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So now driving has opened up a new set of difficult child adventures
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 637581" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Oragami, I mean no harm to you either and I don't think you enjoy this. I do believe you are far too lenient with kids who will take advantage of you, but that is your choice.</p><p></p><p>In my house, if anyone is perceived to be possibly violent...if I feel somebody is unsafe to me or anyone living here, pets included, I refuse to be afraid in my own home, my castle. They are gone. That is why my son was shown the door at age 18. There are no second chances when it comes to violence in my world. I had a daughter to think about and her friends who came over and my SO also lived here. It was my house, not my son's house. He had rules to follow or he could not stay.</p><p></p><p>I actually am in the minority in that I cracked down on the cigarette smoking pronto. I didn't care if my daughter thew a tantrum or not...if she had been violent, she would have had the cops called on her and been shown the door as well. When she started using drugs, I saw cigarettes in her purse. Well, I am not about to help my daughter get the various diseases one gets for smoking and I don't allow smoking in my house by anyone. So I would constantly throw out her cigarettes. I had no idea why it worked, but it did. When she quit drugs, she also quit cigarettes. Now she's as bad an anti-cigaratte advocate as I am. Her house is smoke free, like mine.</p><p></p><p>Again, all of us do what we have to do to survive. In my case, I could not have survived with my nerves intact if I had had to worry I'd get assaulted because I said or did the wrong thing. I simply am not the kind of person who can handle that, nor did I like my grown son running the show at home. Nobody enjoyed his threatening presence in the house. </p><p></p><p>Again I am talking only about myself, not you, so you get where I'm coming from. </p><p></p><p>Under no circumstances can an entire family move into our house for a year, especially if the cause of it is illegal behavior. I'd probably agree to take the grands, but not the adults. </p><p></p><p>I have been in therapy since age 23. I have a serious mood disorder. I learned a lot of things some people don't hear or learn or just won't listen to, but one thing I take very seriously is being good to myself and setting strong boundaries. Yes, it took me a while, even with therapy, to do it, but I'm glad I got it. My life is peaceful now. It has been for years. I don't fear a lack of peace under my own roof, the police dropping by, or any sort of drama, really. </p><p></p><p>Your oldest son is a walking time bomb. He is likely not going to stay clean and wasn't he smoking pot in your back yard a while ago and aren't you paying for his toys and everything else? Are you wealthy enough to do this? I'm not telling you not to do it, I just know I couldn't do that if I wanted to. Hubby and I don't make enough to support anyone else's family. You don't have to answer here either. It's just something to ask yourself. If you end up broke, will your sons help you out? More just for your mind, not to answer here.</p><p></p><p>This is what worked for me so I'm sharing it. </p><p></p><p>Peace <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> Try to do something nice for yoruself today!!!! You matter. It's not just about your kids...you have a valuable, precious life too and it will be a life that is exactly how you want it to be. We take our own life trips.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 637581, member: 1550"] Oragami, I mean no harm to you either and I don't think you enjoy this. I do believe you are far too lenient with kids who will take advantage of you, but that is your choice. In my house, if anyone is perceived to be possibly violent...if I feel somebody is unsafe to me or anyone living here, pets included, I refuse to be afraid in my own home, my castle. They are gone. That is why my son was shown the door at age 18. There are no second chances when it comes to violence in my world. I had a daughter to think about and her friends who came over and my SO also lived here. It was my house, not my son's house. He had rules to follow or he could not stay. I actually am in the minority in that I cracked down on the cigarette smoking pronto. I didn't care if my daughter thew a tantrum or not...if she had been violent, she would have had the cops called on her and been shown the door as well. When she started using drugs, I saw cigarettes in her purse. Well, I am not about to help my daughter get the various diseases one gets for smoking and I don't allow smoking in my house by anyone. So I would constantly throw out her cigarettes. I had no idea why it worked, but it did. When she quit drugs, she also quit cigarettes. Now she's as bad an anti-cigaratte advocate as I am. Her house is smoke free, like mine. Again, all of us do what we have to do to survive. In my case, I could not have survived with my nerves intact if I had had to worry I'd get assaulted because I said or did the wrong thing. I simply am not the kind of person who can handle that, nor did I like my grown son running the show at home. Nobody enjoyed his threatening presence in the house. Again I am talking only about myself, not you, so you get where I'm coming from. Under no circumstances can an entire family move into our house for a year, especially if the cause of it is illegal behavior. I'd probably agree to take the grands, but not the adults. I have been in therapy since age 23. I have a serious mood disorder. I learned a lot of things some people don't hear or learn or just won't listen to, but one thing I take very seriously is being good to myself and setting strong boundaries. Yes, it took me a while, even with therapy, to do it, but I'm glad I got it. My life is peaceful now. It has been for years. I don't fear a lack of peace under my own roof, the police dropping by, or any sort of drama, really. Your oldest son is a walking time bomb. He is likely not going to stay clean and wasn't he smoking pot in your back yard a while ago and aren't you paying for his toys and everything else? Are you wealthy enough to do this? I'm not telling you not to do it, I just know I couldn't do that if I wanted to. Hubby and I don't make enough to support anyone else's family. You don't have to answer here either. It's just something to ask yourself. If you end up broke, will your sons help you out? More just for your mind, not to answer here. This is what worked for me so I'm sharing it. Peace :) Try to do something nice for yoruself today!!!! You matter. It's not just about your kids...you have a valuable, precious life too and it will be a life that is exactly how you want it to be. We take our own life trips. [/QUOTE]
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