So much for TGIF. Had it with-husband, easy child 2 is peeing her pants, & difficult child is starting downward.

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Shari, Oct 31, 2009.

  1. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?


    Sorry, I feel like all I do is mitch and boan anymore. But if I don't, I'll explode.

    I finally blew my top with husband. I went away for work for TWO DAYS last week and he had to write down what to do with difficult child. It took and entire sheet of notebook paper, and we're not talking just things specific to difficult child...we're talking bath, clothes, changing sheets if he wets them...typical random general PARENTING stuff. It was a big eye opener.

    husband's truck has no tranny. He put it in a bind cause he was too lazy to walk up a hill to fish 2 summers ago and cracked the tranny case. I pulled the tranny and had it looked at to put the "guts" into a new case, and even tho it had only been 2 years since it was rebuilt, it was junk. Can't find a used one and I won't spend the money to put a new one in that old hunk of junk truck so it has now sat for 2 full years while he "decides" what to do with it -he's had 4 offers from people wanting to buy it.

    That was the third transmission in that truck. The front end is out of alignment and it was eating tires. Instead of fixing the front end, he just kept putting old tires on it. The motor (which I also paid for) does not run right.

    Let me also throw in that my truck has 300,000+ miles on it. At about 260,000, it had a tranny leak and he drove it home with no fluid and burnt that trans. I was attempting to baby it thru as long as I could, and I watched him pull out of the drive one morning in it, too low on tranny fluid to make it move, and he revved that thing repeatedly - 15 or 20 times - trying to make it go without stopping to add fluid. For those who don't know, that's incredibally hard on transmissions, and only when it didn't go, did he stop and put fluid in it. He was GOING TO A GARAGE SALE! Needless to say, that's an image that doesn't go away.

    At 270,000, I put a new tranny in it and I bought a second car so the truck could be parked unless we're pulling something.

    So he's been driving one of my cars and it has been overheating randomly. I took it to the shop a month ago and they think the head gasket is blown. $600 to fix the gasket, $1100 to put in a salvage motor. In a car with significant body damage and a slipping transmission that has used oil from day one, that husband does not check until the low oil light comes on for the past 2 years, that hasn't had the oil changed in it since November of last year, WHEN I DID IT (and had been a year prior to that). He darn near red-lines it every morning he leaves for work (can't stand to accelerate slow), its been rode hard and put up wet for 2 full years, plus difficult child before that. No. I'm not sinking money into that Titanic.

    He bought a $5000 commercial lawnmower 2 years ago. Changed the oil once. In addition to driving it to mow, he drives it back in the pasture to check cows or chase horses. He drives it to go fishing (God forbid he walk somewhere - in his defense, he does have a bum leg...but its not THAT bum.) It now dies at random. Has he looked at the problem? No. Just keeps driving it like that.

    So, anyway, back to the car. Since I won't fix the other car, he thinks he'll just drive my truck.

    UH NO! Not the way he has taken care of things, and he totally doesn't get that! "We're a team" he says. And "He just wants things to perform, he doesn't want to *****-foot around". All well and good, but not on my gotta pay to play, and so far, he's not paying.

    I'm tired of paying all the bills and having less money to get thru a week than he has, but being responsible for 4 people instead of just myself. I'm tired of asking his opinion about something, getting "stomp stomp sigh that's fine" and then having it thrown back at me later that he didn't like it or agree with it (He's still mad that easy child 1 and I moved the hay 3 years ago - even tho, when we asked husband, he said "yeah, whatever" - and he still brings it up). He did it with supper last night...he didn't really want chili. I wanted to tell him to get off his rump and fix something then. Instead, I made chili.

    He left tomatoes on the table this summer. They rotted. ON a 200 year od family heirloom. I just got it refninshed and had to pay for that ($200). I put a new furnace in our house last month. I had to pay another $200 in licenses and there's $400 due in property taxes due that I can't pay right now. PLus wee difficult child has a dr appointment in Tulsa and I don't have the money to take him.

    For some reason, 2 months ago, he took all the horses off the pasture and put them in one three-acre lot and has been feeding them hay. The hay is good, and the three small horses are WAY overweight - I am worried they will founder - the small pony already has. The three older horses are too skinny. They are ribby. They were out of hay last night and I have pointed out their varied condition for 3 weeks now. He was going to put out more hay. So I "cautiously" suggested putting the older horses back on the pasture, and limiting the hay for ones that are overweight. He didn't say a word, then came stomping to the house to get something. Why was he stomping? Because I wasn't helping.

