church today. yes me ms. anti organized religion. i'm very spirtual, into the whole meditation thing, energy, soul and yes i do believe in it just never been one for church since i have been an adult. i drove around town today after getting yet another call from therapist with her telling me how badly difficult child was doing, not drinking etc. and i felt really alone and kinda tired, like tapped out. hard to explain. i think being home is also very challenging because she isnt' with me here on our turf. on a sense being at hotel is easier. she doesnt' belong there. welll i drove around, tried to open 3 church doors all locked! i wanted to say a prayer light a candle. than i got to the last one and i went into their office thing and just told them i've tried everything else i gotta talk to him. i'm outta ideas. they laughed. pretty cool ppl. they opened sanctuary i sat there for 30 minutes praying. yes shocking iknow husband was like you went where?? best 30 minutes i spent all day. all my coping skills just weren't doing it today, my drama and emotions were in over drive. yet sitting there in peace asking for guidance strength for my kid helped alot. i got thru day pretty ok today so far. i even took easy child out again and we went to a restaraunt and just ate this lava cake with-ice cream and i had a margarita till we were both sick and laughing. by the way, 30 minutes after i went to the church the therapist called me again to say. difficult child snuck into a pyschotherapy session with other kids, (she wasn't allowed because she didn't drink her liquids) and she finally spilled how afraid she was to choke how it made no sense, yet she's petrified. the girls were super supportive and in the end she went back into room and drank all her liquids! their starting her back on solids tonight because they feel its either that or feeding tube and we have to get her moving somehow into the right direction. tonight she sits with-solids though with-o eating. this is one bad roller coaster ride. i gotta learn to stay more ven thru the waves of it. i'm really trying so hard.