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<blockquote data-quote="flutterbee" data-source="post: 19174"><p>What a jerk.</p><p></p><p>I know as a mother it's instinct to want to protect your kids and foster relationships between parent and child. I learned a long time ago, though, that my kid's relationship with their fathers was just that - a relationship with their fathers. I quit being the one to try to maintain that relationship. Because I was the only one doing it. My father was only around when it was convenient for him, so I had some personal experience to draw on. As an adult, I've cut him out of my life. First I would only meet him for lunch because it had a designated start and end time. Then, when I'd finally had enough, cut off all contact.</p><p></p><p>difficult child's father hasn't made any attempt to contact her since she was 3. She will sometimes ask about him and ask why he hates her. It's heartbreaking. I tell her that he doesn't hate her, that he loves her but that he doesn't know how to show love to people. Which is true. And he has no desire to change.</p><p></p><p>easy child's dad is still in the picture, although there were a couple of years when easy child was a toddler that he wasn't. I stay out of their relationship. easy child feels that his dad's love is conditional and he is pretty guarded around him. He loves his father, but he's always ready to come home after visiting him.</p><p></p><p>The bottom line is, kids aren't stupid. They're very good at seeing things for what they are. Even when we wish we could protect them from it. I'm sorry your DEX is being a lousy father right now - for you and the boys.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="flutterbee, post: 19174"] What a jerk. I know as a mother it's instinct to want to protect your kids and foster relationships between parent and child. I learned a long time ago, though, that my kid's relationship with their fathers was just that - a relationship with their fathers. I quit being the one to try to maintain that relationship. Because I was the only one doing it. My father was only around when it was convenient for him, so I had some personal experience to draw on. As an adult, I've cut him out of my life. First I would only meet him for lunch because it had a designated start and end time. Then, when I'd finally had enough, cut off all contact. difficult child's father hasn't made any attempt to contact her since she was 3. She will sometimes ask about him and ask why he hates her. It's heartbreaking. I tell her that he doesn't hate her, that he loves her but that he doesn't know how to show love to people. Which is true. And he has no desire to change. easy child's dad is still in the picture, although there were a couple of years when easy child was a toddler that he wasn't. I stay out of their relationship. easy child feels that his dad's love is conditional and he is pretty guarded around him. He loves his father, but he's always ready to come home after visiting him. The bottom line is, kids aren't stupid. They're very good at seeing things for what they are. Even when we wish we could protect them from it. I'm sorry your DEX is being a lousy father right now - for you and the boys. [/QUOTE]
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