so very depressed

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Kjs, May 16, 2011.

  1. Kjs

    Kjs Guest

    Maybe I'm not depressed. I have SO very much anger. It rules my life. I am angry and more angry and just don't see the reason to get up each day. Each day seems worse than the day before. Ever since difficult child was born it's been a struggle. One thing after another. How do you make it through the day.

    difficult child was in a car accident Friday night. His fault. Totaled his car. People got hurt. He is alright, and the injuries were not severe. Neck pain, but went in ambulance. I am scared. husband doesn't seem to be affected. But then again it is me that has to deal with all the fall out. I just can't do it anymore. I am very happy that difficult child is not hurt. But I don't show it. Instead I am angry that it is just one more thing on top of all others.
    A friend of mine asked if I was taking medication, if there wasn't something to help me. But there isn't medication that will make my job closer than 65 miles one way in heavy traffic. Or make the lights work in the bathroom or basement. Medication isn't going to stop the mortgage from going up or keep my husbands company from closing. It isn't going to give my son back his car or have the other people not be hurt. Medication isn't going to help any of that.

    I am so, so sad. So scared. So angry that I follow the rules, and do what I am suppose to do and things just keep happening. And I see others who lie and cheat and have everything I wish I could have. How do you make it through the today? or tomorrow? I don't see anything getting better. Only worse and I am so afraid. I say things I wish I didn't. I am just a failure at everything I have ever done.

    If I was a better parent, maybe difficult child wouldn't be so messed up. I tried. I tried all I can and failed at everything. I just don't know where to turn.
     
  2. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I do think you are depressed and while medication wont make any of those things go away, it will make it easier for you to handle them. Im sorry about the accident, but I am glad your son is okay. It seems all kids have an accident with their first car which is why I think they should all get hoopdy's for their first cars. Hoopdy's are $500 cars...lol. Basic no frills, no air, no radio but tires and will get you back and forth and will teach you how to change the oil and maybe a few mechanical duties. If you can make it from first car to college on that basic car without killing it, then we can talk,

    Well...guess your son is going to learn the fine art of walking and taking the bus again. Sadly, it is going to effect your insurance which is why none of mine had a license until they were adults.

    I do think you should talk to your doctor about a medication though.
     
  3. Nomad

    Nomad Guest

    I'm so sorry. You are right, medication wont make these type of problems go away. Can you get to your doctor right away? You might try medication to see if it helps with thinking over and over again about your discomfort. Also, talk therapy will likely help too. Not doubt, your situation calls for both. Do what you can to feel better. There is no shame in this. You have MUCH going on. You know this. It is not a surprise. If you had a friend reporting all this to you, you would tell them the same thing. Be a friend to yourself and please get to a doctor and see about speaking with a counselor asap. In between or in the mean time, please call a trusted friend...meet for coffee....get some of this off your chest. Find something you like to do that is safe and enjoyable....read, exercise, get a scoop of ice cream, go to the movies, go to the library....and take a little time for yourself. by the way, if your child has bipolar illnes, you didn't cause this and can't cure it. Just make sure he gets to the doctor and do your best to relax and let go of what need not be your burden. I KNOW it is hard. All here know and no doubt, all here wish you better days soon.
     
  4. keista

    keista New Member

    Ditto to the above.

    (((HUGS)))

    And, you have not failed. The only real failure in life is never trying.
    Took the words right out of my mouth! Faith and medications get me through. Faith that sometime, some way, I will be rewarded. Faith that 'they' will get their just desserts. Faith that everything has a purpose (even difficult children and mosquitoes). medications help me FEEL that Faith.
     
  5. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    KJS--

    I am so you are feeling so angry right now...

    but that said, I think you have every RIGHT to be angry! The mortgage going up, husband's company closing, your long commute, difficult child's irresponsible behaviors - these things are NOT FAIR!!!!

    I have heard it said, that sometimes we NEED to get angry in order to make the changes we need to make in our lives...

    Maybe this is a good time to look around and see what you can change?

    And I mean REALLY look.

    Do you need the house with the big mortgage? Can you find another place to live? Yes, it will be hard....but would it help?

