So Many Thoughts On Family, Neighbors, Strangers, YOU ALL!!!!!!

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Confused, May 23, 2015.

  1. Confused

    Confused Active Member

    Ok, Somewhere, Cedar, California,Insane, Wiped, Pasajes,Lil ,Jabber, HMB, runaway, Apple, EVERYONE!!!!!!!!( Id be naming the entire forum which would take up the whole thread and some, so Ill stop naming here, no one else feel left out your ALL included, incl new members)

    Im reading and will respond tonight to more threads, but wanted to say something...You all have lived it or similar, you all have had various issues health or mental health, financial, bad luck etc. Even if our situations aren't the same or even similar, your still going through life. No matter what you all are going through you all stop by to check on everyone else here and people who are "in person" in your lives.

    Just wanted to say thank you!!!!!!!! :flowers:

    You know how my life can be in circles, and it is changing Im learning but will still not accept 100% is "that no matter what we do, someone wont like it, basically not like me." We can do it their way, they wont like it still. They say they made no mistakes or wouldnt haven't made certain choices like we may have,maybe so. But we are all human and those who make us feel like poo no matter what we do we will never win. We need to live our lives and get away from them. ( eh hum.. I wonder where did I hear this from) ....Even if it is us making some mistakes, maybe we wont know that until we are away from them, or away from the issues. Maybe we just need a break. ( I know haha) Memories stick with us to, we need to keep busy, happy busy! I heard all this .. DRUM ROLL PLEASE!!!!!!!..from YOU ALL!!!!!!!!! Harder to follow our own advice always easier to give, at least for me!

    Maybe, we arent strong or great like "them" like "they" are, but thats just in certain areas! Because in other areas we ARE STRONGER then them in our own areas! We may not see it and issues pop up, memories, comments, but its because WE have hearts, WE want hurt no one, so we take it. ( again.... eh hum..I wonder where I heard this from)

    Stress is not our friend in anyway, but we have to figure out how to push most of it away - somehow. I still have my off days, I still am trying to figure out what is going on with some things about me but ones thing is for sure, some of me I left in the past, I want that me back! I gained new radars and knowledge and will use them in my future. I know not being everyones puppet pisses people off, but even when I was I still didnt do it right either!!! They will still knock me even If I got successful, ( billionaire discovered cures) kids straighten up and are presidents.., I look like a hot model and do everything like them, perfection. So why worry? I will because thats me, I will always feel guilty for maybe ( or definitely) hurting someones feelings and disappointing them. Esp my kiddos. Thats just who I am even before all the guilt trips. But I am not blinded by the fact people have issues and unlike some, I do not throw them under the bus. We are all wonderful for this!

    We have one life, lets keep trying to be happy and not let them win!!!!!! Not let the memories or past win, just lets go, when its my last day on earth( hopefully not for a long time!!) then Ill apologize for everything and everyone again but until then, only when I know beyond a doubt will I apologize once!! Same with you all!

    Have a great weekend and if anyone is going to bbq, eat some for me please!!!!!!!!!! :morecrackers:
     
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  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Confused, they aren't strong. They are bullies and bullies are weak. They need to find good people who are submissive and vulnerable to FEEL strong. Yelling and bossing people around and threatening others is not strength. It is weakness. It is abuse. Abusers are the weakest of the weak.

    There is no way you will ever:

    1. Always make people like you, even if you jump to their commands
    2. Ever be halfway happy if you do what others tell you to do, even if you unable to do it without stress
    3. Ever get love by being nice and doing what others want you to do
    4. Ever get love by loving others. This is first hand knowledge here. You can love all you want and I'm sure you do. But some dysfunctional people can't really love anybody. If somebody would disown you or snub you because they want you to live your life one way and you choose another way, that is not love. That is control.
    5. Be happy as long as you live around dysfunctional, crazy family (again first hand knowledge). I was pretty much forced out early and I thank my lucky stars that E., Thing 1 and often Thing 2 were not a big part of my adult years and that my children did not see how they treat me and had no ties to any of them. I think my kids would have gone off on them for their disrespect. As it is, they were spared and, for the most part, so was I and my husband too. THEY need us to scapegoat on and, if we are submissive, to boss around. We do not need them. They hinder us.

