So Tired and Weary

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by whylane, Dec 15, 2007.

  1. whylane

    whylane New Member

    I was guided to this site by a friend...and am hoping to find some sort of ideas as to why I'm going through what I'm going through...
    I have a 4 year old who seems to have anxiety attacks, well I think they are anxiety attacks, when he walks into a room of people he seems to want to turn around and run off,even if he knows them, he won't play in the Mcdonalds play area or park due to other kids around .. he also seems to have other issues as well such as if someone touches anything food or drink wise he won't take it.. "Only cause someone touched it"
    In the house he'll yell "MOM" and waits for me to respond and than say's nothing "I love you" trying to be sweet and all, he's really checking to see if I'm still here,,
    when he gets angry over a "no" or he didn't get it he ends up throwing such a fit, screaming loud, crying loud, and when we threaten to take him to his room he freaks even more, it's like he was or is two all over again "only on his fits he throws".. it's super hard to explain... he started this about 4 months ago and prior to this he was the one who would play with kids in the play ground, stay the night at Grandmas, able to leave the house and say goodbye instead of "only if you go mom" .. he's getting somewhat better, but everytime I mention kids, school etc..he tells me he's not ready to talk about it.
    This little 4 year old is so smart that it's actually kind of scary.. he knows his way around town to a certain point, he writes his name, knows colors such as "Sky Blue" on crayola's his emotions is where we are having issues,along with anxiety... when he was born he was colicky, than became a high maitnence child and now this...
    any ideas or what I may be able to do, all the doctor is saying is counseling... I'm afraid if we did that, he's so smart that when he starts going to school, is he going to feel like a looser knowing he went to counseling.... ughhh this is hard, it's like my life is slowly being sucked away... my other 3 kids never had these kind of issues!
    Thanks so much
  2. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Hi and Welcome,

    Most of what you described can be typical 4 year old behaviors. As far as the thing about not wanting to go play with the other kids at McDonalds or running out of a room - have you asked him why? What does he say?

    I totally get the thing about no one touching the food. I don't think it's weird at all. It may have been something he's seen someone else his age do, and he thought "Yeah I don't want anyone touching my food." My sister still won't eat her stuff if it touches. - She's a genius, go figure.

    To compare him to the other 3 - not exactly fair. Each of us have our own little quirks and honestly after having only 1 and him be a major difficult child - I would thank GOD for 3 that behaved any other way! lol. Not hard to see why you are tired and weary, chasing after kids and being a full time Mom is tough! Someone should give you a congrats for making it this long! Congrats!

    If you think that there is something wrong or very very different about this fella - make an appointment with your sons doctor and discuss it with him, then ask for a recommendation or referral to a psychologist or psychiatrist.

    The reason that I'm NOT jumping on the band wagon of GET AN IMMEDIATE diagnosis is because all children learn differently. Each of us learn things differently. It may be with your son that he's just NOT understanding you and your requests. If you say "In our home we don't yell for Mommy you need to come look for me." and he doesn't understand that - then you need to try something else - and that's where a behavior specialist comes in. They train YOU and your son to communicate on a level you can both live with. It may be something simple or just rewording your requests that gets through to him so that he doesn't feel he has to throw a fit to get you to come to him.

    Personally - the last time my son threw a fit - I laid down on the department store floor and threw one myself - and I'm bigger, I'm louder and I'm more noticeable. It embarrassed him to death. He was 4 1/2 years old. He's 17 and while I can't make him listen to much else I say - I promise you having a fit in a public place when you are 28 years old - stops a child from ever doing it again. At least it did us. lol

    Good luck with your son. Don't think I'm brushing you off either. I'm just stating what I see from what you've wrote without a diagnosis from any doctor. And yes, believe me 3 other kids certainly qualifies you to know when something is wrong - I just don't want to jump to any conclusions. It could be allergies for all we know. Lots of bad junk in food these days -

    I certainly welcome you - I'm glad you were routed to us.

    Many Hugs - and you'll see lots of others will come along and give you different advice - take what you can out of it that helps you and go from there.

  3. happymomof2

    happymomof2 New Member

    Sorry your going through all this. Since he is only 4 maybe counseling would help. Not sure what you can say to him but try to put a positive spin on it?

    Don't have much advice. Just want you to know your not alone.
  4. whylane

    whylane New Member

    Thankyou.... it's hard to explain on a forum... I've never had issues before and I do understand each person is different, but wow, when will it be over with.. I've been doing this for 4 years... and my body feels like it's been 40 yrs...
    I feel for him since he's not a crowd person "I guess" I'm worried about school next year since he'll start kindergarten.
    he still wants warm milk in a sippie cup, is that normal for a 4 year old? not as often, but every once in a while.
  5. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Welcome! You have a very good friend if they showed you the way here.

    I do not understand. What started 4 months ago?
    Do you think something happened to him?