    Do you really need the job with the long commute? Maybe not if you lose the big mortgage...

    Think about it...list your priorities...

    You may be surprised at the things you are ready to do differently.

    And meanwhile

    ((((hugs))))
     
  6. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Often, anger leads to depression. Learning a new way to cope and allowong some things/events that are most defiitely out of your control go will help...like Janet said, medications won't make everything go away, but it will be a starting point at which to cope. Along with some talk therapy, medications may be the very thing you need to get through things, not become so overwhelmed by things, etc.

    I know it's very difficult, I don't think there isn't one of us here who haven't been or aren't exactly where you are now. Big gentle hugs. Please call your Dr and do something nice for yourself - taking care of yourself is doing something nice. I'm sorry, K, you're feeling so sad.
     
  7. Kjs

    Kjs Guest

    Thank you all for your kind words.
    I am glad also that difficult child's car was only $500. No power windows, no cd player, had rust. But it is gone now and I am back to being the taxi driver. He is really upset. Said it keeps playing through his mind over and over. He is looking for work, and offered his change jar. I do want him to feel some remorse for being inattentive and taking his eyes off the road. But I don't want him to dwell on it. Kind of touchy. Especially since I have been just losing control.

    All the big things happening...then little things like I go to open the bedroom shade and it falls off the wall. Then go to ope the curtain and that falls too.

    Our house is small, and with husband losing his job I MUST work. And there isn't work closer. I have been looking. Most offers I have had is only contract work and that is 40 miles away. I will need insurance once husband's job is gone. Right now they are looking at the shutdown being next fall.

    I did just get off the phone with the insurance company. (agent) It is nice that the agent is also my childhood friend. I feel so much better. He said everything will be ok. It will all be taken care of.

    I still have the fear of difficult child in a friends car now. That is an awful phone call to get, that your child has been in an accident. It plays through my head over and over, only in my dreams he is hurt. I am so afraid of him in a car. Do I keep him from driving now? Do I make him get back in and drive? (husband's car)
    He said he never wants to drive again. Do I just let it go with no driving? Our state has the point system. This ticket was a lot of points. Don't want to risk any more points or he will lose his license. Thinking he needs to just not get behind the wheel for a while. But would that inexperience then come back and slap me in the face like everything else I try? I try to do things right and good, but it always has away to come back and bite me.

    Thank you for your kind words. I really, really needed that. Thank you.
     
  8. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Sweetheart... {{{{{HUGS}}}}}

    I know exactly how you feel. You bust your butt, making sure your family has a nice life. And no one says thank you. Others break rules and laws and get away with it, but if you so much as blink wrong you'll be the one to pay.

    I feel you. I know so exactly how you are feeling...

    I just have one question... Why do you have to be taxiMom?
     
  9. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    ((((hugs))))

    I hear ya! Does not help that the katie thing tends to rub that "others break the rules, lie and cheat and get away with it thing either"

    I've been doing this dirt poor thing for a life time. Ok let me put that better. There is poor, which I've done for a lifetime........then there are the periods it drops to dirt poor, doesn't ever seem to get over the poor area. lol And I laugh. Why on earth can I laugh? Because I let it go because I have no control over it. I do the very best with what I have, and the rest I refuse to worry about because I can't do more than I can do. Getting angry over it doesn't help the situation, it just makes me feel like crud. Getting sad over it doesn't help the situation, it again just makes me feel like crud. I can worry until the cows come home, but worrying isn't going to bring more money in either.

    With those who break the rules and get rewarded, karma catches up with them eventually. I, on the other hand, have to live with myself.

    As far as our house............that I had to get run over by a truck literally to get in the first place............we've been holding on by a thread for 2 yrs, a very fine thread at that. But in the end? It's just a house. I survived just fine before this house, I'll survive just fine should I no longer have it. It's just a material thing. As far as the bills........well, you can't get blood out of a stone. I do what I can and don't worry about what I can't.

    Anger can often progress into depression. medications won't take your problems away, but they might help you to be able to look at them differently.

    Be glad difficult child was not injured in the accident and let it go. Let him take that responsibility, not your worry or your headache. You can simply choose not to deal with the fall out. It can be liberating actually.

