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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 191327" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Dara, I'm glad you have a diagnosis confirmed for him. </p><p></p><p>Remember, he IS only 3. When I think back to when difficult child 3 was only 3, I remember how worried I was and how it seemed he would never interact with anybody, never learn to talk properly, never learn to play. A year later we were told he was "borderline" (meaning "retarded") and that he would never be able to go to a normal school or achieve anything much; we were not to have any expectations, they told us. </p><p></p><p>How wrong they were! There can be so much you can do. You've already begun speech therapy - in so many ways, you're ahead of where we were, when difficult child 3 was 3.</p><p></p><p>I understand your concerns about going places - difficult child 3 used to run on ahead, whoever was taking him out anywhere. He wouldn't stop, he wouldn't come when he was called (because he didn't understand, he didn't recognise his own name, even) and you had to either run after him (which I couldn't) or just hope and pray he'd turn round and come back (which he mostly did). I bought a harness for him from a friend who makes them. It would be easy to modify something (if you could persuade him to wear one). What I bought - it was made form nylon webbing (like narrow seat-belt straps). It was a basic five-point harness, with a waist belt and two straps over the shoulders, plus another two loops which went from the waist belt round between his legs then back up to the other side of the waist belt. There was a short length of webbing attached to the back of the waist belt which at the end had a stainless steel D loop to which we fastened a long nylon leash. The idea was, you leave the harness on the child all the time, but depending on where you are and what you're doing, you can unclip the leash. If you put the child in a high chair, for example, you unclip the leash and then clip the child onto more webbing that is fastened onto the high chair; this is to stop them climbing out of the high chair. Similarly, in the stroller - another bit of nylon webbing that clips the same harness into place in the stroller. It saves having to keep taking the harness on and off.</p><p></p><p>Another way of restraining difficult child 3 we used - it was a wrist strap that fastened on with velcro and then folded back through another loop and then more velcro (he couldn't remove it, not with only one hand). The other end of the wrist strap went via a brightly coloured plastic coil to another wrist strap which velcro'd onto MY wrist. That way I could show difficult child 3 that I had to wear MY wrist strap too. It wasn't him tethered to me, we were tethered to each other. This equality matters a lot to Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) kids.</p><p></p><p>Yet another method - a velcro wrist band which had no leash or anything, but did have difficult child 3's name and my mobile phone number written on it. That way if he wandered away someone could still track us down. We also used to stick an adhesive label on him (on his BACK so he wouldn't peel it off) which had his name, diagnosis and my mobile phone number. This came in VERY handy, especially in crowds.</p><p></p><p>It's not that Sammy isn't listening to you; it's probably a combination of him not understanding the significance of what you say, plus the major distraction factor.</p><p></p><p>Does he watch TV? Movies? Read anything? If he watches DVDs, does he watch them over and over? If so, let him. He's actually practising. We found that over time difficult child 3 began to actually use a lot of stuff he got from this sort of thing. It wasn't what we expected.</p><p>difficult child 3's best friend (another autistic) used to do the same thing - his father said, "He's just empty, there's nothing going on in that head. He just watches a fragment ten rewinds it to watch it over, and over, and over. It just doesn't make sense. But if I try to take the remote from him, he screams."</p><p></p><p>What both boys were doing (each at his own time) was using DVDs to try to learn the sound of the words, the look of the words (when using subtitles) and the action on the screen associated with the words. The story line - it was totally irrelevant.</p><p></p><p>Sammy has other things going on as well, but from my own experience plus observation of other Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) kids, you have to ignore their age when it comes to the usual milestones. You have to throw away your expectations. However, this goes both ways. If there is something he really likes or is interested in, let him have access to whatever he wants of it. For example, if your child is interested in numbers, then buy magnetic numbers to put on the freezer, buy blocks with numbers on them, put up a wall chart with numbers, stick up addition tables and multiplication tables, get some tapes of people counting and saying their tables. Play number games with him. Even if he's not talking - if it makes him happy then let him do it. Find ays to use what he is interested in, to extend him and try to link in with other areas. For example, if he likes trains, then a book about trains can help him with reading or learning associated skills. Some research has been done on this - if your child has savant skills, use the gifted area to hook him in to the things that are more challenging for him. We used difficult child 3's obsession with letters to teach him to read sheet music. As a result he was sight-reading music even before he was talking.</p><p></p><p>I suspect Sammy has more potential than you believe right now. If you are feeling pessimistic, that is a good thing - it means there is only one direction to go from here, and that is up.</p><p></p><p>A lot of how he goes now, depends on him and his determination - and on you, and your ability to think outside the square and to keep him stimulated and challenged. But only challenge him as far as he can handle at the moment. Take your time and make games of it all, as much as you can. Play with him. And remember, all play is also learning. He will know what he needs - what he gravitates to and chooses, is likely to be what he needs. Try to see what he could be getting out of it.