so tired of this......

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by ready2run, Dec 14, 2011.

  1. ready2run

    ready2run New Member

    just like most of you. it's a never ending cycle of problems. today husband walked difficult child to school for me, this is usually my job but i didn't have time to shower last night or this morning and husband was heading out anyway so he dropped him off on the way. So I run myself a bubble bath and hop in thinking i finally have some alone time. not two seconds later the phone rings. difficult child is throwing stuff and won't stop screaming/crying. Come get him please. uuggh...... so i hop out and dry off as fast as i can. i feel so icky cause i still didn't get to wash my hair and i have no makeup on. i run, literally run to the school to get him because i have no idea what he is doing and worried that he might be restrained(i have given permission for him to be restrained if necessary when he is attacking). he is wandering around his classroom doing his cry/scream and yelling "i want EA, I hate you EA, why won't you sit with me EA, don't get near me." the teacher and the two EA's have all the kids in one corner behind them. so i try to ask him what's wrong and he says pretty much that EA won't sit with him because he hates her.....uh, ok. so i say "Let's go home and we can have some quiet time. We can watch my little pony if you like." So, as typical he refuses to leave but doesn't want to stay. I had to carry him down the hallway. He kicked a different EA as we walked passed her, but in my opinion that was her own fault, she can see him screaming while i'm carrying him, she should move over and go around us. BUT i had to say "it's not okay to kick people, you need to watch what you're doing." so we get down to the office and i am trying to get his coat/boots on because it's minus temps here and i can't take him outside without them, especially when he is upset just incase he somehow 'escapes' me. (which would never happen but it's something i worry about) in the process of trying to get his stuff on him he boots both EA and VP. I asked EA to leave for reasons that should be obvious. VP does get him to get his stuff on but i see difficult child is only co-operating because he sees that VP and I now have back up from the other male teacher in the school as the secretary called them down. the whole time he is telling VP how much he hates him and he's gonna get back at him tomorrow. i had to carry him home. ugh. at least their 'emergency' plan worked and no kids got hurt. right?

    it seems like over the last couple weeks his behaviour is getting worse and worse. his medications are not working properly again and the psychiatrist has refered him to intensive behaviour management therapy instead. i know this doesn't work, i did it with my 12yo who does not have nearly as many problems and it was nothing but a waste of time and a pain in the butt. it seems like any progress we make is only temperary and no matter how much work we do it's just going to come back to the same old stuff anyways. it's really disheartening to see that he is no better off than he was before his medications increase now and it's only been two months.
  2. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    I am so sorry you had such a rough morning. Has he calmed down since he got home? It sounds like you might need a new psychiatrist if that is even possible. What medications is difficult child on? That sounds like a lot of what difficult child 1 went through on a couple different medications. It actually caused the opposite of what they were intended to do. He might need a different medication but if the psychiatrist doesn't agree, I don't know what to tell you. Here, I tell them I want to stop the current on and try something else, they do it. Not sure how your system there works but difficult child 1 would be in LONG-term residential if the psychiatrist hadn't listened to me. Once we stopped that medication, the behavior went away completely in about a week.
  3. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Oh gosh, You really had your hands full. You know I can totally relate, though no way to carry mine anymore. Today I started to take a bath and switched to a quick shower afraid my phone would ring and I wouldn't be ready.

    Do you mind if I ask... your signature says probably Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD).... so

    do you have any Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) day treatment programs.? Q went to one half day there then half day in the public school for preschool and K. now THAT was a good time for us. (Is he K?) We also have now (but they started after Q got too old for it) two autism charter schools. They do a reverse mainstream program at one so it is open to anyone, but is staffed by all autism support folks.
    You say probably Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) in your signature, can you nail that down and then get him into a school resource room for that. Could it be that this class is not be set up for Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) very well? (I can't remember what kind of class, a typical class or special needs with an EA for him?) Maybe he needs a room totally set up for Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD), it makes such a difference for some kids. much more structure, planned transitions (each child with their own set of transition cards, turned to the page of what is happening next before they do it, etc...), specialized cues to help manage behavior etc. Do they talk to him when he falls apart or use gestures and visuals? Sounds like he has so many comebacks that visuals would maybe work better. Does he have figits, weighted lap pads, ear phones ... what ever matches his needs to help calm and attend. ??? (Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) or not these things could help maybe...)