    Last week, he sat in the living room and told some friends, in front of easy child 2, that he never has any trouble with her. She listens to him. If he tells her to get up, she jumps, cause he was an effective parent to her when she was young. Ok, mr dad of the year...why have the last 3 weeks when you've called her to get up for school, I've had to go back 10 minutes later and do it again? How about that lying problem? Apparently she doesn't lie to him? Or maybe its just a case of he chooses not to notice, so it must not be a problem. Whatever...oh that made me mad. She already has perfect angel syndrome going on.

    Plus, she's been peeing her pants. I am the only one in the picture that sees a problem with a 12+ year old girl who suddenly starts peeing her pants. She's been doing it and hiding it for at least 4 months. I suspected it, but now its confirmed. She peed her pants the last weekend she was with us, and she has already this weekend. I have the wet pants and underwear to prove it. I called her counselor, but I'm worried about her.

    Wee difficult child is beginning his annual fall spiral, too. Nothing major, yet, but there's a pattern, and its time. Happens every year. Doesn't make it easier.

    So, I blew my top with husband. I'm worried about easy child, and I am at the end of my rope with all of it. Wee difficult child is having a rough time and I know he's not being that way on purpose, but I just can't deal with it. I have reached the end. In the first 20 minutes he was awake this morning, he needed things from me 14 times. I counted. I stopped at 20 minutes. In writing this I've had to stop at least 11 times (and that was after I started counting). I really, really, really could pick up something large and smash it right now.

    I'm going to pull my hair out. Thanks for letting me spew my scatter-brained vent.

    (Oh, and what was husband's response to me blowing my top? Not a word. He looked on ebay at trucks (is he buying one? no, just looking) then played online games til 3am.)

    And for the newest vehicle is my truck, and its 16 years old.
    Last edited: Oct 31, 2009
  2. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    You so need and deserve some time for yourself. Find a way to get out today and treat yourself to something! Sending many hugs your way:flower:
  3. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Yup, you need to go for a looooong walk, and maybe not go back for a day or two :p

    I'm sending over Raoul and sending everyone else away. He's going to give you a professional massage, then pour you a glass of wine and draw a hot bubbly bath and lay out huge fluffy towels and a nice mindless fluff novel for you to enjoy while you soak and sip. Then his cousins are coming over to clean your house and fix your cars and fill your freezer with ready-to-heat meals so all you have to do is pop-em in the microwave while you put your feet up and read the paper. :D

    Sounds like husband needs a major come-to-Jesus talk about what being a grown up is all about. I'm sorry he's being such a difficult child.

    I'd be worried about easy child, too. Have you taken her to the pediatrician to rule out infection? Do you think there's any abuse going on anywhere? What does she say about why she thinks it happens?

  4. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    Reality hoovers big time. There is no doubt about it. I am sorry everything is rough for you right now, and wish I had good advice for you. Sometimes it is hard when you realize that you are pulling most of the load at home, it takes some real hard thinking to decide if it is worth it to be in that situation. That is never an easy decision. Try to do something for you and I have found that for me that helps. If I can get in a better space I can have a better perspective on what is going.

    Here's hoping difficult child does not get completely out of whack, maybe his spiraling will be less than normal.
  5. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry, Shari. Sending lots of hugs and extra strength to get you through.
  6. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am sorry things are so stressful. It really sounds like your husband doesn't have a clue. Sadly, on some things I end up making detailed chore charts for my husband. Otherwise there is no chance that anything will get done.

    Would your husband ignore charts? I have to tantrum to get mine, but sometimes it is necessary.

    I hope things smooth out and/or you and husband find a way to tackle this together.

    Woudl your husband understand more if you put it all in a letter to him? Or several letters?

    easy child 2 is showing some scary signs. The first thing that comes to mind for teen onset wetting accidents is possible sexual abuse. I am sure it is not the only thing, but it is the only thing I can think of. I hope and pray that it is NOT that. But biomom doesn't seem too stable and probably has bfs that are not too stable either.

    Many hugs,

  7. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    So sorry you are going through this. Sending you as much strength as I can.