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So tired of being hit and objects flying at me
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 105679" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Dara, the answer is so obvious - all you need to do, is read his mind and in return, telepathically insert the answer he's looking for. He's getting frustrated with you (and himself) because this just isn't happening!</p><p></p><p>Seriously, this is very close to the bone. We went through this with our younger two and especially with difficult child 3. The raging was quite spectacular at times, generally because we didn't instantly respond as he expected us to respond. Sometimes the first we knew that he wanted something, was when he threw a tantrum. He hadn't even asked for what he wanted! But then, he didn't have the language skills he should have had. Still, a non-verbal child can still 'ask' - grabbing you by the hand and dragging you to the kitchen sink generally means, "I want a drink of water".</p><p></p><p>He is very young, and extremely frustrated - with himself, as much as other people. And yes, young angry children throw things. By putting him in the crib to cool down, you are doing a very good thing.</p><p></p><p>I also am thinking Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) in some form, to some degree. It could turn out to be quite mild - if he is very bright but also very frustrated, the higher intelligence can increase the frustration because the child has an internal sense of, "I should be able to accomplish this - why can't I?"</p><p></p><p>This is perhaps the worst age in a Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) child's development (my opinion, based on observations of my own kids). Even the emotional tug of war in adolescence, bad as it can be, pales next to the extreme raging and frustrations of a toddler/pre-schooler.</p><p></p><p>You commented he rages when he doesn't get his own way; you can deal with this by giving him what he wants, as long as it's OK with you. You don't gain anything by being obstructive purely for its own sake, which is what a lot of parents do, without even thinking, because they need to maintain the pecking order. In Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) the child does not understand pecking order at all, they will give back to you the behaviour you model to them (but add in the raging, for good measure). All you can do is continue to try to model good behaviour and even in the face of raging, calmly say, "I'm not hitting you; why are you hurting me? That is unkind."</p><p></p><p>"Explosive Child" methods are good but he is VERY young. You may find SOME help, but until he can communicate his wants better, and until you can help him better understand YOUR needs with regards to him, there will be limited improvement.</p><p></p><p>Diet can help. I recall when easy child was a baby, she was a darling. Until she got one particular artificial colouring. She first got it in medicine prescribed for thrush. She turned from a precious angel to a raging monster. We took her off the medicine and after a couple of days it had washed out of hr system and she was our angel again. Instead, I had to get adult spearmint-flavoured lozenges and grid them up, mix them with her rice cereal and force feed her medicine into her. She would fight me over the medicine, but for the rest of the day was a darling. She has now outgrown that reaction. By her teens she could eat that colouring with no apparent problem.</p><p></p><p>About the diet - we've tried it several times. Most recently, difficult child 3 was put on the diet through a public hospital here in Sydney where they were actually researching the benefits of the diet.</p><p>The aim of the diet - to determine which (if any) naturally-occurring or artificial additives are contributing to any problems, behaviourally or health-wise.</p><p>It can be a surprise to realise that a lot of the problems can be ascribed to naturally-occurring chemicals. It can be a shock when you learn what foods you need to exclude to check this out.</p><p></p><p>The natural chemicals which can be a problem - they fall into several groups.</p><p></p><p>1) Salicylates. These are the natural anti-inflammatories. Willow bark contains enough to use therapeutically, although it's fairly rough on the stomach and now we can synthesise aspirin we're much better off. And we don't eat willow bark as a rule. But foods containing salicylates are the herbs & spices (except camomile); the strongly flavoured foods; tea, coffee; honey (VERY high in salicylates) and most fruit and vegetables except peeled pears and peeled potatoes.</p><p></p><p>2) Amines. A lot of meat in this group. Chocolate, bananas are both very high in amines.</p><p></p><p>3) Glutamates. Mostly fermented products such as soy sauce, a lot of preservatives or otherwise preserved foods including natural methods of preservation.</p><p></p><p>4) Dairy. Yes, milk, lactose etc can be a problem.</p><p></p><p>5) Artificial additives such as colour, flavour.</p><p></p><p>The Elimination Diet aims to exclude ALL possibilities to first see if there is any improvement when you have ruled out absolutely everything (and you also have to rule out toothpaste with its minty freshness - salicylate) and then you slowly introduce groups, to see if there is a reaction/return to the problem behaviours.</p><p></p><p>The Elimination Diet is not a healthy one. It is not balanced. You cannot live on this safely, although you can help by including supplements which are permitted on the list. Most vitamins are OK, as long as the carrier they're in doesn't contain anything nasty. For example, chewable Vitamin C is not permitted, but powdered ascorbic acid is OK.</p><p></p><p>The basic, very limited elimination diet allows chicken (no skin), lamb, peeled potato, white sugar. Caramel therefore is a permitted colouring since all it is, is toasted sugar. We hunted around for things permitted and found one brand of lemonade was OK, home-made honeycomb (he liked that). Lots of roast chicken (we had to not use any stuffing and choose organic chicken which hadn't been flavour-basted or anything like that). Home-made poached pears in sugar syrup. Little else. When they allowed milk, he could have one brand of ice cream, vanilla only (yes, vanilla is OK).</p><p></p><p></p><p>What we found - diet wasn't the problem. The symptoms didn't ease as we expected, but waxed and waned erratically. We had eliminated the wrong variables - stress was the trigger and the symptom was nausea and vomiting.</p><p></p><p>You shouldn't undertake the Elimination Diet without a dietician's support. Seriously, this diet is bad enough to get CPS called on you, if you try it alone. And ensuring the kid's compliance - if you can't ensure it, then don't try because it will cause more misery than it's worth.