So, we told him to find better friends...

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by TerryJ2, Feb 12, 2015.

  1. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    And he brings them over for dinner. An hour warning.
    That's how you take 3/4 chicken that you would have shared with-husband, and make it into soup for 6 people.:confused:
    Anyway, one of them smokes heavily. (Cough cough). Even though he doesn't smoke in our house he's like a Charles Schultz PigPen character, walking with a haze all around him.
    Still, when we had dinner, just for conversation, I asked difficult child and his friends their least fave class and most fave class.
    One friend said fave was, "Physics." !!! :likeit:And yes, he was able to explain why. Plus, every time I threw out a random question, whether it be news media or food, he'd look it up on his iPhone.
    Another said, "Business." :)
    difficult child said "Culinary." (He likes hands-on things.) ;)
    Unfortunately, these kids live verrrry far away. Two are in another city. Why do they go to our public school? Divorced parents. Why does one live on the other end of town? Federal busing laws. (Ridiculous when 35% of our city is black. At least difficult child is relatively close to school.)

    Anyway, he offered to do dishes and take out trash, etc.

    We had a "Come to Jesus meeting" at the therapist's office the other day.
    Told difficult child we were sick of him calling the "I-am-18-and-can-just-leave" card every time he got angry.
    Turned the tables and told him we are thinking of throwing HIM out. I cried myself to sleep the other night after another one of difficult child's in-your-face jerky outbursts. He had a long to-do list and hadn't done a thing, everything from talking to the ins. company about the car, to taking his own medications every night on time, (instead of forcing us to nag him), to cleaning his room of cat poop, to finding a job.

    The therapist asked how close I was to actually following through on throwing him out.
    I said, "Last night, 100%. Today, 30%."

    All of a sudden, difficult child is being really, really good.
  2. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    P.S. I had a handyman coming over today and told difficult child I could add "Changing the locks" to the list.
    That probably made a difference.

    And then ... the handyman threw out his back and didn't show up today. I've been waiting 2 wks! The back door won't even stay shut, much less lock. But that's for the WC thread.
  3. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Oh Terry, Sorry about the handyman. But it sounds like you made a right call on your son.
  4. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Fingers crossed.
  5. 2much2recover

    2much2recover Well-Known Member

    So how are things going? Difficult child still behaving?
  6. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Thank you for asking.
    He has been trying, more or less. Did a few cleaning chores.
    We ran out of lithium, and then had a snowstorm. I found another pharma today and picked up the scrip. So I gave him some this a.m., and will give him more tonight, and by his a.m. dose, that, at least, should be normal.
    He is very, very impatient lately, wanting to be with his friends NOW, and from experience, that means he's using.
    He wanted the car today, so I let him "take" my Prius, which was a joke-and-a-half, because he couldn't get it out of the driveway in the snow.
    I knew that, but figured it would be good experience in driving, and in patience. :) :devilish:
    Later, he wanted the car again, to pick up his old girlfriend. I told him I'd check it out, to see if anything had melted. I finally got the car out of the driveway, and thought, I know, I'll surprise him and pick up his girlfriend.
    He surprised me and had already walked half way to her house. :)
    However, he had his backpack.
    That bothers me.
    I can guarantee you, when he carries it to a friend's house, it's not to study. :( :poop:
  7. HeadlightsMom

    HeadlightsMom Well-Known Member

    TerryJ2 -- Quite a chain of interesting events there. Don't see that the handyman (and lock change potential) has happened yet. Or did I miss that? Hoping it's going well for you. And, just wondering.......... On Thurs you told the therapist you were at 100% (last night..meaning Wed), then Thurs you were at 30% for throwing him out. Where are you at today? Oh, and, yeah.......the backpack thing. Backpacks rarely meant anything good in our experience. Is it the same in your experience, in general?

    Sending all good thoughts your way for things to evolve in the best range of possibilities (she said, knowing there's always a range)!
  8. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Thankyou, HeadlightsMom.
    Correct, the handyman hasn't happened.
    In fact, I should call them right now. I know they've been snowed in, too, so I hope that the guy who comes here has recovered from his back injury.
    difficult child just texted me and wants a ride. Ha.
  9. 2much2recover

    2much2recover Well-Known Member

    Seems they always want something.............sigh...........
  10. Nomad

    Nomad Well-Known Member

    Good wonder you might be clenching your teeth. Snowstorm, new friends, door won't lock, need to find another drug store, handy man doesn't come.....yikes!!!!! Hope the handyman comes soon! Unlocked door and difficicult child doesn't mix well.
  11. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Tooth is fixed. (The one I broke today.) difficult child is home. He was home last night, too. I discovered that although he expresses bravado about walking everywhere, with all the snow and cold (tonight it's 18), when I tell him I'm on the way to pick him up, he succumbs. I had a Reese's Peanut Butter cup for him last night, and leftover sushi tonight.
    That got him home and in a place where he would take his lithium, but he still refused the Lexapro. I think we'll have to wait until the dr. appointment.
    Thank you for all the support. It really helps.
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  12. HeadlightsMom

    HeadlightsMom Well-Known Member

    TerryJ2 -- Hope your tooth is feeling better by now. And hope your son is settling down. Really hard trying to recover from an injury or procedure if our kids are in flame-thrower mode. Hoping the lithium helped. Take care... We're with you!

    And stay warm! (well, at least as much as possible!)
  13. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Thank you!
    He spent the night at a friend's house last night. His ex-girlfriend came along at the last min. (Long story)
    I picked them up today ... it's a tiny, 1932-ish house, rented to several people. Each person only has one room, and they share the downstairs, much like a B&B, or a Japanese ryokan.
    A kid came to the door to look for some girl I'd never heard of. I let him in and it was a bit awkward, and it turned out that she is a sophomore at a different HS, and he is from another state (Tenn.) He told her she was going to get a huge cussing out.
    I wandered upstairs and when the bedroom door opened, I got hit in the face with-major league fumes--not sure if it was flavored tobacco, pot or both, but it was heavy and sweet (somewhat like my next-door-neighbor's cigar when I was a kid). And a half dozen kids spilled out. They had all spent the night there. Must have been a Running Away From Home Party.
    Anyway, difficult child came home with-me tonight and had dinner. He looks like a mess. No sleep and puffy eyes from all the smoke.
    Oh, and I embarrassed him in front of his friend, E, the one who actually lives there (his parents pay his rent). I invited myself in. difficult child said "You can't invite yourself in." I said, "Well, if you're going to move out and live here, I need to know what it's like."
    E looked surprised and difficult child said, "I said I was moving out. I didn't say I was moving out HERE."
    Ahhh. I outed him. ;)
    Last edited: Feb 21, 2015
  14. pandora404

    pandora404 New Member

    I'm not 100% sure but it sounds like you stumbled into a situation known as "hotboxing" (defined like this in Gathering into a confined area and smoking marijuana so that the impact and longevity of the smoke increases, resulting in a greater high.)
    This probably isn't want you want to hear, but knowledge is power (mostly).
  15. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Interesting, Pandora. Thank you.
    In addition, E only rents one room. So he has no choice but to go in and shut the door.