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 191327, member: 1991"] Dara, I'm glad you have a diagnosis confirmed for him. Remember, he IS only 3. When I think back to when difficult child 3 was only 3, I remember how worried I was and how it seemed he would never interact with anybody, never learn to talk properly, never learn to play. A year later we were told he was "borderline" (meaning "retarded") and that he would never be able to go to a normal school or achieve anything much; we were not to have any expectations, they told us. How wrong they were! There can be so much you can do. You've already begun speech therapy - in so many ways, you're ahead of where we were, when difficult child 3 was 3. I understand your concerns about going places - difficult child 3 used to run on ahead, whoever was taking him out anywhere. He wouldn't stop, he wouldn't come when he was called (because he didn't understand, he didn't recognise his own name, even) and you had to either run after him (which I couldn't) or just hope and pray he'd turn round and come back (which he mostly did). I bought a harness for him from a friend who makes them. It would be easy to modify something (if you could persuade him to wear one). What I bought - it was made form nylon webbing (like narrow seat-belt straps). It was a basic five-point harness, with a waist belt and two straps over the shoulders, plus another two loops which went from the waist belt round between his legs then back up to the other side of the waist belt. There was a short length of webbing attached to the back of the waist belt which at the end had a stainless steel D loop to which we fastened a long nylon leash. The idea was, you leave the harness on the child all the time, but depending on where you are and what you're doing, you can unclip the leash. If you put the child in a high chair, for example, you unclip the leash and then clip the child onto more webbing that is fastened onto the high chair; this is to stop them climbing out of the high chair. Similarly, in the stroller - another bit of nylon webbing that clips the same harness into place in the stroller. It saves having to keep taking the harness on and off. Another way of restraining difficult child 3 we used - it was a wrist strap that fastened on with velcro and then folded back through another loop and then more velcro (he couldn't remove it, not with only one hand). The other end of the wrist strap went via a brightly coloured plastic coil to another wrist strap which velcro'd onto MY wrist. That way I could show difficult child 3 that I had to wear MY wrist strap too. It wasn't him tethered to me, we were tethered to each other. This equality matters a lot to Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) kids. Yet another method - a velcro wrist band which had no leash or anything, but did have difficult child 3's name and my mobile phone number written on it. That way if he wandered away someone could still track us down. We also used to stick an adhesive label on him (on his BACK so he wouldn't peel it off) which had his name, diagnosis and my mobile phone number. This came in VERY handy, especially in crowds. It's not that Sammy isn't listening to you; it's probably a combination of him not understanding the significance of what you say, plus the major distraction factor. Does he watch TV? Movies? Read anything? If he watches DVDs, does he watch them over and over? If so, let him. He's actually practising. We found that over time difficult child 3 began to actually use a lot of stuff he got from this sort of thing. It wasn't what we expected. difficult child 3's best friend (another autistic) used to do the same thing - his father said, "He's just empty, there's nothing going on in that head. He just watches a fragment ten rewinds it to watch it over, and over, and over. It just doesn't make sense. But if I try to take the remote from him, he screams." What both boys were doing (each at his own time) was using DVDs to try to learn the sound of the words, the look of the words (when using subtitles) and the action on the screen associated with the words. The story line - it was totally irrelevant. Sammy has other things going on as well, but from my own experience plus observation of other Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) kids, you have to ignore their age when it comes to the usual milestones. You have to throw away your expectations. However, this goes both ways. If there is something he really likes or is interested in, let him have access to whatever he wants of it. For example, if your child is interested in numbers, then buy magnetic numbers to put on the freezer, buy blocks with numbers on them, put up a wall chart with numbers, stick up addition tables and multiplication tables, get some tapes of people counting and saying their tables. Play number games with him. Even if he's not talking - if it makes him happy then let him do it. Find ays to use what he is interested in, to extend him and try to link in with other areas. For example, if he likes trains, then a book about trains can help him with reading or learning associated skills. Some research has been done on this - if your child has savant skills, use the gifted area to hook him in to the things that are more challenging for him. We used difficult child 3's obsession with letters to teach him to read sheet music. As a result he was sight-reading music even before he was talking. I suspect Sammy has more potential than you believe right now. If you are feeling pessimistic, that is a good thing - it means there is only one direction to go from here, and that is up. A lot of how he goes now, depends on him and his determination - and on you, and your ability to think outside the square and to keep him stimulated and challenged. But only challenge him as far as he can handle at the moment. Take your time and make games of it all, as much as you can. Play with him. And remember, all play is also learning. He will know what he needs - what he gravitates to and chooses, is likely to be what he needs. Try to see what he could be getting out of it. Marg [/QUOTE]
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