So need some advice..........

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by beachbeanb, Oct 16, 2011.

  1. beachbeanb

    beachbeanb New Member

    Hey everyone

    I will try and keep this brief....16yo son went to dinner with dad and I and while we were away he gave the combo to our garage door to sketchy friend and company. Sketchy friend comes in my house and breaks into our locked cabinet and stole alcohol. I came home and son left with sketchy friend. I noticed something was up with sketchy friend's behavior....too nice to me, overly talkative etc. So called husband to come home from an errand. We found broken bottles on our garage floor and then the missing bottles and messed with lock. Called son to come home...did and he finally fessed up that sketchy was in our home. Called sketchy friend and told him he was never allowed in our house again. Then while I was dealing with son....I told him that I was going to have to call my neighbor whose daughter is dating sketchy friend and tell her what happened. Our son knows that is the agreement I have with my neighbor. Son proceeds to call sketchy friend and tell him. Later sketchy friend's mother calls and says she does not know where her sone is. I explain what happened. She continues to call saying she cannot find him. I try and help her....our son tells her that her son knows that I am going to tell his girlfriend's mom. Sketchy friend's mom tells me that her son is suicidal.....omg!

    He remains missing all son and husbnd went up to police dept to give them info. They end up finding him this am...all cut up....evidently this is his MO....and he is admitted to the hospital.

    His mom then calls me to please with me not to tell girlfriend's mom.

    Am I compassionate to this messed up kid? Am I done with this messed up behavior of these kids? Do I think that if he wanted to really kill himself he would have dome it? Do I care about anything but the issue of my son's incredibly bad choices? Is it time to say I can't do this anymore and send him to a safer environment?

    Let me just say my son's friends are kids that I believe get a kick out of being messed up and I just harsh or does anyone else see this culture? Ugh ugh and more ugh.....
  2. beachbeanb

    beachbeanb New Member

    Sorry about typos.....getting use to this new iPad thing.....least of my worries for sure!
  3. buddy

    buddy New Member

    you can have compassion for the child and still tell girlfriend's mom. If it was my daughter, I'd want to know. HIS mom should be telling girlfriend's mom so she can know the issues and choose to be supportive of him. I think his mom should not have put you in that position. Better they find out now while he is in the hospital. Just MHO.... follow your heart, you know more about the situation than I can so you have my support either way... hugs, Buddy
  4. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    Just think: you can tell girlfriend mom while the boy is in the safety of the phos! And while you're at it you can report it to the police while he is in the safety of the phos! And report your difficult child as a helper to a robbery. If this were my difficult child 1 not telling would be rewarding the suicidal behavior. His suicidal behavior would increase lots. Buts that just what I would do. You might choose something different.
  5. beachbeanb

    beachbeanb New Member

    Thanks so much buddy....I am breathing deep and keeping my mouth shut for today...maybe that will give them a chance to do the right thing so I won't have to.....wouldn't that be great......meanwhile got to focus on my son' lack of the way...this is not the first time stuff has been taken from our home by son's maddening and disappointing....trying to stay focused and firm.
  6. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Tell the girlfriend's mom. That is your deal with her and she trusts you. You would want to know in her place.
  7. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    I agree with buddy. I would still go ahead and talk to girlfriend's mom but let her know the WHOLE story. What they do with the information in up to them but they have th right to know and if it does turn out they turn their back on him, it is better to do it while he's in the hospital. The staff there can help him deal with it. As a parent, I would want to know but I would also want ALL the details to make an informed decision.

    Good luck and {{{{(((HUGS)))}}}.
  8. beachbeanb

    beachbeanb New Member

    Ya know liana...I am beginning to believe that threatening suicide is a way to deflect consequences. I can't believe I am typing that but I have witnessed it more than once. They do something stupid, they get caught, they say they are going to kill themselves, get poked in the hospital for a few days or parents back off due to fear of losing them, then they escape punishment. It is driving me is like they know you can't really argue with suicide. Don't know how to deal with that....
  9. keista

    keista New Member

    WTF? Sorry, I cannot find a valid reason why this mom would want to keep this a secret from the girlfriend's mom, except, of course, the fact that she is an enabler. I can totally get your son or sneaky kid asking this, but the mom? What the heck does she have to lose out of girlfriend's mom being told?

    As far as you are concerned, you made a pact with neighbor's mother and you should keep it. I don't see how NOT telling would be showing compassion to sneaky kid. in my opinion it's just hiding his undesirable actions (however they are motivated) Just because his mother wants to enable or try to be in denial of the severity of his issues, doesn't mean you have to. Telling girlfriend's mom is not gossiping, it is not advertising the issue, it is not anything bad at all. It is simply keeping your word and protecting girlfriend.

    As far a s a safer environment for your son - do you have any options? If not just keep doing what you are doing. If the other kid, or any others you don't want around come to your property, call the police and get a no trespass order issued. Not much else you can do to keep them away, but doing whatever you can do legally does send a clear message. It's up to them and your difficult child to understand that message.
  10. beachbeanb

    beachbeanb New Member

    Keista.....I know right!!!!!! I was shocked when she asked me. But who am I to say what people do with there kids. Will be interesting to see after all the suicide talk(omy I sound mean) dies down ..... Will he come and offer an apology for breaking into a locked cabinet????? The last time this happened I told the kid and the parent that we needed to have a talk all together before she was allowed back into my home.....she is still a no show...parent is more interested in keeping her happy than facing the music. I am beginning to think our generation may be the worst parents ever.....