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So now driving has opened up a new set of difficult child adventures
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<blockquote data-quote="Origami" data-source="post: 637566" data-attributes="member: 18099"><p>Wow, I feel like you guys think I'm giving difficult child a beer in one hand and the car keys in the other! Have I miscommunicated myself that much?</p><p></p><p>2much, I admitted that I gave him permission once, regrettably, and now the floodgates have opened and I'm trying to stop them. It's not OK for him to drive, and I have told him over and over. I'm still trying to reign in the problem, which I realize I partially created with the initial permission. I'm not sure I "get anything" out of this back and forth except I'm trying to figure out how to solve the problem. I admit I was a little upset at the tone of your post at first, but you're probably seeing some things I haven't seen in myself. Is it easier to view problems clearly from the outside than from our own point of view sometimes?</p><p></p><p>When I initially allowed my son to drive alone, it was late at night and he wanted to take his girlfriend home. I had been asleep and he woke me up and asked if it was OK, I said yes. At the time, I thought it would be a better option than her walking though a not-so-nice Chicago neighborhood by herself or for either of them to be out walking. In hindsight, I can see I should have driven her myself or given her money for a taxi, but my judgment was off as we've already established.</p><p></p><p>I'm sorry if you thought my tone was lighthearted ("gleeful") and I was providing this information for entertainment value in some way. Maybe I was whistling in the graveyard and rolling my eyes a bit by sharing the fact that difficult child thinks the rules don't apply to him and that he always (in his mind) has a good reason for breaking them. I thought that was a common behavior in our difficult children (it is in my two, anyway) and that you guys could probably relate to that. </p><p></p><p>As GFG17 is my youngest of 5, there is 10 years difference between him and my other difficult child. The two kids between them were and are PCs, so I had very few problems with them and likely got out of practice with dealing with this kind of thing. Maybe I got complacent or tired, and I'm trying to regain my mojo. The older difficult child has been out of the house (we booted him out at age 17) for 10 years until this recent setback, when we were not enabling him in any way (no money, etc.) and our interactions were Sunday dinners and occasionally babysitting the grandkids. He got married, had a series of jobs, moved to California, moved back again, got arrested, etc. I've related part of his story in previous posts. </p><p></p><p>Yes, he's come back and has been back too long. The "temporary" aspect wasn't all that temporary, but I'm not kicking him, my daughter in law, or the babies out as long as GFG27 and wife are contributing to the household, looking for jobs, and not using drugs of any kind. So far they have been abiding by these rules. They buy groceries, clean the house, make dinners, and are generally pleasant to be around. The fighting has stopped, also. I have asked them to move by the end of the school year since they have no means to do so now (financially) and I wouldn't ask my worst enemy to move in the kind of winters that we have.</p><p></p><p>I don't quite understand this statement:</p><p>"If younger difficult child had killed someone on the highway when you gave permission to drive illegally, you might have gotten a ton of mileage out of it, but not so much the innocent the victims of the accident."</p><p></p><p>Are you saying I'd get a kick out of this kind of drama? Really? Would it be any less tragic if my difficult child (or anyone's) caused an accident <em>with</em> a valid license? Should we not let our teenagers drive at all, even when licensed? They are dangerous people, correct? I honestly have no issue with my son's driving ability, and he's been driving a while with the permit and could pass the test today except he's not old enough. I have an issue with the way he thinks it's OK to drive without my permission and that he doesn't think he has to follow the rules. To imply that I'd be complicent in an accident he may cause and that I'd get some kind of "mileage" from it seems like a rather cruel stretch to me.</p><p></p><p>I'm trying to take a deep breath here and take everyone's advice for what it's worth. I wouldn't be posting on this forum if I thought I was perfect or had all the answers.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Origami, post: 637566, member: 18099"] Wow, I feel like you guys think I'm giving difficult child a beer in one hand and the car keys in the other! Have I miscommunicated myself that much? 2much, I admitted that I gave him permission once, regrettably, and now the floodgates have opened and I'm trying to stop them. It's not OK for him to drive, and I have told him over and over. I'm still trying to reign in the problem, which I realize I partially created with the initial permission. I'm not sure I "get anything" out of this back and forth except I'm trying to figure out how to solve the problem. I admit I was a little upset at the tone of your post at first, but you're probably seeing some things I haven't seen in myself. Is it easier to view problems clearly from the outside than from our own point of view sometimes? When I initially allowed my son to drive alone, it was late at night and he wanted to take his girlfriend home. I had been asleep and he woke me up and asked if it was OK, I said yes. At the time, I thought it would be a better option than her walking though a not-so-nice Chicago neighborhood by herself or for either of them to be out walking. In hindsight, I can see I should have driven her myself or given her money for a taxi, but my judgment was off as we've already established. I'm sorry if you thought my tone was lighthearted ("gleeful") and I was providing this information for entertainment value in some way. Maybe I was whistling in the graveyard and rolling my eyes a bit by sharing the fact that difficult child thinks the rules don't apply to him and that he always (in his mind) has a good reason for breaking them. I thought that was a common behavior in our difficult children (it is in my two, anyway) and that you guys could probably relate to that. As GFG17 is my youngest of 5, there is 10 years difference between him and my other difficult child. The two kids between them were and are PCs, so I had very few problems with them and likely got out of practice with dealing with this kind of thing. Maybe I got complacent or tired, and I'm trying to regain my mojo. The older difficult child has been out of the house (we booted him out at age 17) for 10 years until this recent setback, when we were not enabling him in any way (no money, etc.) and our interactions were Sunday dinners and occasionally babysitting the grandkids. He got married, had a series of jobs, moved to California, moved back again, got arrested, etc. I've related part of his story in previous posts. Yes, he's come back and has been back too long. The "temporary" aspect wasn't all that temporary, but I'm not kicking him, my daughter in law, or the babies out as long as GFG27 and wife are contributing to the household, looking for jobs, and not using drugs of any kind. So far they have been abiding by these rules. They buy groceries, clean the house, make dinners, and are generally pleasant to be around. The fighting has stopped, also. I have asked them to move by the end of the school year since they have no means to do so now (financially) and I wouldn't ask my worst enemy to move in the kind of winters that we have. I don't quite understand this statement: "If younger difficult child had killed someone on the highway when you gave permission to drive illegally, you might have gotten a ton of mileage out of it, but not so much the innocent the victims of the accident." Are you saying I'd get a kick out of this kind of drama? Really? Would it be any less tragic if my difficult child (or anyone's) caused an accident [I]with[/I] a valid license? Should we not let our teenagers drive at all, even when licensed? They are dangerous people, correct? I honestly have no issue with my son's driving ability, and he's been driving a while with the permit and could pass the test today except he's not old enough. I have an issue with the way he thinks it's OK to drive without my permission and that he doesn't think he has to follow the rules. To imply that I'd be complicent in an accident he may cause and that I'd get some kind of "mileage" from it seems like a rather cruel stretch to me. I'm trying to take a deep breath here and take everyone's advice for what it's worth. I wouldn't be posting on this forum if I thought I was perfect or had all the answers. [/QUOTE]
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