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So now driving has opened up a new set of difficult child adventures
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<blockquote data-quote="Origami" data-source="post: 637579" data-attributes="member: 18099"><p>Thanks for the apology, 2much, and I admit I was somewhat hurt. I realize you have good intentions and maybe I'm being a bit defensive since I obviously am still entrenched in enabling this younger son. </p><p>The older difficult child started acting out at age 15, but his was a very quiet form of rebellion where he'd lie about his whereabouts, go missing for a few days, etc. until he finally got arrested for marijuana possession and we discovered he was experimenting with other things. He had also dropped out of high school. At the time, younger difficult child was only 10 and his sister was 13, so we had a lot of drama that ended with older son moving out at our urging right before his 18th birthday. He was already barely living with us, though. Our relationship now is better than it's ever been since then, and he told me once that kicking him out was the best thing we ever did for him.</p><p></p><p>Younger son, on the other hand, has been boisterious, rowdy, and unmanageable in many ways since he was a toddler. He never does anything quietly, and he wants everyone to know when he's upset, etc. His history is too long to repeat now, but as an example, about a year ago he had been gone overnight without asking for permission to be out. We had already told him that if he failed to let us know his whereabouts, we would take away his cell phone for a day. Well, we followed through with that threat and also wouldn't let him buy cigarettes. (That's fodder for a whole other thread, but he's been smoking since age 15 and absolutely freaks out if he doesn't have his cigs. My husband and I have never smoked, so have disapproved from Day 1, but again, he didn't care about the rules.) So in response to not having his cell phone or cigarettes, he spent 45 minutes slamming doors, punching walls, throwing things in his room, threatening us, you name it. Husband and I sat stoically in the living room while this was happening until husband finally got fed up and gave him back his phone. We live in an apartment building and are always aware that our noise can be disturbing to our neighbors.</p><p></p><p>So I think it's this fear of violence and unpredictable behavior that partly feeds my reluctance to set strict boundaries with him. He has threatened to **** up my things, ie. computer, etc. if he didn't have his way. My daughter has told me that when we fail to stand up to him, he learns that he gets his way by throwing a tantrum. I'm sure that I've read that here on the forum, also. </p><p></p><p>So I'm still looking that strength to let him have a tantrum, go ballistic, or whatever he decides to do when he acts out against our attempted boundaries and rules. It's hard when we're worried about getting evicted if things get too crazy. I'm nervous about calling the police too often, also, although I've done so twice when the difficult children were fighting.</p><p></p><p>Thanks MWM, 2much, and SuZir for your latest comments--I'm still processing everything, and appreciate your help and patience.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Origami, post: 637579, member: 18099"] Thanks for the apology, 2much, and I admit I was somewhat hurt. I realize you have good intentions and maybe I'm being a bit defensive since I obviously am still entrenched in enabling this younger son. The older difficult child started acting out at age 15, but his was a very quiet form of rebellion where he'd lie about his whereabouts, go missing for a few days, etc. until he finally got arrested for marijuana possession and we discovered he was experimenting with other things. He had also dropped out of high school. At the time, younger difficult child was only 10 and his sister was 13, so we had a lot of drama that ended with older son moving out at our urging right before his 18th birthday. He was already barely living with us, though. Our relationship now is better than it's ever been since then, and he told me once that kicking him out was the best thing we ever did for him. Younger son, on the other hand, has been boisterious, rowdy, and unmanageable in many ways since he was a toddler. He never does anything quietly, and he wants everyone to know when he's upset, etc. His history is too long to repeat now, but as an example, about a year ago he had been gone overnight without asking for permission to be out. We had already told him that if he failed to let us know his whereabouts, we would take away his cell phone for a day. Well, we followed through with that threat and also wouldn't let him buy cigarettes. (That's fodder for a whole other thread, but he's been smoking since age 15 and absolutely freaks out if he doesn't have his cigs. My husband and I have never smoked, so have disapproved from Day 1, but again, he didn't care about the rules.) So in response to not having his cell phone or cigarettes, he spent 45 minutes slamming doors, punching walls, throwing things in his room, threatening us, you name it. Husband and I sat stoically in the living room while this was happening until husband finally got fed up and gave him back his phone. We live in an apartment building and are always aware that our noise can be disturbing to our neighbors. So I think it's this fear of violence and unpredictable behavior that partly feeds my reluctance to set strict boundaries with him. He has threatened to **** up my things, ie. computer, etc. if he didn't have his way. My daughter has told me that when we fail to stand up to him, he learns that he gets his way by throwing a tantrum. I'm sure that I've read that here on the forum, also. So I'm still looking that strength to let him have a tantrum, go ballistic, or whatever he decides to do when he acts out against our attempted boundaries and rules. It's hard when we're worried about getting evicted if things get too crazy. I'm nervous about calling the police too often, also, although I've done so twice when the difficult children were fighting. Thanks MWM, 2much, and SuZir for your latest comments--I'm still processing everything, and appreciate your help and patience. [/QUOTE]
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