    Just brain storming... if you have all that stuff already just ignore me, smile! No matter what, I really am here for you, I get this frustration totally and have been doing it for a long long time.
  4. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

  5. ready2run

    ready2run New Member

    it is difficult child 2 that is undiagnosed. difficult child is most certainly autistic, adhd and most likely Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS) as he was born addicted. He also has trauma from being passed around in foster care before BM fessed up to who the daddy was and he came to live with us. He is in a Special Education class already, has his own EA who used to work in a school for extremely delayed kids and is working with him really well. he has a weighted vest but refuses to wear it more often than not, although i do find it helpful when he agrees to use it. he also has ear phones. He has recently started having a real issue with smells. he smells everything, mostly his hands and he gets majorly upset when he smells anything burnt. he is very vocal about it though, i think if it was a smell thing he would have said so.
    as for psychiatrist. there is no other psychiatrist. well, there is but we are on a wait list. we have been aproved to see him but the first appointment is not until next MAY. until then we are supposed to work on the intesive behaviour therapy. I feel like screaming at them that i don't want it. i don't think it's going to help and husband does not like people in the house, and he gets really stressed and takes it out on me when people are coming over. these people are going to be here every day for 6 months.......i think i may pull all my hair out.
  6. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    Are they going to expect husband to change? Your husband and mine sound so much a like I wonder if yours is Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) too.
  7. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Oh sorry I got confused which one...oops. But that actually answers the question then. So I can totally see how it could be uncomfortable to have strangers in the home every day... I would hate that too. I have people over three times a week, but they usually leave now. they go out and do things in the community.

    So sorry there is not an option for an autism day treatment program. I really loved that and wish we had it for his age now.
  8. ready2run

    ready2run New Member

    no, i don't expect husband to change. it would be nice though if he would just accept that people are going to come and deal with it in a way that doesn't involve me. i don't like having non friend people over either. i deal with it by cleaning or baking. husband may have Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD). he has something. anxiety at the very least but he also doesn't like people and has told me before he 'thinks' he remembers being 'really annoying' like difficult child when he was little.
  9. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    difficult child 1's annoyance with smells has gotten MUCH worse over the last year. It is a very real sensory issue for him. He is also very verbal about it NOW. Before he figured out how to verbalize it himself, he would act out and using Plan B from The Explosive Child that helped me figure out what was going on so I could teach him how to put it into words. Keep in mind he was 12.
    If it's not MANDATORY why can't you refuse it? I realize you need some help but if it's not going to help (and it won't if they don't have a ton of experience with Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD)) and you don't want it, who says you have to do it? I guess I don't know how things work in Canada so I'm just asking.

    I am sorry it seems so backwards up there. I think I would go nuts. ((((HUGS)))) to all of you.
  10. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    TeDo... one of the things we run into up here (Canada) is the need to keep "active" in the system. Depending on the province and the particular services, you become "inactive" after 6 or 12 months.

    For example - we need psychiatrist for medications adjustments, but fam doctor would gladly do rewrites... However, we HAVE to use psychiatrist. Because... unless we see psychiatrist at least one a year, we drop OFF the "approved referal" list... and have to get re-referred, which can take 12-18 months... and then you might not get the same psychiatrist back. SO... no choice.

    I'm thinking that R2R is in something similar. She has to take SOMETHING, because not taking ANYTHING for 6 months... might drop them right out of the chain of access... and starting over is a HUGE deal.

    I've had to get difficult child to "fake" therapist stuff (he didn't want to go, refused to open up), to "hold his place in line". They know what you're doing, and why you're doing it... so, if this is what you're doing, they DON'T give you weekly... maybe every 3/4/6 weeks. Until the referrals can wend their way through and get you what you're waiting for.

    R2R... just {{hugs}} this time.
  11. ready2run

    ready2run New Member

    yes, we have to do it because of psychiatrist. not to hold our spot(that i know of but maybe...) but because when we get there he will not help us if we didn't follow the recommended steps and then they might drop us as 'unwilling' to participate or at the very least we will be told again to do the behaviour therapy before he can move forward with other treatments. so basically if they tell you to do it, you have to and if you don't you will be denied access to possible things in the future that might be helpful. i highly doubt difficult child will even co-operate at all anyways, it is a waste of time for us and for the behaviour therapist. i think maybe bt could work if his medications were fixed first but in the mean time the services could go to someone who actually wants/needs them, you know? difficult child is so unwilling to learn from us that he just ignores things. yesterday he says to me, "mom, did you know she is for a girl and he is for a boy? That's what EA said. how come you never told me that?" DUH, i've been saying that for FIVE YEARS!!!! and yes doctors here do drop you if you don't book regular appointments. we had an issue with difficult child's heart last year and booked an appointment with the pediatrician. his secretary went off on me for not bringing him in for two years and said that was neglect and why should she book me in now when i obviously didn't care about his needs before this came up. meanwhile we had just seen the pediatrician three weeks before that as he was collaberating with psychiatrist and they share an office so he was attending our psychiatrist appointments as well becaus difficult child is so little and psychiatrist wanted a second opinion on medicating someone so small(he is almost 7 now and weighs under 40lbs, my 3yo is bigger than him).
  12. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Oh, dear!

