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So what happens when difficult child turns 18?
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 333703" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Sweetie, that is why learning to detach is so crucial. It helps you to move past the point where every move you make is taken only after you consider the effect on your child.</p><p></p><p>in my opinion it is not very healthy to continue to worry about an 18yo the way you do a younger child. It wrecks your health and happiness and it can hobble his independence. It also gives the newly hatched adult WAAAAYYYY to much power over you.</p><p></p><p>If you don't give me/buy me/help me/take me/drive me then I will move out and not tell you where I am going!</p><p></p><p>Can't you just hear your difficult child saying that? All of can, I think.</p><p></p><p>So you have to learn to have other interests and to not react to their plans and attempts to make us do something they can and should do for themselves.</p><p></p><p>I still remember the first time my now husband came to a family dinner. My gfgbro was in town for the first time since we met. So husband had never met him. You need to understand that any time we had company my gfgbro was compelled to say something guaranteed to caused great worry and lots and lots of discussion. Especially if the gathering was to celebrate someone else's birthday or accomplishment.</p><p></p><p>As soon as everyone was at the table eating veggies and dip my bro announces:</p><p></p><p>"I am going to walk to Washington."</p><p></p><p>My mother is sometimes just amazing. She never missed a beat. Showed no shock and better yet no interest. Her comment was "Where will you put all of your stuff?"</p><p></p><p>Gfgbro is NOT able to think fast on his feet. He is brilliant, but not in the heat of an argument. His jaw hit the floor. No one was taking the bait. We were all still laughing and having fun and enjoying each other!!! </p><p></p><p>We never did find out which Washington he meant. </p><p></p><p>This is, for me, a great example of detachment. It shows how you can refuse to give up your power to their manipulation. In my case my gfgbro did that for fun. It gave him some food for thought because he planned to use that manipulation to get at what he wanted for a long time.</p><p></p><p>It also freed my parents from having to hear all of his pseudo plans and worrying about his wild and unrealistic plans.</p><p></p><p>Does this make the concept of detachment any clearer?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 333703, member: 1233"] Sweetie, that is why learning to detach is so crucial. It helps you to move past the point where every move you make is taken only after you consider the effect on your child. in my opinion it is not very healthy to continue to worry about an 18yo the way you do a younger child. It wrecks your health and happiness and it can hobble his independence. It also gives the newly hatched adult WAAAAYYYY to much power over you. If you don't give me/buy me/help me/take me/drive me then I will move out and not tell you where I am going! Can't you just hear your difficult child saying that? All of can, I think. So you have to learn to have other interests and to not react to their plans and attempts to make us do something they can and should do for themselves. I still remember the first time my now husband came to a family dinner. My gfgbro was in town for the first time since we met. So husband had never met him. You need to understand that any time we had company my gfgbro was compelled to say something guaranteed to caused great worry and lots and lots of discussion. Especially if the gathering was to celebrate someone else's birthday or accomplishment. As soon as everyone was at the table eating veggies and dip my bro announces: "I am going to walk to Washington." My mother is sometimes just amazing. She never missed a beat. Showed no shock and better yet no interest. Her comment was "Where will you put all of your stuff?" Gfgbro is NOT able to think fast on his feet. He is brilliant, but not in the heat of an argument. His jaw hit the floor. No one was taking the bait. We were all still laughing and having fun and enjoying each other!!! We never did find out which Washington he meant. This is, for me, a great example of detachment. It shows how you can refuse to give up your power to their manipulation. In my case my gfgbro did that for fun. It gave him some food for thought because he planned to use that manipulation to get at what he wanted for a long time. It also freed my parents from having to hear all of his pseudo plans and worrying about his wild and unrealistic plans. Does this make the concept of detachment any clearer? [/QUOTE]
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