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So now driving has opened up a new set of difficult child adventures
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<blockquote data-quote="HeadlightsMom" data-source="post: 637588" data-attributes="member: 18284"><p>Origami -- My heart is with you. It is VERY hard to be "on our toes" and say a BIG CLEAR "NO" to our difficult child's (particularly when they know just how to manipulate/trick/coerce us into a muddy, unintentional "Yes"). I'm betting most of us here in this forum have been sucked into our difficult child's "Drama Tornado" (that's what I like to call it). It sucks!</p><p></p><p>That's why we've pretty much all come to a place where we must be firm in our "NO". Sometimes I think the best way to say, "NO" is to just say that one word -- "NO". Any other words attached (like reasons why) just give them ammo to work with. I like plain old "NO". Big, clear, concise...."NO".</p><p></p><p>And it's so hard to be on our toes with that firmness and consistency! Shoot, this morning my difficult child asked me to cross a boundary I had set (not a big one, but, still.......a boundary is a boundary is a BOUNDARY). Pardon the CAPS, I just kinda like that to "bold up my own boundaries" sometimes! <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite8" alt=":D" title="Big Grin :D" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":D" /> I just replied, "NO". End of conversation. Over our difficult child raising years, our difficult child would push and push and push that limit. If I had to, I would leave our house (like -- walk or drive away) if difficult child wouldn't let it go. Eventually, he did. Very tired me!</p><p></p><p>But, after being tired enough and stressed enough and wacko enough for long enough, I just got to the place where I said, "NO" and meant it. After some time of my meaning it (and demonstrating this forcefully....even via 911 calls), difficult child quit pressing so hard. Now if he presses just a little like he did this morning, I just say, "NO".</p><p></p><p>Origami --- I say this with all my heart. BOUNDARIES SAVED MY LIFE! And, I suspect, they are the best chance for our difficult child's to get their lives together, too. The world is full of boundaries. That's life. That's survival. Even the animal kingdom draws territorial boundaries for their survival.</p><p></p><p>When you hear us being passionate about it with you here...........it's because we've ALL been there (we ain't no saints, trust me! LOL!) and we care about you and your difficult child. Most people "get" nuances of boundaries. difficult child's do not......or choose not.</p><p></p><p>Crystal clear boundaries save lives. And your life matters, Origami! You are entitled to health and happiness all your own, independently of any other single person on this planet.....including your kids.</p><p></p><p>You can do this, Origami! We support you, we're all rooting for you, and we welcome you! You're smart, caring and candid. You CAN do this! <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="HeadlightsMom, post: 637588, member: 18284"] Origami -- My heart is with you. It is VERY hard to be "on our toes" and say a BIG CLEAR "NO" to our difficult child's (particularly when they know just how to manipulate/trick/coerce us into a muddy, unintentional "Yes"). I'm betting most of us here in this forum have been sucked into our difficult child's "Drama Tornado" (that's what I like to call it). It sucks! That's why we've pretty much all come to a place where we must be firm in our "NO". Sometimes I think the best way to say, "NO" is to just say that one word -- "NO". Any other words attached (like reasons why) just give them ammo to work with. I like plain old "NO". Big, clear, concise...."NO". And it's so hard to be on our toes with that firmness and consistency! Shoot, this morning my difficult child asked me to cross a boundary I had set (not a big one, but, still.......a boundary is a boundary is a BOUNDARY). Pardon the CAPS, I just kinda like that to "bold up my own boundaries" sometimes! :D I just replied, "NO". End of conversation. Over our difficult child raising years, our difficult child would push and push and push that limit. If I had to, I would leave our house (like -- walk or drive away) if difficult child wouldn't let it go. Eventually, he did. Very tired me! But, after being tired enough and stressed enough and wacko enough for long enough, I just got to the place where I said, "NO" and meant it. After some time of my meaning it (and demonstrating this forcefully....even via 911 calls), difficult child quit pressing so hard. Now if he presses just a little like he did this morning, I just say, "NO". Origami --- I say this with all my heart. BOUNDARIES SAVED MY LIFE! And, I suspect, they are the best chance for our difficult child's to get their lives together, too. The world is full of boundaries. That's life. That's survival. Even the animal kingdom draws territorial boundaries for their survival. When you hear us being passionate about it with you here...........it's because we've ALL been there (we ain't no saints, trust me! LOL!) and we care about you and your difficult child. Most people "get" nuances of boundaries. difficult child's do not......or choose not. Crystal clear boundaries save lives. And your life matters, Origami! You are entitled to health and happiness all your own, independently of any other single person on this planet.....including your kids. You can do this, Origami! We support you, we're all rooting for you, and we welcome you! You're smart, caring and candid. You CAN do this! :) [/QUOTE]
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