So it's been a week........

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Hound dog, Oct 20, 2010.

  1. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Got to say I have no complaints as far as Katie and family go. They help without being asked, offer to help often, keep the kids in line as much as humanly possible (they're bored and crowded), and are trying hard for employment and getting into a shelter or some sort of housing.

    But man o' man! I have 4, count 'em, 4 difficult child's in the house if you don't count husband (who's currently on his best behavior) And I'm not even counting katie as she's not behaving like a difficult child.:surprise: Katie's husband is a nice guy if you can get past the rough exterior, the boasting about things no one else would consider boasting about........but as I'm getting to know him better......I'm strongly suspecting much more than simple dyslexia going on. Most likely MRDD, although not severe, but enough that I'd say his "age" is about stuck at 16-17. Maybe slightly younger depending on areas of development. I suspected as much when I met him the 1st time many years ago....I'm almost positive that is what is going on after spending a week with him. Perhaps a few other issues in the mix......who knows. Do know his obsession with computers and vampires is right up there with Travis' obsession with computers and star trek. lol Travis is more mature than Katie's husband. Much. But do see that he loves Katie, his love his kids. He's trying hard to be a good parent, even if there are moments when he acts more childlike than they do.

    Shelter situation is still iffy at best, they're still waiting on spot. Did get a bit of good news, one church is pulling resources, calling members, and going to either attempt to finance their rent in motel until the shelter spot opens or help husband and I with food and bills until a spot opens. Katie's husband spoke up after the call and said he'd rather not go to the motel......... And I had to leave the room, take a long break in my bedroom because I though OMG they're not ever going to want to leave.:surprise: Then I came down later and spoke to Katie, told her if church offers the motel rent she needs to take it as living here with us may actually be hurting them for a shelter spot. I mean staying with family doesn't sound anywhere urgent as we're trying to survive in a motel ect. And our shelter will kick start the turning point for him and the housing ect. I WANT them in THERE!

    I swear I'm doing nothing, not one thing to make it cushy. They still don't have pillows, still are sleeping 5 to an air mattress on the floor sharing 1 micorfiber blanket. I only transport them to job, welfare, housing things period. Anywhere else like park or library they walk just like Travis does.

    Ok, so I'm feeding them about 100 times better than the shelter they were in. But between what the parents and kayla tells me......that wouldn't be difficult. Having grown up dirt poor in a large family is paying off in a big way. But still......it's hard, but I won't let a child go hungry, just isn't going to happen. Just makes me want to faint when they can go through 5 loaves of bread in 3 days. OMG! (last batch was aldi's at 75 cents each thank god) Same church that is going to help with rent will help with their food pantry.....we may be paying it a visit tomorrow. And the free breakfasts / lunches for Kayla and Alex starts tomorrow so that will help too.

    But yeah......these guys are hungry. They haven't eaten decent food in I don't know how long and it shows. Alex is always asking when the next meal is because he's afraid he isn't going to eat.

    Hahaha, but they went through all the bread a few days back. I have extra cash stashed for xmas. (not much) and husband asked for some to go buy more bread. I said nope. They didn't make it last knowing we're not much better off then they are, now they do without. See? Not cushy. There were roman noodles ect to eat instead. Same will happen this time. They'll get the idea. No skin off my nose.....there is little I can eat to begin with. lol Katie is big on desserts for the kids. I have a few things that can be made from scratch......cheap stuff from aldi's. When they're gone, they're gone. Already warned her I don't by snacks.

    They are doing really well and I am sooooo proud of them. But if they don't either get motel rent soon or a shelter spot I fear I'm going to loose my ever lovin' mind. Too many people. Too many difficult children. Not much for the kids to do. Not much for the adults to do as they aren't allowed computer access......and husband rules the tv unless the grands want to watch something. Katie and her husband can watch it once husband goes to bed.

