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Parent Emeritus
So much for a happy new year. This is no way to start.
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 705520" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Lil. Unless he is invested in the outcome, coming home will only be a pit stop. All of the stress and strain of having him home without motivation to make it work. I will speak for me here: coming home might be regressive if he does not want to come home. If he feels and defines it as a loss.</p><p></p><p>My son told me yesterday: <em>The only reason I came back here is because I had nowhere else to go.</em></p><p></p><p>I challenged him on it: <em>You have multiple counties that offered to help you get subsidized housing. You could have stayed in the Big City if you were willing to pay $500 a month for rent, which you are capable of doing, if the weed was not your single priority. You could have worked. You are entitled to have a certain amount of earnings each month. You have proven yourself capable of working. Each of these are choices. You chose to come back here.</em></p><p></p><p>So he is defining being here with us, as a loss. As forced, by circumstance. He seems to be minimizing the responsibilities to him (as usual) based upon what HE CHOSE. He chooses not to choose. In that way, we have to.</p><p></p><p>I am sick of it too.</p><p></p><p>And the inconvenience, forfeiting control over our space; his imposition of his rules (however much improved, he is still doing it--he keeps turning the heat off, and I wonder why I am freezing; leaving the garage doors open (with all of our stuff and M's tools, etc.).</p><p>This is valid, to me. And I agree with TL. Do what will ease your preoccupation the quickest and most.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 705520, member: 18958"] Lil. Unless he is invested in the outcome, coming home will only be a pit stop. All of the stress and strain of having him home without motivation to make it work. I will speak for me here: coming home might be regressive if he does not want to come home. If he feels and defines it as a loss. My son told me yesterday: [I]The only reason I came back here is because I had nowhere else to go.[/I] I challenged him on it: [I]You have multiple counties that offered to help you get subsidized housing. You could have stayed in the Big City if you were willing to pay $500 a month for rent, which you are capable of doing, if the weed was not your single priority. You could have worked. You are entitled to have a certain amount of earnings each month. You have proven yourself capable of working. Each of these are choices. You chose to come back here.[/I] So he is defining being here with us, as a loss. As forced, by circumstance. He seems to be minimizing the responsibilities to him (as usual) based upon what HE CHOSE. He chooses not to choose. In that way, we have to. I am sick of it too. And the inconvenience, forfeiting control over our space; his imposition of his rules (however much improved, he is still doing it--he keeps turning the heat off, and I wonder why I am freezing; leaving the garage doors open (with all of our stuff and M's tools, etc.). This is valid, to me. And I agree with TL. Do what will ease your preoccupation the quickest and most. [/QUOTE]
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So much for a happy new year. This is no way to start.
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