So today we....

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by mrscatinthehat, Jul 27, 2008.

  1. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    Went to see the difficult children. Something we try to do efvery month. Got to gfg2s residence and had pizza with him during our two hour visit. We played cards and had a general good time.

    As for difficult child 1 yesterday she had quite a day with cutting and a hospital trip. So as we were on the drive this morning we got a call from her telling us she wasn't wanting us to come. We said oh sorry but we are on our way so we are coming.

    When we got to her house she was out on the porch hands on hips ready to pounce. husband and I said hi and then we went inside with her. As we got to her room I said so I take it with the way you are acting you are waiting for anything to say to have a fit and make this a bad day. No she says I am not doing that. (I figured lets diffuse things right away. We talked about her food stealing and various other things for a bit and at one point she said all dramatic like that she didn't want to talk about this stuff. I said at that point do you want to be treated like an adult. She of course said yes and I said that means we have to be able to talk about this stuff like adults.

    so things went on and we discussed menus and what not. Then I took husband outside her room to have a chat with him. One of the big issues is the boyfriend that she has. We had not met him and we had some limits as to how often she could see him.

    I asked her if she would like to invite said boyfriend to dinner. She was exstatic. (to my way of thinking might as well meet him so I know what we are dealing with and how to prepare myself for the inevitable.)

    Everything got arranged and we picked him up at his place of residence (he is in a home like hers). He was very polite and made quite a good impression.

    So as dinner started I started to interrogate (I mean casually get to know him). He was very forthcomeing with his answers. The bs detector didn't sense any. So either he is a very good actor or he isn't a bad guy so far. Then we got in the car and on our way back I asked him the burning question of why he was in the place he was (I mean if difficult child is going to have a difficult child boyfriend I would like to have a heads up on what is out there to happen). I braced not knowing how he would react to my question. Again he was very forthcoming.

    Over the course of dinner there was some teasing and the like of difficult child 1 but nothing extreme. All in all it was great. Certainly not what I had mentally planned for.

    So when we took her back she was in a great mood. We left to have our 3 hour drive home.

    We get the phone call about 2 hours in that she freaked out about an hour after we left. We reviewed with the coordinater of the house what all happened. She let us know what staff said. None of us could lay a finger on why this happened. She cut and then ran from the home.

    The only thing we can think is that she really was planning on a blow out with us over the stuff that had been happening and yesterday's lovely events and she just didn't know how to handle something going well. We tried so hard. And I'll be buggered if she didn't go and make it ugly in the end anyway.

    The boyfriend was ok and seems to have been working hard to get his act together. Ah well.

    Another day in the life.......

  2. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    Perhaps something happened there after you left that had nothing to do with the earlier events in the day. Lord knows sometimes it just doesn't take much for a trigger. I know it sometimes was the most insignificant things that could set Nichole off.

    I'm glad that you were able to have a nice visit, meet the boyfriend, and that so far he seems to be an ok kid. Too bad the day ended badly for difficult child.

  3. amazeofgrace

    amazeofgrace New Member

    wow that must be so hard having her so far away, and in another sense, It must give you the break you deserve and need, I think I could see myself in a similar situation down the road with both my difficult child's, so sorry it all ended badly
  4. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    I'm so sorry Beth! Have they found her?
  5. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    She is back. Unscathed. Not that I wouldn't like to go and scathe her (not sure what that would entail). And she wonders why we got guardianship. The 14 year old decisions that come with an 18 old ID don't work well.

  6. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    I'm glad that you had a good day. Sometimes I think our kids have to wreck the good just to convince themselves they deserve to not be home, not to have what other kids have. I know my daughter would do something over the top whenever we had a really good visit. Try as she might, she couldn't stop herself. She was different, not at home, with a group of kids that all had problems and all had done some pretty bad things, she needed to know she belonged there. (I guess stabbing me, stealing anything she could get her hands on of value, cutting school, shoplifting for the fun of it, etc. wasn't enough!) Your daughter may be feeling some of the same. Factor that in with the fact that she was primed to get into a fight early on and the kid in her won out. She did behave like a young adult for quite a good bit of time.
  7. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Yes, my difficult child defined the meaning of self sabatoge. It is so common with these kiddos, yet heartbreaking. She probably was trying so hard to be good at one level. and yet it made her feel out of her body with discomfort, and she melted down.

    Overall, it does sound like progress.?
  8. Star*

    Star* call 911


    I'm glad you had a good time with your son. Some days you just get lucky they get mature. You deserved a nice time with him after all the rest of the krap you endure.

    As far as your daughter? Well.....look at it this way - You got to see her, you had a nice dinner, and you met her boyfriend (loved the BS meter by the way) all in all a good day.

    As to trying to figure out why she whigged out and did dumb things later? WHO KNOWS? OMG if I had (today) a nickle for everytime i've sat and "pondered dude" OMG I wouldn't be here - I'd be in the Bahamas or Alaska or anywhere I didn't have to hear the words we hear every day -

    Put it in the let it go basket and enjoy the good thoughts and postive vibes from your day with your son.

    THREE HOURS??? OMG don't these kids appreciate gasoline prices? argh!:whiteflag:
  9. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    I'll bet this is not far from the truth... I only say this because husband used to get himself in a mental lather over stuff, anticipating things to go badly, things he was upset about, wanted to say, etc. And even if things started out well, he would evenutally find a way to sabotage the situation because of all this pent up worry and rumination. It got to the point that I could predict outcomes with him, depending on the situation we were going into.

    Somebody should pinch me because I can't believe I'm talking about this in the past tense! He is about 90% improved in this area -- nothing short of a friggin' miracle! Better living through chemistry...
  10. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    I know when I was younger and not very healthy mentally/emotionally, I felt like I didn't deserve to feel good or be happy and if I did I felt guilty and had to do something about it.

    I'm glad she's back.