    See? Not cushy. Not even 1/8th as cushy as mother in law used to make it for us.........yet her husband wants to stay here until a shelter spot opens? wth for?

    easy child did give him her old computer. Travis is going to replace the hard drive. But he's been told already he can't use it here. No where to put the darn thing and the internet can't handle another computer on it. But her husband is major obsessing over this computer. It's the reason he got a library card to get his "computer fix". (he has to walk 2 miles to the library) I'm going to try hard to have Travis delay replacing the hard drive if possible until they're either in a motel or a shelter or somewhere else.:tongue: I feel for the guy........I go thru computer withdrawls too in a severe way. But yeah.......that's the last thing you worry about when you don't have a place to live.

    I feel for Katie. She's been parenting her husband, her mother, and her 3 kids for all these years with no support at all. No wonder she suffers from migraines and can't sleep. sheesh

    Some natural consequences from the past are also catching up to the kids. Katie can't go back to college until she pays 260.00 in fines from dropping out of 2 classes too early before she left. I'm still waiting for some point when they go to cash land for something and oops! that oh like 1 grand or so they borrowed on a payday loan they never paid bites them in the fanny.

    husband wants to offer to pay for the birth certificates they need. I'm being bull headed about it and refuse to let him offer. One because I told her to have ALL of them BEFORE she came. And two because it will cost at least 50.00 we really don't have. Then he was like they need to have their state ID's changed (would stop some of the issues we're having) but heck no! I'm not paying for that.......it's not cheap and guess what? They need those darn birth certificates for that. ughhhh

    If things don't start looking up soon I may have to relent though and do it just to get this junk started. (insert a whole bunch of swear words)

    Katie's bio Mom is supposed to be wiring them some money. It will be interesting to see what they chose to spend it on......... But their big fear is she's going to wire them money, then they're going to get a phone call with her saying she's in cincy and needs to be picked up. I flat out told them if she pulls a stunt like that she's going to find herself stuck in cincy.:mad: They expect it cuz evidently that's what she pulled in on them with St. Louis.

    And poor Kayla is either getting sick or has allergies acting up.......I'm suspecting she's allergic to the cat.....seeing signs katie is too. No fever......which is making me thing allergy. Of course I have no allergy medications for kids......and really no extra cash to go out and buy it either but I won't have a choice if she's not better by tomorrow.

    Other good thing is kids have started school today. When well except Alex was placed in a normal 3rd grade classroom. Now this child is barely functioning at the end of kindergarden level and tends to wander around the classroom and is overwhelmed with too many students. Yeah, by about 10am they placed him in the Special Education class where we told them he needed to be in the 1st place. sheesh But it gives the kids something to do all day and they really needed it.

    Makes me sad to see that both Alex and Evan are far worse than Travis. Alex is Travis all over again, just to a much more severe degree but just as sweet as Travis always was. Evan I suspect is MRDD as he's not functioning anywhere near age level.......on top of severe SIDS and pretty certain autism. He can be sweet......but I worry he may not even be at Alex's level Know what I mean?? And he has the destructive tendency and can be violent.

    Katie, her husband and I have spent alot of time talking. Not much else to do when you can't watch tv or user the computer. lol Seems loosing the baby near term a few years ago (the one before Evan) was a wake up call as far as their parenting........ran it home to them that even a child can suddenly be taken from you. Sad that it took that. But I do say I am amazed at the vast difference in Katie's parenting this time. She is active, she is on top of discipline, she is affectionate, she makes certain they're clean, fed ect. All things she did NOT do last time around. And unlike last time.......a headache, even a migraine....does not stop her from caring for the kids, even if her husband does help. I am impressed. Her parenting is up there with easy child's and Nichole's now.

    Only bad thing I see is she worries herself right into a migraine. I told her to let it go. Just do what she is supposed to do, what she needs to do, and let the rest go. It will happen when it happens, worrying and fretting until you make yourself sick is not going to make it happen faster. Also noticed as I've had her out and about she still stands in what I call "victim" posture. Told her this afternoon I don't ever want to see her standing like that again. I want her head held high and her back straight and her to look them in the eye. She has done nothing to be ashamed of, she is doing all she can for her family. We'll probably have to work on this as it's been an issue since childhood.

