so sad, need hugs

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by antsmom, Mar 21, 2007.

  1. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    sitting here sobbing as I have been all night. stomach firing up too. last night, boyfriend told me he wants to take a break from seeing one another. we have been inseperable for three yrs.

    although one month ago we had the issue of him seeing a woman for coffee..he said it is not about another woman. he said while he loves me and I have been so good to him, he is not "in love" with me. sigh. he said he needs time alone to think it over and he is sure of this. he is pretty sure it will be permanent.

    he also said he doesnt want to have a family and be around kaleb and ant. he only wants ant to work for him and not see him other than that. so this means no ride to and from work as well. boyfriend's jobs are an hour from here. for next week only he will meet us half way and bring ant back to the half way point.
    (we have been staying at his house alone 4 dys a week and mine the other three, but it is an hour from mine and so ant sleeps where we do. boyfriend said the nail in the coffin was ant acting out last monday. )

    to top it off, my sis has her bipolar way out of whack again... and cannot babysit kaleb anymore. I do have a sitter lined up for next week only. I have to work and cannot take time off. kaleb's mother is still in texas.

    I offered to only be with boyfriend and not have him ever see kaleb and ant only for work, but he said he wants to be alone. I am so incredibly saddened. Please pray for strength and peace. I have no one to share with, and feel so very alone.
     
  2. Just keep swimming

    Just keep swimming New Member

    Oh hon,

    I am praying right this very minute. Please go talk to someone, church? therapist? us?

    I am so very sorry, I know how much SO means to you. You do not need this on top of everything else going on right now.

    Please know that you and Kaleb and Ant are in my thoughts and prayers.

    Hugs and love,
    Vickie
     
  3. house of cards

    house of cards New Member

    I am so sorry you are having to go through this. I am sending gentle hugs. prayers during this time of heart ache and prayers that another person will find his way into your life that will bring you so much joy. You are a wonderful person and have alot to offer to the right guy. Your boyfriend could also realize what a mistake he is making, you don't know, give it time and be good to yourself.
     
  4. Fran

    Fran Former Site Owner

    <span style='font-size: 11pt'>Ugh Janet. I'm sorry for you. It's so much worse when you are being left as opposed to being the one that is leaving. He has to do what is right for him but it doesn't make your wounds hurt any less. He has been a big part of your life for quite a while and the separation is going to be very difficult.

    Our kids are our kids but they do make our outside world more complicated.
    Sorry about sis. Hope she gets treated.

    Time to call mom home since she isn't working. Her son needs her. This is one of those times when you are the grandmother and the parents need to sort out child care. Don't fix this for them.

    Take care of yourself. </span>
     
  5. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Janet,

    so sorry for your pain over the situation with so. You have been together for a good while and it must be hard. I will send you prayers of strength.

    Sharon
     
  6. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    Janet---one big hug coming your way. It sounds like boyfriend has his own issues to deal with. Please don't let him believe his decision has anything to do with ant or kaleb---to place the blame on them is cowardice----they were part of your life when he met you----I'm sorry he has decided to be such a jerk. Know that out there is someone to share your life with who will stand up to his family , won't call and email other girls, and won't expect you get rid of your son and grandson! We will be here to lean on. It will take a while to get over this.
     
  7. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Janet

    Awwwwwww, hon! I'm so sorry. Sending many gentle hugs your way.

    I agree with Fran. It's time to call Mom home to take care of Kaleb.

    (((((hugs)))))
     
  8. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    kaleb's mom is in texas parts unknown with a guy. she will be back in a week or so. I have a niece lined up for next week and then his mom should be back.

    boyfriend said to give it time. I miss him already. sigh. I like to believe God has something better in mind and that is why he is shutting this door.

    Although ant and kaleb were around when I met boyfriend, neither was living under my roof. I told boyfriend I cannot have "no family". I told him they will always be a part of my life and he would be King. I want a life partner. sob
     
  9. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    I'm sure this is so hard for you. It really came at a bad time, with Ant acting this way. I can't imaging the pain you must be dealing with and the abyss of the unknown right now. I sure hope Ant steps up to the plate and becomes a man to help you out, now.
     