    Your thanks was gracious and warm. Keep postingm cyber0daughter :)
     
  3. Confused

    Confused Active Member


    I know what your saying and I know your right. Im just saying to them they are right. And to the weak, me , I question my moves in this world, making me think they are strong in some ways, they are strong in their bullying...

    Hugs cybermom :)
     
  4. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member

    SWOT is exactly correct. Until we are away from them physically, we cannot see where they are hurting us. Just like I can't see what my mom did or does even when I am just thinking about her today. I love her. That is my mother, or that is my sister, and they hurt and really, hate me all the time and isn't that something. You are right, Confused ~ we can choose to love, decide to try, make ourselves blind as bats to the wrongness in the things they do, but none of that is going to change them.

    So, just like with our kids when they are troubled, we need to be wary, and we need to be wise.

    And we need not to believe them.

    Not in any smallest thing.

    Maybe they cannot help it, that they are sick, but that doesn't make it okay for them to hurt anyone else ~ especially not those who should be able to trust them. It's like letting a murderer or a thief into our hearts, every time we open the door. But we do it anyway because they look so good, and they smell so nice to us. We refuse to believe what we know is true ~ even if the knife they used last time still has blood on it; even if we have to kick our own livers aside to open the door. "Oh, sorry for the mess. That is just my liver you eviscerated out of me last time you visited. What a messy person I am, livers everywhere. I will have to work on that. Try not to get blood on your shoes. Cookie?"

    :O)

    There are just people in the world who are like that. It is best to be wise, and it is best to be wary, and it is best to get away from them and that's hard.

    But as SWOT posts for us, we have our children and our mates and our animals and the good families we have created, in our neighborhoods of the heart.

    ***

    It is a hard thing, to be alone in the world. For some reason, predators flock to us like flies, and we need to learn how to stand up and beat them off, too. But that's easy, what the outside-the-family predators do. Who cares about them. But they will get us, if they can, so best to be wise and to be wary in other aspects of our lives, too. It is the same there as it is with our families: We need to believe them when they tell us who they are, the first time.

    ***

    Reading is one way to change our own thinking.

    Whatever the predators in our lives do, whatever they are doing, reading is one way to change our own thinking. And that will change our lives and our worlds and the worlds of our children. Even just being here on this site, where we all are so willing to wonder how to do our lives better ~ there are life-changing things happening here because we give and take to and for one another, and have made for ourselves a place in the world now where there are those who wish us well, who are pulling for us.

    Just like we are pulling for you and your children, and caring about you, and wishing you every good and wonderful thing.

    :O)

    So...D H made baby back ribs on the grill, last night. Speaking of barbecue, I mean.

    :spaghetti:


    Cedar
     
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Sweet Daughter, bullies are NOT strong. Being strong in bullying means being an aggressive abuser.

    Of course they think they are right. They could not live with themselves if they faced the truth. You don't think though that deep inside your family knows that they take shameless horrible advantage of you and then don't even act nice to you about it? I think it's possible to *know* but refuse to let the truth rise to the forefront of one's mind.

    A bully is never strong. Name one person you know who bullies you who would take on a worthy opponent? One who sis not afraid of him/her? They only take on those they feel they can hurt and beat down. While I did talk back, I was very vulnerable and they all knew it and played on it and E. pushed my buttons on purpose for reasons I don't know. Maybe she wanted to be able to prove that I lost my temper.

    But as my therapist said, losing your temper is a mainstream behavior, especially when you have been mistreated and have held so much inside. It is something, however, the abusers like to use as fodder.

    If you think about it, anyone's behavior can be twisted into being borderline, abusive, deranged, evil, etc. We come from our own interpretations of our family experiences and points of view and we have to choose who we are close to based on what is best for us and how we feel we are being treated. I'm positive Thing 2 things *I* was the abuser. I've seen her point of view on certain events, so different from mine. And it's ok for her to feel that way. Just don't bother ME about how you feel. Talk to others about it, and leave me alone and it's all good. She, and everyone else, has a right to think what she likes. And to work on her issues by what she perceived to be our family. The only consistent thing this proves is that our family (parental guidance) was a mess...and that we all have had to heal from their treatment of us. THAT is hard to dispute. As the chld, I certainly did not start our family dynamics nor did they. It's on the shoulders, in my opinion, mostly of E. I can't say dad was completely absolved. I do understand his point of view better though and he always treated me exactly the same as he treated the others and he had/has no favorites. He did THAT right. And, as pathetic as that crumb is, I have told him over and over of late that I so appreciate that he treated me as worthy or as unworthy as the others, but no worse. I REALLY appreciate this, since everyone else treated me as the family problem, even though I wasn't around the family much.