    I'm glad you took him home. He wouldn't have calmed down at that point.

    I know what you mean about not being able to take a bath or shower. This a.m., I went back to bed with-an herbal hot pack because my shoulder blade and neck are sore. I hadn't been there 5 min. when I got a phonecall from the mother of one of my son's friends, telling me that she read her son's texts from last night and they are planning a fight against another kid after school.
    I was up in a flash. So much for the hot pack.

    I hope your day gets better!
  13. ready2run

    ready2run New Member

    i hope yours gets better too TJ.
  14. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    R2R, things there really are backwards! I am so sorry and I know what you mean about others needing/wanting to get those services and feeling that it's a waste of everyone's time to put the effort where it is inappropriate. I really feel for you. {{{{(((HUGS)))}}}} again. Ever thought of moving to the states? I'll make room for all of you here. LOL
  15. ready2run

    ready2run New Member

    lol...are you somewhere warm? i may consider it if i don't have to deal with snow anymore. :)
  16. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    Sorry. We're pretty darn close to Canada. We don't have snow YET (really worried about making up for it come January) but it IS a tad warmer than you but not by much. Maybe check with some of our southerners here. I'm sure one of them would be willing to take you all in. Wink Wink LOL


    I'm in North could stay here...but you probably wouldn't want to...LOL


    I can SO relate to this thread. I feel like I can never relax anymore when he's in school. When the school calls me now and difficult child is NOT in trouble, they say who they are and that difficult child is fine immediately cause they know we're always thinking the worse when we see that number pop Your difficult child sounds almost exactly like mine. My difficult child is def on the spectrum...PPD or Aspergers... along with ODD, ADHD, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). In the past few months he has behaved exactly like yours did today. Thing is, with mine, he's getting too big for me to physically control. He starts partial hospitalization program next week and then hoping they get the authorization for a SBS class after that. He is still in a regular classroom with only a 504 plan, not the IEP I've been requesting for over a year now. NOW the school is getting on board with an IEP...partly a CYA situation and partly they see how much he needs it. Only took him picking up scissors and cutting the principal's blinds to convince them...:). Really hope your day improves. It's always liking living on a roller coaster, isn't it?
  19. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    First of all, I am sorry your bath got interrupted. I hope you can get husband to handle the kids so you can get one later. That used to be my one escape - the hot bubble bath with a book.

    The pediatrician's secretary chewed you out when you had been seeing the doctor? I hope you chewed her a new one back!! I also hope you told her boss, the doctor, all about her nasty attitude. If you haven't, write a letter telling him how it made you feel awful and how wrong it was and how if anyone heard her then she could be sued for libel because it totally was NOT true and accusations of neglect and abuse shoudl NOT be bandied about when the person doesn't have a clue what they are talking about. in my opinion the secretary needs to be taken down a peg or twelve.

    Sensory issues can be so overwhelming. It sounds like you have a LOT going on. Do you have a Parent Report and is it up to date? A PR is a document all about your difficult child that you create to keep all the info in ONE place. The link in my sig will take you to a thread that explains it and has the outline for it. in my opinion it is one of the most powerful tools in the Warrior Mom arsenal.

    I hope that things smooth out for the whole family soon. ((((((((((hugs))))))))))
  20. ready2run

    ready2run New Member

    My original post was from a couple days ago(or was it yesterday? i can't keep track). i did end up getting my bath after though, it wasn't all that relaxing because the kids kept bugging me.

    i sure did! First i just hung up but I called back a couple hours later and told her she should look in his file if she is so confused that just because SHE hasn't seen me doesn't mean HE hasn't seen me. I also mentioned it to him. she doesn't work there anymore. i can't imagine why. :)

    So difficult child got sent home again today. this time he up the creek without a paddle, in my books anyways. I just got my little one down for a nap after being overtired from difficult child waking him up at 4am when the school called this time. Of course husband is out playing video games at the times so i had to wake him up and take him down. This time he 'escaped' his EA and got hold of difficult child 2, threw him to the ground and started kicking him and stomping him. He says he doesn't know why and difficult child 2 started it. apparently in his mind walking in line with the rest of the kindergarden kids is somehow grounds to attack someone? difficult child 2 was also given a pink sheet for violent behaviour for kicking difficult child back which i ripped up in front of VP and handed to him. I told him point blank i taught difficult child 2 to fight back and he did a good job because he is not to sit there and just take it from difficult child and running is not usually a viable option so yes, he is supposed to defend himself. I am thinking of telling them that if difficult child is to become violent again they should call 911. it seems like overkill to me but that is what psychiatrist suggested last year. that way if he is still out of control as he gets older there will at least be a record of it, it won't just seem to the system that it came out of nowhere. i don't know. anyone ever need to call the police on a kid before?