Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
General Discussions
The Watercooler
So many broken things...
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Mikey" data-source="post: 122102" data-attributes="member: 3579"><p>Hi Shari.</p><p></p><p>Not sure what I can add, but can I give you a husband's point of view?</p><p></p><p>I'm sure many people who read your post see someone who is obviously shirking a portion of the REAL work that goes into a family. I won't lie and say that many husbands don't think their day ends when they get home from the office.</p><p></p><p>But, as I read your post, I didn't get that impression.</p><p></p><p>You say in your sig that husband is your best friend. There must have been a reason for saying that. But now that's changed, and it's obviously (and rightly) upsetting you.</p><p></p><p>From my perspective, when I read your post I heard you describing a man who is completely out of his element. I admit that I don't know your whole story, but much of what you wrote about your husband could have been transcribed by my beloved wife about me after we started dealing with McWeedy.</p><p></p><p>I didn't mean to become a slob. I didn't mean to shut down once I walked through the door. I didn't mean to "forget" that work isn't just at the office, it's at home as well.</p><p></p><p>But I did.</p><p></p><p>I can't speak at all for your husband, but for myself I was in shock. And while I could be motivated to deal with McW's antics, beyond that I might as well have been an ottoman in front of an unused recliner. I don't make any excuses for my actions - there are no excuses. But I was in shock. </p><p></p><p>As a man, I always felt (and still feel) that I'm ultimately responsible for dealing with the "hard stuff" in my family. And God chose my son to teach me the stupidity of that position. When I realized that McW was going to do whatever he wanted, and that there was little I could do to control it, I started withdrawing. When things got worse and the antics affected the whole family, I withdrew even more. I couldn't "fix" the situation, and I couldn't "fix" the damage to my other loved ones the situation was causing.</p><p></p><p>So, when I got home, I threw myself into my computer, into one of several multi-volume sci-fi book series, watched every movie from Blockbuster I'd ever had the least interest in, and boy-oh-boy during football season I had a hand-made excuse for escaping all day Saturday and most of Sunday. </p><p></p><p>Basically, I threw myself into anything I could think of that didn't involve acknowledging the elephant in my living room. Unfortunately, escaping the McW drama also meant bailing on most of the stuff around the house as well.</p><p></p><p>wife tried to soldier on, didn't make a peep, but couldn't take over everything. Her health started to break down, her mental reserves (already drained from working with Learning Disability (LD) pre-K kids all day) just gave out. Eventually, she let loose on the whole family and went on strike. I didn't realize it, but my other two easy child kids had followed my lead and also withdrawn, leaving wife on her own to deal with the house and everything in it.</p><p></p><p>I admit it, I was a heel, but I didn't mean to be. I didn't even understand what I'd become until her health issues became serious enough that she just physically couldn't keep up the load. I know it sounds stupid, but I was really, truly surprised to find how far "out of it" I'd slipped.</p><p></p><p>I'd like to say I'm a better husband now that I know, but that would be a lie. I try very hard to make an effort at home now. I also try very hard to make sure the other two easy child kids help as well. But is it enough? I don't know. I feel pretty cruddy because it's something I have to force myself to do, even though before the McWeedy Chronicles started it was second nature to be wife's partner in work at home. </p><p></p><p>It's an effort, but I try. I still find myself unconsciously drawn to books, to the computer, to work, when things get bad with McW. But at least now wife knows to tell me (or beat me <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/devil2.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":devil2:" title="devil2 :devil2:" data-shortname=":devil2:" />) to help. And now, I know that I don't have the right to consciously or unconsciously bail out on the family because I can't handle McWeedy.</p><p></p><p>I don't know if that helps, or if that makes me just another grunting Neanderthal with no hope of moving up in the gene pool. But I heard a lot of myself in how you described your husband, and wanted to tell my side of it. It may or may not be his side as well, so YMMV.</p><p></p><p><img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite8" alt=":D" title="Big Grin :D" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":D" /></p><p></p><p>Mikey</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Mikey, post: 122102, member: 3579"] Hi Shari. Not sure what I can add, but can I give you a husband's point of view? I'm sure many people who read your post see someone who is obviously shirking a portion of the REAL work that goes into a family. I won't lie and say that many husbands don't think their day ends when they get home from the office. But, as I read your post, I didn't get that impression. You say in your sig that husband is your best friend. There must have been a reason for saying that. But now that's changed, and it's obviously (and rightly) upsetting you. From my perspective, when I read your post I heard you describing a man who is completely out of his element. I admit that I don't know your whole story, but much of what you wrote about your husband could have been transcribed by my beloved wife about me after we started dealing with McWeedy. I didn't mean to become a slob. I didn't mean to shut down once I walked through the door. I didn't mean to "forget" that work isn't just at the office, it's at home as well. But I did. I can't speak at all for your husband, but for myself I was in shock. And while I could be motivated to deal with McW's antics, beyond that I might as well have been an ottoman in front of an unused recliner. I don't make any excuses for my actions - there are no excuses. But I was in shock. As a man, I always felt (and still feel) that I'm ultimately responsible for dealing with the "hard stuff" in my family. And God chose my son to teach me the stupidity of that position. When I realized that McW was going to do whatever he wanted, and that there was little I could do to control it, I started withdrawing. When things got worse and the antics affected the whole family, I withdrew even more. I couldn't "fix" the situation, and I couldn't "fix" the damage to my other loved ones the situation was causing. So, when I got home, I threw myself into my computer, into one of several multi-volume sci-fi book series, watched every movie from Blockbuster I'd ever had the least interest in, and boy-oh-boy during football season I had a hand-made excuse for escaping all day Saturday and most of Sunday. Basically, I threw myself into anything I could think of that didn't involve acknowledging the elephant in my living room. Unfortunately, escaping the McW drama also meant bailing on most of the stuff around the house as well. wife tried to soldier on, didn't make a peep, but couldn't take over everything. Her health started to break down, her mental reserves (already drained from working with Learning Disability (LD) pre-K kids all day) just gave out. Eventually, she let loose on the whole family and went on strike. I didn't realize it, but my other two easy child kids had followed my lead and also withdrawn, leaving wife on her own to deal with the house and everything in it. I admit it, I was a heel, but I didn't mean to be. I didn't even understand what I'd become until her health issues became serious enough that she just physically couldn't keep up the load. I know it sounds stupid, but I was really, truly surprised to find how far "out of it" I'd slipped. I'd like to say I'm a better husband now that I know, but that would be a lie. I try very hard to make an effort at home now. I also try very hard to make sure the other two easy child kids help as well. But is it enough? I don't know. I feel pretty cruddy because it's something I have to force myself to do, even though before the McWeedy Chronicles started it was second nature to be wife's partner in work at home. It's an effort, but I try. I still find myself unconsciously drawn to books, to the computer, to work, when things get bad with McW. But at least now wife knows to tell me (or beat me :devil2:) to help. And now, I know that I don't have the right to consciously or unconsciously bail out on the family because I can't handle McWeedy. I don't know if that helps, or if that makes me just another grunting Neanderthal with no hope of moving up in the gene pool. But I heard a lot of myself in how you described your husband, and wanted to tell my side of it. It may or may not be his side as well, so YMMV. :happy: Mikey [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
General Discussions
The Watercooler
So many broken things...
Top