    They go for the vulnerable people, like us.

    I say that as bullied no more. And I don't want my wonderful cyber-daughter to wait this long to stop being bullied. I'm afraid your kids will pick up on how everyone treats you and copy it.

    My kids were spared. It was pretty much over by the time my kids were around. Mom was barely there. Thing 1 was living far away so he never got to know them (which is his loss. He'd like them). Thing 2 was back and forth and thankfully her husband at the time was not into getting together during holidays as a family. I am glad my kids did not have that family in their lives. I was damaged by the abuse, but they were not.

    Take your kids to safety.

    But...do it on your own time. If you ever need any private talk, you can always PM me. I care a lot about you being so young and already bravely rethinking your life. Many of us don't get it until our 50's and later. You are not only brave; you are smart.
     
    Last edited: May 24, 2015
  6. Confused

    Confused Active Member

    I know what you both are saying. But as I said before I know I will always carry the" maybe it was really ALL my fault " till the day I die. I will always question my past and present, future. Like, If I have done so much wrong, no matter what right I do now and future, Im still no good.

    Thats my issue

    But, again, I really meant to write all this for you all proving that no matter how ALL of your days are going, you ALL read and respond from your problems. Yet, I cant seem to do this. I feel is my stupidity I guess. I do not explain myself right, my words make no sense and I never have punctuation, usage of words,( lack of wonderful words to use) etc. I have nothing to discuss it seems other than my or someone elses issues whos are similar to mine. I just cant seem to carry a conversation! It just makes me think how lucky I am to have you all and my kiddos. Yes even tho my kiddos are not easy esp son, I love them. They are my life.

    My kids aren't in danger, everyone is great to them, but its stressful living near so many people who hate me. Not saying when I move some one else wont hate me, but, they will hate me for whatever or whoever I am, not because of what they been told. Life is hard everywhere, I know that. But looking around me, I agree with you both, with you all that I can only do so much to help others, they have to help themselves too. I cant carry their load, I mean sure, I can listen and maybe give advice, but I cant be bottled up the rest of my life. I want my kids and I to travel as much as possible, make some good memories. I want to be the ruler of my domain( house) with all my rules and not live under someone elses rules. ( Well, some others rules I will take with me we all follow rules in life thats fine)

    You both have lived some of my life and we just kept missing each other in the flesh it seems.( well, I know not literally but some things are similar is all) You both and others here have and are going through a lot still and I really want you both and others to have a great life. Its like the movies or commercials where we are the few that try to break free from the clan( zombies, prisons, that school commercial ). YOu all have been now its my turn! Haven't given up, the more I get frustrated the more my little rusty wheels in my head turn and I just have so many ideas and plans, they just have to work out!

    I love ribs!!!!!! You all have a great day, eat plenty of food! We can go one day or two off a diet!!! Well, you can eat plenty and still eat healthy too!
     
  7. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    It was mine too. You are going to change a lot and it doesn't always have to be your issue. Everybody does wrong things. So what? That doesn't make you terrible. People do what they want to do because THEY want to do it. You can't make anyone do anything. This took me a long time to learn, but it's true.

    You have GREAT posts :) Have a great day! Raining here, but going to set up the barbecue in the garage if the sun doesn't come out later.
     
  8. Confused

    Confused Active Member

    Thank you Somewhere :) Hopefully I will be like you and be able to change this issue. Time will tell I guess.

    Awww your sweet about my posts! Hopefully the rain stops so you all can have a great time today.

    I didn't bbq exactly, I made hamburgers and hotdogs on the stove and used a little bbq sauce with the last bunch! Plus chips, soda , bottled water, and veggies will be for dinner! Maybe pancakes for lunch lol!
     
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