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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 611358" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Dear Persephone -</p><p></p><p>Welcome oh Queen of the Underworld. (awl hail) lol ---Looks out the window at the Fall Scenery....Well I see your Mother is sad again and you are obviously back in your "Southern Home" -Hows Hades?? Too Hot to handle? hahaha (looks behind her as she types something fell ....not so funny now is it?) </p><p>So ....You kicked old Dionysos out of the crib huh? (I went with that given the terrible fate we all know that went with Zags....figured you'd rather name your kid Dio than Zag anyway. Soooooo....now you're trying to figure out what happens to him....what HAPPENS to HIM?</p><p></p><p>How about WHAT happens to MOM??? Because from where I'm sitting, and given your name? Whether it's fitting or not? Lady you need a break. He's 18. Do you see the people that he CONSIDERED his BEST friends going....oh wow....we're so worried where you go from here. GOSH let us get you some resources, let us fix you a to-go bag. Nah. It's not even a thought. They're all like.....DUDE HERE is where we are with this. WE get up, we go to work, we keep our mouths shut even when it gets bad and we want to lash out and we get a check and we pay our bills and we buy groceries and we .....survive. HARD lesson. Mommy doesn't take care of US anymore. And here's a harder lesson.....If you steal? If you take things because you don't work? You go to jail. Yeah. That is life. Welcome to it in a big way. SLAP</p><p></p><p></p><p>Sometimes the world will wake our kids up in a way that we couldn't reach them. NOT in a way that WE wanted it to, but in a way that shakes them sometimes like a rag doll and says.....YOU do this - you get THAT. YOU don't do this - you don't get to eat, or sleep, or take a shower, or have clean clothes. And that basically stinks. Reality bites. In the mean time....When it's 20 degrees outside? And you have to find a bathroom to sleep in or a hallway - or find out where all the homeless people are hanging tonight via a set of secret codes, or stickers, or sleep in your truck. THEN and only then will they appreciate the .62 box of Walmart Maccaroni vs the WHY do you ALWAYS get the cheap stuff why can't we have KRAFT macaroni? Or Getting the Duplex Creams from the Dollar Store cookies for 1.00 vs the $3.49 bag of Oreos -so that you could have cookies instead of nothing----and they get mad at you and make you feel guilty for not being a "BETTER MOM" ....</p><p>A better Mom-----paid the bills as best she could without child support....a better Mom, paid the electric and went without razors and name brand deodorant, and perfume and bought her socks from the bin at the Goodwill and her shoes most days too.....a "better mom" found out how to do oil changes on her car, and change spark plugs and plugs and wires and patch her own tires.........so her kid could have new shoes. and extra dollar for the soda machine like all the other kids at school. A better mom ---said with a lump in her throat and fought back tears....."take him" to the state....when no one else could handle his outbursts or his rages and he destroyed school property. She studied on line and found this site for her sanity...and she still tries...and hides tears....and fights back emotions in court...when the judge said .....no probation...prison. And she helps her friend.....and she stays strong, stronger and strongest when it comes to her kid (always a kid) when he had no place to go, no place to live....and said ----I'm sorry you can't come here. I guess you're going to prison. .........Because it's what we do---because these were THEIR choices. Not ours. And in the mean time we take care of OURSELVES. </p><p></p><p>Somedays Persephone....I feel like my 47 year old teddy. His arm is near to falling off, his eyes are those old orange buttons from the 60's, scratched and one of them I just keep pushing back in the hole when I hold him and hug him....for strength...because it falls out. His ears are tattered, and in spots he's bald. (like me) and if that bear could talk? Wow....haha. I'd be in so much trouble. But you do what you have to do to make sure your kid knows...NO BACKSIES. YOU LEFT, YOU ARE GROWN...YOU MADE YOUR CHOICES....and NOT until you show yourself that you are making (any, some) change in your life on your own.....can I even begin to be there. Support sure....but help?? WHAT HELP? Not when you can't help yourself. No sir. </p><p></p><p>Give yourself permission to allow him the opportunity to grow up. You've laid all the ground work....your work is done. He's just never used ANY of the tools you gave him. Tell him now's the time to see what he can do on his own. And in case you think we all (ALL) haven't considered the morbid reality of.....COULD he die out there without me? Yes he could. So there now that's said and out of the way. I cut my son loose and my x tried to kill him. he tried to commit suicide a few times and I'm sure there are other things I will hear about later in my old age that will surely stop my heart. But I didn't cause ANY of those things. THEY WERE HIS CHOICE. I know one thing. If I had kept him at home...He would have NEVER ......EVER gotten the chance to change. Things would have never ever been any different. That would have been a greater sadness than dying in my opinion. And I think I know something about that because I take calls EVERY day at a 911 center....with Mothers and Sons .....Mothers in their 60's sons in their 40's .....and the things that are said in the room about grown men treating their moms like you hear in your headset and over the dispatch....is absurd. But then again....the mothers who refuse to put them out and keep taking them back? ....Makes you think. There but for the Grace of The Conduct Disorder Board...........and it's many members, and wisdom and my umpteen years of counseling......and my desire to not look like I'm 50....at 49. </p><p></p><p>Don't be stone stupid -----but do be a rock. </p><p>Much love to you....and courage</p><p>Hugs & Love</p><p></p><p></p><p>Starbie - Still trying to figure out Why Zeus hasn't been replaced by a Goddess. </p><p></p><p>b</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 611358, member: 4964"] Dear Persephone - Welcome oh Queen of the Underworld. (awl hail) lol ---Looks out the window at the Fall Scenery....Well I see your Mother is sad again and you are obviously back in your "Southern Home" -Hows Hades?? Too Hot to handle? hahaha (looks behind her as she types something fell ....not so funny now is it?) So ....You kicked old Dionysos out of the crib huh? (I went with that given the terrible fate we all know that went with Zags....figured you'd rather name your kid Dio than Zag anyway. Soooooo....now you're trying to figure out what happens to him....what HAPPENS to HIM? How about WHAT happens to MOM??? Because from where I'm sitting, and given your name? Whether it's fitting or not? Lady you need a break. He's 18. Do you see the people that he CONSIDERED his BEST friends going....oh wow....we're so worried where you go from here. GOSH let us get you some resources, let us fix you a to-go bag. Nah. It's not even a thought. They're all like.....DUDE HERE is where we are with this. WE get up, we go to work, we keep our mouths shut even when it gets bad and we want to lash out and we get a check and we pay our bills and we buy groceries and we .....survive. HARD lesson. Mommy doesn't take care of US anymore. And here's a harder lesson.....If you steal? If you take things because you don't work? You go to jail. Yeah. That is life. Welcome to it in a big way. SLAP Sometimes the world will wake our kids up in a way that we couldn't reach them. NOT in a way that WE wanted it to, but in a way that shakes them sometimes like a rag doll and says.....YOU do this - you get THAT. YOU don't do this - you don't get to eat, or sleep, or take a shower, or have clean clothes. And that basically stinks. Reality bites. In the mean time....When it's 20 degrees outside? And you have to find a bathroom to sleep in or a hallway - or find out where all the homeless people are hanging tonight via a set of secret codes, or stickers, or sleep in your truck. THEN and only then will they appreciate the .62 box of Walmart Maccaroni vs the WHY do you ALWAYS get the cheap stuff why can't we have KRAFT macaroni? Or Getting the Duplex Creams from the Dollar Store cookies for 1.00 vs the $3.49 bag of Oreos -so that you could have cookies instead of nothing----and they get mad at you and make you feel guilty for not being a "BETTER MOM" .... A better Mom-----paid the bills as best she could without child support....a better Mom, paid the electric and went without razors and name brand deodorant, and perfume and bought her socks from the bin at the Goodwill and her shoes most days too.....a "better mom" found out how to do oil changes on her car, and change spark plugs and plugs and wires and patch her own tires.........so her kid could have new shoes. and extra dollar for the soda machine like all the other kids at school. A better mom ---said with a lump in her throat and fought back tears....."take him" to the state....when no one else could handle his outbursts or his rages and he destroyed school property. She studied on line and found this site for her sanity...and she still tries...and hides tears....and fights back emotions in court...when the judge said .....no probation...prison. And she helps her friend.....and she stays strong, stronger and strongest when it comes to her kid (always a kid) when he had no place to go, no place to live....and said ----I'm sorry you can't come here. I guess you're going to prison. .........Because it's what we do---because these were THEIR choices. Not ours. And in the mean time we take care of OURSELVES. Somedays Persephone....I feel like my 47 year old teddy. His arm is near to falling off, his eyes are those old orange buttons from the 60's, scratched and one of them I just keep pushing back in the hole when I hold him and hug him....for strength...because it falls out. His ears are tattered, and in spots he's bald. (like me) and if that bear could talk? Wow....haha. I'd be in so much trouble. But you do what you have to do to make sure your kid knows...NO BACKSIES. YOU LEFT, YOU ARE GROWN...YOU MADE YOUR CHOICES....and NOT until you show yourself that you are making (any, some) change in your life on your own.....can I even begin to be there. Support sure....but help?? WHAT HELP? Not when you can't help yourself. No sir. Give yourself permission to allow him the opportunity to grow up. You've laid all the ground work....your work is done. He's just never used ANY of the tools you gave him. Tell him now's the time to see what he can do on his own. And in case you think we all (ALL) haven't considered the morbid reality of.....COULD he die out there without me? Yes he could. So there now that's said and out of the way. I cut my son loose and my x tried to kill him. he tried to commit suicide a few times and I'm sure there are other things I will hear about later in my old age that will surely stop my heart. But I didn't cause ANY of those things. THEY WERE HIS CHOICE. I know one thing. If I had kept him at home...He would have NEVER ......EVER gotten the chance to change. Things would have never ever been any different. That would have been a greater sadness than dying in my opinion. And I think I know something about that because I take calls EVERY day at a 911 center....with Mothers and Sons .....Mothers in their 60's sons in their 40's .....and the things that are said in the room about grown men treating their moms like you hear in your headset and over the dispatch....is absurd. But then again....the mothers who refuse to put them out and keep taking them back? ....Makes you think. There but for the Grace of The Conduct Disorder Board...........and it's many members, and wisdom and my umpteen years of counseling......and my desire to not look like I'm 50....at 49. Don't be stone stupid -----but do be a rock. Much love to you....and courage Hugs & Love Starbie - Still trying to figure out Why Zeus hasn't been replaced by a Goddess. b [/QUOTE]
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