not. They sound like a very important piece in this - if she knows the others are supporting her and she is not all alone, maybe that will help ease the power struggle part of the equation (I know it is not all power struggle - her fears are the largest contributer but it seems that the facilities extended meal times foster a power struggle atmosphere?)
  5. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Jen, I'm also glad that you were able to find some peace - it's so important and the place itself doesn't matter as much as just being and asking for guidance and support. Go ride a horse! That sounds like fun and a perfect way to do something for yourself. I love it!

    And I'm still holding your difficult child and family in my prayers too, hugs~
  6. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am glad you found some solace and peace. Hopefully you can continue to find periods of time like that.

    Why is therapy something she misses if she doesn't eat? It doesn't make any sense. Just sitting there isn't going to help her deal with the phobia. Please do what you can to get them to give her the therapy - group and individual - regardless of whether she eats or not. with-o the therapy she is not EVER going to improve substantially, so their approach of earning therapy by eating is just idiotic.

    Maybe if you can give these people some info on how to treat PHOBIAS it will help them? Or check the links I sent and ask the place about feeding disorders how they would approach it.

    If this place doesn't work, it looks like there are several places in NYC that could be helpful. in my opinion this place is taking a very wrong approach - she simply MUST have therapy to get over this. It is likely she could spend a LONG time sitting in front of food (months) and still not improve unless they give her the therapy that is appropriate for her problem, instead of using methods that are appropriate for other problems.

    while my Great Gma said that if you lead the horse into the water far enough you CAN make it drink, this approach isn't a good long term solution - and that is what they are doing with difficult child.

    Would a feeding tube really be that bad?? If it would mean they let her go to the therapy groups instead of just sitting in front of food all day, not talking about the problem or attempting to actually deal with the fear, I would push for the feeding tube.

    I am sorry it is so hard for you to be at home with-o her. I do know it is hard. Can you find something like knitting or cross stitch or whatever that would help you work off some of the nervous energy and take your mind off difficult child??

    If it is at all possible, please find a therapist to help you work through this. Even if you just ask a pastor to help. I know that many Episcopal ministers would be able to help with this, and they are usually very laid back. Just having someone to help you work through all of your feelings right now would likely be a huge help, not just to you, but also to husband, the other kids and even difficult child.

    Many hugs