    I do understand. And I'm not saying you've no reason to feel the way you feel. But since you're feeling this way maybe it's time to take a look at exactly why and see what changes can be made that will make it better......even if it's letting it go, or telling someone it's their problem and not yours, or how you look at it ect.

    Hugs
     
  10. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    I do hope that you will re-think and maybe at least try medications for a while. I've been on them twice, for basically the same thing, when it seemed like there were just too many serious problems and bad things going on at once - actually it was once for each divorce and the accompanying problems and issues. And for me the medications were a short-term Godsend when I needed them. No, they won't make your problems go away, and they won't turn you in to a zoned out zombie nodding off in a chair either. What they did for me was to distance me from the problems just enough that I could see things clearly and effectively deal with them. They kept me from being overwhelmed by the chaos that was going on at the time so that I could cope and make good decisions. I hope you will at least try them for a while and see if they help.
     
  11. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Well I am glad that you guys had the good sense to have difficult child get a junker for his first car...Way To Go momma! I see so many people giving their kids new cars for the first car and they just go out and wreck them in the first 6 months and wonder why. Duh! First of all, kid didnt help pay for it and then the kid is a new driver.

    I know how scared your son is right now after the accident. I had my first accident about 6 months after I got my license. It wasnt my fault at all. Someone slammed on their brakes and locked up and slid into my lane and hit me head on. I couldnt do a thing about it. There was a six foot ditch on my right hand side so I couldnt swerve that way. I was so scared to get in the car again after that. So scared. My parents gave me about a week to get to feeling better from my injuries and then tossed me the keys to my mom's car and told me to go to the store to pick up some groceries. Just very nonchalantly.

    We did the same thing when my oldest had his accident a couple of years ago. It was a fender bender but it was just a couple of months after he started to drive. We just never gave him the option of not driving.
     
  12. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I understand the anger and frustration, and while there isn't a medication that can make everything all better, medications can help your reaction to yet another body blow, as some of the other ladies have said. My only advice is to look at what you can change, delegate what you can delegate, and take care of YOU for a change, which is easier said than done. I know.

    Many hugs.
     
  13. Kjs

    Kjs Guest

    Thank you.
     
  14. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Hi Kjs, so sorry I didn't respond to this sooner.
    It sounds like things have calmed down a bit.
    I, too, am glad that difficult child didn't have a fancier car.

    I hear you. I've had so, so, so many days like that, I cannot begin to tell you.
    Yrs ago, I went on medications. Felt so-so. Went to a therapist and complained, just like you did. Even more. "I've been taking these stupid medications, and the Student From H*ll is still messing up my life, husband is still a workaholic, difficult child is still raging and never sleeps, easy child is constantly talking and busybusybusy with-friends and events, I'm sick of being Rotary President, and my new dog is a fear biter. I want them all just to disappear!"
    She said, "The medication isn't supposed to make them disappear."
    "Well, that was my plan."
    She just smiled. And helped me make a better plan. (Although her plan actually included making the S.Amer student disappear on the next flt out, and the dog disappear back to the shelter.)
    I only followed part of it, but wth. ;)

    Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately) when I get that run down and angry, I get sick. Inevitably, I will get a cold or stomach flu. My body's way of saying, "Stop!"
    The Year From H*ll ended up even worse when I rewarded myself with-Epstein Barr.
    So, it can get worse.

    I hate to say it, but I'd recommend medications, too. You don't have to do it forever. Maybe just until your difficult child finishes college?
     
  15. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    or marries, has kids or moves to the french alpines...whichever comes first!
     