    On a happy note:

    Darrin and Alex are Bestest friends. Aubrey and Kayla are bestest friends. And sleep overs are already being planned. lmao :D And Evan and Brandon hit if off.......but they're a bit young for the sleep over thing. lol

    Saturday will be family pumpkin carving at easy child's house. easy child and Nichole are discussing getting costumes for the kids. (katie has not yet been told this) With a halloween "party" type thingie following. easy child even bought cute party favors. She tends to go all out for this stuff. lol

    Kayla is still my Kayla. Alex is still my Alex. And each time I look upon their faces.....each time they hug me, kiss me......I fight back tears. They will never know what it means to their grandma to have them here again. I missed Katie terribly too...... but somehow with her being grown it was not quite the same. I'd all but raised those 2 for those 2 yrs she was here......and well it was as if someone had ripped my own kids from me.

    But even with all of that.................This is as hard as I knew it would be. Four difficult children is nearly putting me over the top, even with them trying to be on best behavior. Nana needed a 5 hr break today and went up to "nap".......I did nap.....but no way was it 5 hrs worth. lol It's awful when you look forward to going to sit for other grandchildren to escape the crowdedness and sometimes chaos....or picking Travis up from school.......or going food shopping or doctor appoint. :tongue: I'm almost always exhausted. (it's not helping I can't eat much I've lost like 30 lbs at least) husband scared me he was close to stroking last night.......which says alot because I rarely pay attention to husband's complains due to his habit of faking.........he was NOT faking. Got to call my doctor in the morning and see how expensive it will be to get the man seen, he needs his b/p medications terribly.

    It's awful but I keep fantasizing that once I get my state boards passed and some on the job experience that I'll do my dream and move out to the rez and work in their clinics. Far far from all family and their crisis'. Yeah.......right. But I can dream.:tongue::smug:
     
  2. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am glad that you are getting to reconnect with katie and the grands, and get to know katie's husband and Evan. It is really hard to share a small home with that many people, esp with that many of them being difficult children. I know that they would probably prefer to stay with you rather than go to a shelter, but if they are not in a shelter or motel they will be put lower on the priority list for about every service. You mentioned being in the Hillsboro school district in another post. I used to work at the Bob Evans at the Hillsboro/Franklin exit off 75 way back when we first lived in OH, when Jess was first born. I actually worked there when I went out on maternity leave - I was happier working at that store than at the fancier newer stores in Cinci because I had the BEST employees and customers except for the violent creep who was the cook on my shift 3 nights a week. I LOVED my customers there, and even though my own relatives refused to even give me a baby outfit my customers and staff gave me all sorts of baby gifts when I hadn't even worked there 3 mos when Jess was born! People there were far nicer than down farther into Cinci, in my opinion. I hope you can get the churches to help, they seemed very giving when I had encounters with them.

    If nothing else, maybe if katie or you went and explained the situation the manager at the Bob Evans (if it is still there) or other relatives would let you have whatever food is cooked at the end of the night that won't be served to customers the next day. Esp if you offer to take them a couple boxes of ziplocs. As a mgr I wouldn't have been able to give meals away but I did sometimes send food we would throw away home if an employee was on hard times or a someone asked nicely. It cannot hurt to ask.

    If there is a Panera bread store around they may also be helpful. My father in law works with his church at the ministry that will pay a bill for someone who asks. They have three giant freezers full of food they send with people who come for the other aid. One is meat from a couple of stores that freeze meat the last day of the "sell by" period and then drop off a couple of times a month when the church has room for it. the other 2 freezers are mostly full of Panera bread and soup. The soups have been prepared but not served to customers so the church gets it and freezes it in paper cups. I think most Panera's donate baked goods, but it cannot hurt to go and ask the manager. Our Panera wanted to donate to our homeless shelter and cannot. The shelter in my town insists on having the food arrive on thebig metal pans that it is baked on - expensive pans. They have to be a certain size for some stupid reason. So our Panera donates to other groups, leaving our shelter out because the shelter's rules are very very expensive for the stores.