    I think you said he was difficult his whole 4 years, too. He was colicky. Did he have a lot of ear infections? Counseling can be helpful - sometimes moreso at this age due to their innocence.
  6. whylane

    whylane New Member

    this weird behavior that's what started ..yes he's always been difficult but now more so than ever...and the anxiety, the emotions , all started about 4 months ago..
    I'm not sure about anything happening to him, I do know that his nephew told him something about me and school, maybe something like "your mom will never come get you once your in school" or something to that factor,, it got so bad he wouldn't even go anywhere with Dad,. I'll never forget when my middle son, hub and lane got in the car, I kissed him goodbye and buckled him in.. he got this panic look in his eyes and said "your not going?" and as he asked that he unbuckled his belt and flew out of the car... he's NEVER done that...
    I'm going to call around Monday...wonder if the docs can evaluate him??
  7. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Ok, be calm, be calm. It sounds to me that he's absolutely different from the other 3. It also sounds too that your "MommySense" is tingling.

    Let me ask you a couple of questions:

    1. does he line up his toys?
    2. does he "fixate" on any one thing and speak about it with pure authority (trains, cars, certain characters or toys)?
    3. any problems. with "itchy" tags, food consistancies, etc. Looking for any "sensory" issues like loud noises.
    4. keep a steady eye contact?

    Try reading the Explosive Child by Ross Greene. It might give you a few pointers.

    Thanks and keep the faith -

  8. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Although this came on suddenly, I don't think it's normal four year old behavior. I do think something is wrong. I have a few questions for you.
    1/ How was his early development? Speech? Eye contact? Did he have good imaginative play and interact well with his peers? Does he now?
    2/ Has he ever had a neuropsychologist evaluation? It doesn't sound like it (I highly recommend it).
    3/ Is there any history of psychiatric, neurological problems or substance abuse on either side of the family tree?

    I think you're right to be concerned and I'm glad your friend guided you here. You may want to do a signature, like the one I have below. I think a neuropsychologist evaluation would help you and your son tons more than a therapist. Until you know what you're dealing with, counseling can be really ineffective. And therapists are not the best diagnosticians. Good luck!
  9. whylane

    whylane New Member

    Thank YOU!
    To answer some of the questions..

    He was ahead of everyone,,speach came early, eye contact is wonderful, he still had eye contact with me.

    Peers,,, ha, well he DID play with anyone and everyone... very friendly, he'll occasionally play with his other lil buddy who is four as well.. but as far as someone in the park, nope... won't do it now.

    Not sure what a NeuroPsch is... so doubt he's not had one done..

    No history of Psychiatric, neurological problems at all and no substance abuse what so ever. we dont' even smoke...

    He doesn't put his toys in order or line, in fact he's a messy kid.. however he likes spider man, all the heros and is fixated on having dad or I draw them, he than colors them and cuts them out, plays with them for hours..

    No food allergies, itchy tags, however I think maybe the anxiety might be related to loud noise, he doesn't like crowds to much, it really wigs him out... he gets ancy, however he's loud, so who knows... I'll go check out that book, something got to help, I'm really getting wiped out,, trying to figure this out is really waring !
  10. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    For clarification, good eye contact means he will meet the eyes of everyone, not just you. It's common for kids with certain disorders to be able to make good eye contact with their family, but be unable to do so to others. Anyways, I'd take him to a neuropsychologist. Sounds like you want to know what's wrong but are a little afraid and therefore are trying to guess yourself. That really isn't going to do any good. You can find NeuroPsychs at university and children's hospitals and they do extensive evaluations. I don't think anyone here can really tell you what's wrong other than something seems to be wrong. I can take guesses--maybe Aspergers comes to mind. He seems to have lots of sensory issues and anxiety problems, but they also just developed. Rather than guessing or waiting or messing with therapists, I'd go to the big gun and do the neuropsychologist examination. A neuropsychologist will give you the best idea of what the problem is and make suggestions on what to do next. The extreme precociousness and early speech and sensory issues AND anxiety reminds me of Aspergers, but you really need to have him evaluated ASAP because early interventions help our kids the most, no matter what's wrong. FYI, interacting with kids in a meaningful way means do they play together, converse together, share silly moments together--my son used to run around with any child who'd do that with him, but he didn't really PLAY play. He more played by himself next to somebody, which isn't the same thing as meaningful interaction. I hope you find out what the problem is soon. We can make suggestions, but really none of us know what's going on, so best to take him to an expert. I do not agree with "waiting." The earlier you get help, the better the kids tend to do. My son was a foster child first and he got help in infancy, and he's doing great. I owe that to his early interventions. Even if you can't get an early diagnosis (it took us forever to really know what was wrong with our son) he got help for his symptoms and it scares me to think of what he'd be like if he hadn't had such excellent proactive help. Early help won't hurt your child and could make a huge positive difference. I know my son, who is now fourteen, is grateful for the help and is very high functioning because of all the help he got, especially with school supports. But he did get evaluations early and often to track his development, since he was an "odd duck." Take care :smile:
  11. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    You mentioned a cousin telling him something that perhaps disturbed him and he now fears being away from you. How do you know this interaction took place? Did Lane tell you about it?

    The reason I suggest a therapist is due to the fact that some of this started suddenly. That does not mean there is not something going on with him that a neuropsychologist could diagnosis. Given his history of being difficult, I would go to a neuropsychologist, too.

    But, I think it it is super important to rule out an actual event of abuse, mental or physical. You did also say:
    That implies there is something to be learned. Something you need to know in order to help him.