  10. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Janet, I am so sorry for your sadness. I am sending along all the cyber hugs I can. Please take care of youself. Try to find joy in everyday things to get you through this very difficult time. I will be thinking and praying for you my friend.
    ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))))-RM
     
  11. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    katmom I have to remember what you said so I can get mad instead of sad. thing is, his good stuff weigh outweighs the bad. he held my trembling hands and led claustrophobic me thru three jails to visit ant, two of them so locked down I coud not breathe and he held onto me. he has kissed kaleb and held him since he was two months old. he paid of 1200.00 in fines for ant to get him out of the county that held in. he trusted ant when he had no reason to and got ant to pay him back every cent.

    he drove me three hrs up and three hrs back to see kaleb and ant more times than I can remember. he has driven ant to and from work and paid him well for 6 months.

    he is the first man I ever slow danced with after a 32 yr marriage to my ex. he told me he wouldnt bite me, I was so afraid. we took ballroom dancing classes and country line dancing, visited three countries and too many states I forget. we lived in his boat in the summers and by the fire in the winters. we baked bread and made soup. the first time he ever visited me he brought and cooked dinner. I was so choked up I could not swallow. he ever so gently led me thru so much.

    he held me many a night as I worried over things, he stood up to my ex and ant when it was needed. he defended me, and made me remember how to laugh.

    I forget how to again.
     
  12. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    it is weird about ant. He knows what is up. he went outside and moved a big stack of wood I have been wanting moved, he pulled the bedroom door shut and told kaleb to be quiet while I rested.

    he has been very good since the day he apologized to me.

    I just do not know how to live today knowing boyfriend will not sleep beside me tonight.
     
  13. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Awww Janet.

    Things will get better.

    Ya know I have to wonder if something has happened and Ant saw something and that is why Ant is acting out and now that is why boyfriend doesnt want to be around Ant? Something smells fishy to me. I could just be suspicious but....

    Just take time to heal. Dont do anything for awhile. I would be willing to bet that Ant and Nick will close ranks around you and Kaleb will be good for your heart. Let them soothe you. You will rise again.

    Hugs.
     
  14. 'Chelle

    'Chelle Active Member

    I'm so sorry he's decided to go this way. There's nothing I can say to make it hurt less, only time. Just sending you many tight {{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}
     
  15. PonyGirl

    PonyGirl Warrior Parent

    Janet so sorry my friend. Gentle hugs to you. I tend to agree with the things the katmom and DammitJanet have said.

    In the end, these things do little to ease your pain.

    You were wise to say you believe God must have something else in store, that is why this door is shutting.

    You have been so strong, thru so much, I hate the idea that God thinks you're strong enough for the next journey he has set for you in life.

    I am sorry for your pain. I wish I could do more for you.

    Many prayers.

    Peace
     
  16. mum2JK&TH

    mum2JK&TH New Member

    Janet I am so sorry ((((HUGS)))) If you feel Ant is strong enough, you need to tell him that it's time for him to lend you his shoulder, you need mending now.
     
  17. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    I am so sorry for your suffering and pain and loss. You do need to believe in yourself right now, you will get through this, you will rise again, it is ok feel your pain remember the good and the bad and slowly let yourself heal... don't expect a miracle. You need time. Even if he does come back you need to grow from this and become stronger. You will. Right now you are filled with despair and hurt, it is OK to feel these things.
    SO was your world and he was so much to you and for you it will take time. If you need to scream let it out...cry, talk, post... whatever. You have a right to your feelings.

    I am sending you big comforting hugs.
     
  18. Loris

    Loris New Member

    I am so sorry. Take time to heal. I'm with Janet on this, I have to wonder if Ant acting out was a protection sort of thing. It is good that he understands your pain now and is trying to be considerate of your feelings. I know this will be hard for a while, so take care of yourself. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers.
     
  19. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Sending supportive thoughts your way. The pain our children cause in relationships is often insurmountable. There are times
    when my husband feels like he can't take any more of the stress that
    is on our shoulders. After thirty years of marriage and true
    devotion, of course, the road out of our marriage would not be
    logical. It is rare to find someone who is willing to accept chaos as halfway normal.

    You are stronger today than you were three years ago. Most of your needs were met by your SO and it is a great loss. BUT you
    can head into the next chapter of your life thankful that during
    the hardest times, God did send you a companion. DDD
     
  20. muttmeister

    muttmeister Well-Known Member

    Sending hugs your way. I know how hard it is to find somebody you really care about and then to lose them. Whatever the reason, it is hard to accept but you are strong and God has a plan and you will move on to something better.
    Good luck.
     
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