  16. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Kjs,

    Well.....I so get where you are coming from. I think a lot of people get where you are coming from. Matter of fact? (HUGE LONG DEEP EXHALE) When I first went into therapy? One of the first absolute gripes I brought to the table was "Why is it that I seem to do all the right things, follow the rules, color inside the lines, don't smoke, don't swear (shut up Janet), don't even jay walk, catch shopping carts as they drift down the hill at the Kmart to keep them from dinging other peoples cars, let people out into traffic and am polite about it, won't be greedy and take the last loaf of bread if there are two and I hear someone walking down the aisle with kids saying Oh look it's the last loaf, try to remember to do things like say thank you and please, remind someone every day they look nice or be kind and yet EVERY single time I'm turning around? and I do the speed limit i my car ALL THE TIME, yet watch idiots speed like 65 in a school zone ALL THE TIME but let me be late just one time and go over 3 mph JUST THREE lousy MPH in a residential zone or not come to a complete halting stop on a road in the dead of night at 3 in the morning when I'm sick and out getitng DF some cough medicine? and It's ME.....It's ME that is getting a ticket? Or it's ME that is the person in the store going for that last loaf of bread and the greedy woman takes both loafs and smirks - or it's ME that drives through the glass after 200 people have and I get the flat? Or its me that has the (fill in my life)

    So now you know at least I guess that you aren't alone in your thought process and it doesn't even ever need to get to a whizzing contest - it does not take much to look around and see there are others who have it so much worse off than you - which isn't the point of my point - but when these problems are yours? They're real, they're close, they're personal, and they hurt. So you naturally want someone to share the load, and when you seem to have more than your fair share (whatever that is?) Life can get over whelming. And when it seems like life has been over welming for a lot longer than just a month or a year - but for a life? It's time to sit down and talk to someone about it, and figure out that you really have been having a bad life. Not just a few instances that rolled into a week that rolled into a month, that rolled into a year into years ....but this is your LIFE.....and you need to be pro-active about it NOW. Why now? Well - actually because you've gotten to the point where you're beyond treading water honey - you're sinking and at this point? You've realized it and you CAN DO SOMETHING about it.

    You're angry about it. Sounds kinda odd - but there isn't really any better time to take action and take control of your life than now. Thing is - you are sitting there and you're probably saying to yourself "Well good Star I already said I was angry - now if i KNEW how to fix it don't you think I already would have (You adorable jackass)?" and I say Well KJS Yes actually but since you don't then you need to find someone to HELP you. See everyone seems to have such an aversion to mechanics. ..........(wha?) mechanics. ??? yup. Car is broken you take it to a window washer. No no no....a Mechanic. Right? Right! Life is broken you take it to a life fixer. That would be a shrink, a therapist, a phsychiatrist, a brain doctor, an emotional rescue.....(do do do do do do dooooooooooo) and there? You hash out some stuff to figure out how to put the penny in the gum slot. And not be so overwhelmed.

    Sounds really simple like you should be able to fix it all yourself or If you just cut this out or that out or stopped this or that - you'd be fine - but if that were true - you would have already done it because you're just overwhelmed not stupid. You in fact are VERY smart. Just tried to do too much and not delegate, for whatever reason - but again there in the emotional rescue place (do do do do dod dooo doooo can't you just hear Mick Jagger singing?) you get help with that. And maybe if you aren't adverse to a little Mother's helper for a while since your endorphines and seretonin are probably depleted? Some SSRI's or something.

    I dunno - You're smart. Figure it out. Ohhhhhh I see......"I don't have time (insert sock puppet) -==========yeah well keep going like you are - maybe you'll get so angry you'll make time or MAYBE? You'll just have a heart attack and then your family will figure out how to do all the things you did....an (well you know) without you....and everything will be fine. Just fine. And we'll figure out what to do without you......yeah...(insert sad sad face)

    Okay well gotta go get some tissue now. You make me so sad. Sniff.

    Hugs.....
    Star
     
  17. Estherfromjerusalem

    Estherfromjerusalem Well-Known Member

    Kjs,

    Just sending you a hug. I hope you feel better about things soon.

    Love, Esther
     
  18. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Just wanted to see how you and the black dog are doing today - you never came back and said.

    and I still have Emotional Resssssssssssssscue rolling around in my brain. Thank you very much.
     
  19. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Just checking in.
    Kjs, I practice saying "NO" to telephone solicitors. Then I move up to family members.
    Just a thought ...
     
  20. cubsgirl

    cubsgirl Well-Known Member

    I hope you feel better ASAP.

    I am looking forward to meeting you in person later today!! :)
     
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