    You should also have the kids contact the catholic archdiocese offices, and/or whatever offices are listed in cinci and dayton and middletown for catholic charities. This is in addition to the Catholic Churches. Also check for Jewish synagogues and whatever the name is for the Jewish charities as I think they have a separate office/organization.

    Has Evan been enrolled in Head Start yet? in my opinion that would be an excellent idea to try to do this week. They will provide a LOT of services. In most areas they offer programs for 3year olds, or so I was led to believe. If they say they are full ask what they can offer as he clearly needs early interventions. There may be a special program just for kids his age who have the problems he has. If the school/head start won't/can't give you info check online or the state BOE. If he could go to school it would free the kids to both job hunt all day and to sign up with temp agencies.

    What are katie's phone skills like? Her husband's? There are a LOT of good paying jobs for people who sound good on the phone. It can be learned and you could work with them to role play calls. They would need a good speaking voice on the phone, polite manners (of course) and the ability to read and operate a computer and very basic typing skills. Then they can work collections, phone sales, marketing research (that area is about ideal for a job in marketing research as there are a LOT of firms there who do that and have huge call centers). There is also a company that sells jewelry by phone that pays VERY well. They have fliers in many of the catalogs = sears, penneys, roaman's, chadwicks, and a TON more as well as catalogs in their own name. I don't know if transportation is feasible, I doubt it at this point, but once it is, or if they are interested once they can get a car, it is a very good paying job. I worked there with high school kids and with a number of ladies who quit working at jobs like Krogers and various factories because it paid a LOT better, was always heated or cooled and you were off your feet, plus you got forty percent off the cost of the products.

    I hope that they are able to turn things around and build a life. I will PM some info to you also.
     
  3. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Susie we've tried every restaurant in the area.......they're just waiting for call backs. If we can get the migraines to relent from katie long enough she was going to try Rite Aide and CVS as I know they hire in a big way this time of year...Travis is also trying them........and perhaps they'll need a pharmacy tech and I know they'll train her for it.....good pay there and good benefits. But these migraines are beginning to worry me. She is not faking and is in misery. Warned husband that he is to stay close to the house today, this morning's migraine is vicious and I have a feeling she's going to need a trip to the ER for medications. She's totally out of medications, no doctor, no insurance, no cash. :( She's lying down now after a hot bath with an ice pack after taking 3 extra strength tylenol and 1200mg of ibuprofen. Poor girl. If she can't get the migraines under control with medications........I don't see working as do able for her at this point. Something we'll have to work on soon as the insurance comes through. At least we have a pretty awesome neuro in town. She was having a few petite mal seizures last night too. sigh

    So I may have to relent about the birth certificates..........just to speed up most of the things we're waiting on. I sooooo don't want to do that and am dragging my feet about it. But I do have to admit I can be stubborn about the darndest things at times......this may be one of those times. Honestly, in her defense they didn't have the money for birth certificates, little computer access to send off for them.......and were on the verge of being kicked out of the shelter due to no income anymore for "rent".

    Oh.........and some news about the shelter via biomom. They've suddenly given all residents back their foodstamp cards. lol Seems an investigation is already underway.:peaceful: Do NOT mess with one of my kids like that and expect to get away with it. muahhaahhhaaahhaa But according to katie they'll be shut down due to health code violations even without the welfare/ client fraud going on. Pipes leaking from ceilings, black mold growing everywhere....exposed wires from where they removed air conditioners to sell them ect.

    Looking into every avenue possible for help for these kids. Mostly a hurry up and wait.....call until you're blue in the face sort of thing. *sigh* But they need to either get into a motel or shelter asap as that will greatly expand all help they'll receive and the speed in which they receive it. I know they'd rather be here than either a shelter or a motel.....and I understand that but it's necessary to get them started off right.

    Have I mentioned that I'm exhausted?? lol I'm still sitting in my jammies today and it's 11:21 am. Katie's husband is cleaning out my car for a pack of cigs. lol

    This too shall pass.............if I repeat it enough it will.:tongue:
     
  4. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    You've definitely had a big, busy week...as Miss KT used to say. Prayers that they get all the paperwork gathered together quickly, and sending hugs and lots of strength to you.
     
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