</p><p></p><p>I'm glad we tried it. I'm also glad we don't need to worry about it.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 105679, member: 1991"] Dara, the answer is so obvious - all you need to do, is read his mind and in return, telepathically insert the answer he's looking for. He's getting frustrated with you (and himself) because this just isn't happening! Seriously, this is very close to the bone. We went through this with our younger two and especially with difficult child 3. The raging was quite spectacular at times, generally because we didn't instantly respond as he expected us to respond. Sometimes the first we knew that he wanted something, was when he threw a tantrum. He hadn't even asked for what he wanted! But then, he didn't have the language skills he should have had. Still, a non-verbal child can still 'ask' - grabbing you by the hand and dragging you to the kitchen sink generally means, "I want a drink of water". He is very young, and extremely frustrated - with himself, as much as other people. And yes, young angry children throw things. By putting him in the crib to cool down, you are doing a very good thing. I also am thinking Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) in some form, to some degree. It could turn out to be quite mild - if he is very bright but also very frustrated, the higher intelligence can increase the frustration because the child has an internal sense of, "I should be able to accomplish this - why can't I?" This is perhaps the worst age in a Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) child's development (my opinion, based on observations of my own kids). Even the emotional tug of war in adolescence, bad as it can be, pales next to the extreme raging and frustrations of a toddler/pre-schooler. You commented he rages when he doesn't get his own way; you can deal with this by giving him what he wants, as long as it's OK with you. You don't gain anything by being obstructive purely for its own sake, which is what a lot of parents do, without even thinking, because they need to maintain the pecking order. In Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) the child does not understand pecking order at all, they will give back to you the behaviour you model to them (but add in the raging, for good measure). All you can do is continue to try to model good behaviour and even in the face of raging, calmly say, "I'm not hitting you; why are you hurting me? That is unkind." "Explosive Child" methods are good but he is VERY young. You may find SOME help, but until he can communicate his wants better, and until you can help him better understand YOUR needs with regards to him, there will be limited improvement. Diet can help. I recall when easy child was a baby, she was a darling. Until she got one particular artificial colouring. She first got it in medicine prescribed for thrush. She turned from a precious angel to a raging monster. We took her off the medicine and after a couple of days it had washed out of hr system and she was our angel again. Instead, I had to get adult spearmint-flavoured lozenges and grid them up, mix them with her rice cereal and force feed her medicine into her. She would fight me over the medicine, but for the rest of the day was a darling. She has now outgrown that reaction. By her teens she could eat that colouring with no apparent problem. About the diet - we've tried it several times. Most recently, difficult child 3 was put on the diet through a public hospital here in Sydney where they were actually researching the benefits of the diet. The aim of the diet - to determine which (if any) naturally-occurring or artificial additives are contributing to any problems, behaviourally or health-wise. It can be a surprise to realise that a lot of the problems can be ascribed to naturally-occurring chemicals. It can be a shock when you learn what foods you need to exclude to check this out. The natural chemicals which can be a problem - they fall into several groups. 1) Salicylates. These are the natural anti-inflammatories. Willow bark contains enough to use therapeutically, although it's fairly rough on the stomach and now we can synthesise aspirin we're much better off. And we don't eat willow bark as a rule. But foods containing salicylates are the herbs & spices (except camomile); the strongly flavoured foods; tea, coffee; honey (VERY high in salicylates) and most fruit and vegetables except peeled pears and peeled potatoes. 2) Amines. A lot of meat in this group. Chocolate, bananas are both very high in amines. 3) Glutamates. Mostly fermented products such as soy sauce, a lot of preservatives or otherwise preserved foods including natural methods of preservation. 4) Dairy. Yes, milk, lactose etc can be a problem. 5) Artificial additives such as colour, flavour. The Elimination Diet aims to exclude ALL possibilities to first see if there is any improvement when you have ruled out absolutely everything (and you also have to rule out toothpaste with its minty freshness - salicylate) and then you slowly introduce groups, to see if there is a reaction/return to the problem behaviours. The Elimination Diet is not a healthy one. It is not balanced. You cannot live on this safely, although you can help by including supplements which are permitted on the list. Most vitamins are OK, as long as the carrier they're in doesn't contain anything nasty. For example, chewable Vitamin C is not permitted, but powdered ascorbic acid is OK. The basic, very limited elimination diet allows chicken (no skin), lamb, peeled potato, white sugar. Caramel therefore is a permitted colouring since all it is, is toasted sugar. We hunted around for things permitted and found one brand of lemonade was OK, home-made honeycomb (he liked that). Lots of roast chicken (we had to not use any stuffing and choose organic chicken which hadn't been flavour-basted or anything like that). Home-made poached pears in sugar syrup. Little else. When they allowed milk, he could have one brand of ice cream, vanilla only (yes, vanilla is OK). What we found - diet wasn't the problem. The symptoms didn't ease as we expected, but waxed and waned erratically. We had eliminated the wrong variables - stress was the trigger and the symptom was nausea and vomiting. You shouldn't undertake the Elimination Diet without a dietician's support. Seriously, this diet is bad enough to get CPS called on you, if you try it alone. And ensuring the kid's compliance - if you can't ensure it, then don't try because it will cause more misery than it's worth. I'm glad we tried it. I'm also glad we don't need to worry about it. Marg [/QUOTE]
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