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So now the truth comes out ... ex-girlfriend is pregnant!
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<blockquote data-quote="tishthedish" data-source="post: 651100" data-attributes="member: 17103"><p>Terry, what a difficult time for your family. I can identify because my G F G2 and the girl he was dating for 6 weeks got pregnant. She was vacillating about abortion and I thing he influenced her not to do this. He didn't want it on his conscience. She went ahead with the pregnancy and my grandson was born. They were both drug users. Baby mama used while pregnant. (I found this out 3.5 years after GS was born.) They were both ill equipped emotionally and financially to deal with a child. As they were both 20 and in love they decided to make a go of it . Here's the thing...GS is a special needs child. He has neurological and genetic deficiencies and is not an easy child to raise. He's had surgeries, is in early intervention, has been thrown out of every day care in the county for acting out/running away and requires a one on one aide in any school/care setting. My son has straightened out (for the last several months) has full custody and is taking care of him 24/7. Baby mama is in and out of the picture, living with another guy and using drugs on and off. Son has low paying job and is dependent on government help for daycare costs and food stamps. Our state may be cutting those services and he will be in true trouble if they do.</p><p></p><p>Here's my point. I love my grandson and consider him a blessing, but if I had known he would be neglected as a baby when he needed the best possible parenting to live up to his full potential I would have really pushed for adoption. HARD. There was no amount of babysitting or intervening or monetary support my husband and I could offer that would have righted this situation. It is still difficult, DCFS is involved and monitoring our son's care of the little one. None of that is envisioned when the pregnancy starts.</p><p></p><p>I think with these kids that the biggest barrier to considering adoption is the stigma they experience from their family and friends. (How could you give away your sweet, precious baby?) When you meet as families, or when you speak to her mother, could you explore the possibility of her living with a relative during her pregnancy? Would she or your son see a counselor before making any permanent decisions? Or an adoption attorney? My nephew and his wife are adopting a child. They had to provide a full biography of themselves, grandparents, home environment etc. complete with pictures. Maybe if they know they will still have a measure of control it will influence them in the right direction. Her mom doesn't sound up to raising the child. I would be as frank as possible about that and please begin to determine what you and your husband's role will be.</p><p></p><p>Here's another thing I'd do differently. We said we'd help as much as possible and we did. We were taken for the ride of our life. Used, disrespected, dismissed, but still spent more time with the child than the parents did. I was SPENT. I am still recovering from denying my own needs while raising my difficult child sons <em>then</em> taking on the motherless baby mama <em>then</em> caring for my grandson. It almost ruined me. I am in recovery. I hit bottom hard. Once I said, "no more", it became evident that they were out of their league. We gave them a safety net and it was to everyone's detriment. We kept thinking, oh, they'll grow into this. They'll get the hang of it. No. Not difficult child kids. They don't. So the state is involved and we have made it clear that we are not able to raise our GS. We had custody of him last summer and at our age it was a real hardship. Let them know that if things don't work out this baby won't be at mom and dad's for them to stop by and see anytime they please. Tell them the next stop would be foster care. Speak frankly and calmly. This will add weight to your words.If they say they already love the child, tell them that love is a VERB. Are they ready to give up everything to raise this child? Since they don't have much how would that even be possible. </p><p></p><p>Please form a united front with your husband and don't give away your lives because of someone else's poor choices. My heart breaks for your family. But if she goes through with keeping the child, most of all my heart breaks for him/her.</p><p></p><p>Hugs and prayers coming your way. Read my older posts to see how ridiculously harrowing things got. My difficult child 2 is 26 now. My GS is 4. Things are better, but it's a tenuous peace. This is an ongoing, lifelong situation as my GS will never be able to live on his own. They need to consider all possibilities. </p><p></p><p>Now, after suggesting a million things to do, my disclaimer is you have to do what is right for your family.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="tishthedish, post: 651100, member: 17103"] Terry, what a difficult time for your family. I can identify because my G F G2 and the girl he was dating for 6 weeks got pregnant. She was vacillating about abortion and I thing he influenced her not to do this. He didn't want it on his conscience. She went ahead with the pregnancy and my grandson was born. They were both drug users. Baby mama used while pregnant. (I found this out 3.5 years after GS was born.) They were both ill equipped emotionally and financially to deal with a child. As they were both 20 and in love they decided to make a go of it . Here's the thing...GS is a special needs child. He has neurological and genetic deficiencies and is not an easy child to raise. He's had surgeries, is in early intervention, has been thrown out of every day care in the county for acting out/running away and requires a one on one aide in any school/care setting. My son has straightened out (for the last several months) has full custody and is taking care of him 24/7. Baby mama is in and out of the picture, living with another guy and using drugs on and off. Son has low paying job and is dependent on government help for daycare costs and food stamps. Our state may be cutting those services and he will be in true trouble if they do. Here's my point. I love my grandson and consider him a blessing, but if I had known he would be neglected as a baby when he needed the best possible parenting to live up to his full potential I would have really pushed for adoption. HARD. There was no amount of babysitting or intervening or monetary support my husband and I could offer that would have righted this situation. It is still difficult, DCFS is involved and monitoring our son's care of the little one. None of that is envisioned when the pregnancy starts. I think with these kids that the biggest barrier to considering adoption is the stigma they experience from their family and friends. (How could you give away your sweet, precious baby?) When you meet as families, or when you speak to her mother, could you explore the possibility of her living with a relative during her pregnancy? Would she or your son see a counselor before making any permanent decisions? Or an adoption attorney? My nephew and his wife are adopting a child. They had to provide a full biography of themselves, grandparents, home environment etc. complete with pictures. Maybe if they know they will still have a measure of control it will influence them in the right direction. Her mom doesn't sound up to raising the child. I would be as frank as possible about that and please begin to determine what you and your husband's role will be. Here's another thing I'd do differently. We said we'd help as much as possible and we did. We were taken for the ride of our life. Used, disrespected, dismissed, but still spent more time with the child than the parents did. I was SPENT. I am still recovering from denying my own needs while raising my difficult child sons [I]then[/I] taking on the motherless baby mama [I]then[/I] caring for my grandson. It almost ruined me. I am in recovery. I hit bottom hard. Once I said, "no more", it became evident that they were out of their league. We gave them a safety net and it was to everyone's detriment. We kept thinking, oh, they'll grow into this. They'll get the hang of it. No. Not difficult child kids. They don't. So the state is involved and we have made it clear that we are not able to raise our GS. We had custody of him last summer and at our age it was a real hardship. Let them know that if things don't work out this baby won't be at mom and dad's for them to stop by and see anytime they please. Tell them the next stop would be foster care. Speak frankly and calmly. This will add weight to your words.If they say they already love the child, tell them that love is a VERB. Are they ready to give up everything to raise this child? Since they don't have much how would that even be possible. Please form a united front with your husband and don't give away your lives because of someone else's poor choices. My heart breaks for your family. But if she goes through with keeping the child, most of all my heart breaks for him/her. Hugs and prayers coming your way. Read my older posts to see how ridiculously harrowing things got. My difficult child 2 is 26 now. My GS is 4. Things are better, but it's a tenuous peace. This is an ongoing, lifelong situation as my GS will never be able to live on his own. They need to consider all possibilities. Now, after suggesting a million things to do, my disclaimer is you have to do what is right for your family. [/QUOTE]
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