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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 611309" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Welcome Persephone, I'm glad you found us, but I'm very sorry you are going through this with your son. </p><p></p><p>You may want to read the article on detachment at the bottom of my post. It's helpful.</p><p></p><p>Unfortunately, once our kids are 18 and refusing to change or make any good choices, there is really little we can do but begin to detach from their choices. It's tough to do, but as you've already seen, it doesn't get any better until THEY decide to change. Nothing we do makes any difference.</p><p></p><p>You can "steer" him towards the local shelters in your area, however, keep in mind that many of our kids can't adhere to the rules presented at shelters either. Some parents get their kids a room in one of those cheap hotels, it you are willing to help him for a little while. It doesn't sound promising, he sounds completely unmotivated which means he will do NOTHING to help himself and rely on you or whomever to help him. Our difficult child's are very resourceful and usually quite manipulative so they usually land on their feet or couch surf. Keep in mind that you do not have to steer him anywhere, he is where he is because of the choices HE made, you do not have to step in and fix it for him. That is a choice you make, it is not a responsibility, a duty or an obligation and it is often difficult for us parents to discern the difference between enabling and loving kindness. </p><p></p><p>I'm glad you've recognized that he can't live with you, that is generally a disaster for us.</p><p></p><p>My advice is always to seek out professional help for yourself, however that looks to you, therapy, 12 step groups, NAMI, (National Alliance on Mental Illness---they have excellent support and resources for parents and can be accessed online) parent groups, whatever you can find to comfort you and give you the tools you'll need to begin to let go of trying to fix, control, help, enable, rescue......any of it..........none of it is helpful to him or in any way healthy for you. Keep posting, it helps. I wish you peace.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 611309, member: 13542"] Welcome Persephone, I'm glad you found us, but I'm very sorry you are going through this with your son. You may want to read the article on detachment at the bottom of my post. It's helpful. Unfortunately, once our kids are 18 and refusing to change or make any good choices, there is really little we can do but begin to detach from their choices. It's tough to do, but as you've already seen, it doesn't get any better until THEY decide to change. Nothing we do makes any difference. You can "steer" him towards the local shelters in your area, however, keep in mind that many of our kids can't adhere to the rules presented at shelters either. Some parents get their kids a room in one of those cheap hotels, it you are willing to help him for a little while. It doesn't sound promising, he sounds completely unmotivated which means he will do NOTHING to help himself and rely on you or whomever to help him. Our difficult child's are very resourceful and usually quite manipulative so they usually land on their feet or couch surf. Keep in mind that you do not have to steer him anywhere, he is where he is because of the choices HE made, you do not have to step in and fix it for him. That is a choice you make, it is not a responsibility, a duty or an obligation and it is often difficult for us parents to discern the difference between enabling and loving kindness. I'm glad you've recognized that he can't live with you, that is generally a disaster for us. My advice is always to seek out professional help for yourself, however that looks to you, therapy, 12 step groups, NAMI, (National Alliance on Mental Illness---they have excellent support and resources for parents and can be accessed online) parent groups, whatever you can find to comfort you and give you the tools you'll need to begin to let go of trying to fix, control, help, enable, rescue......any of it..........none of it is helpful to him or in any way healthy for you. Keep posting, it helps. I wish you peace. [/QUOTE]
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