So why do I feel like dirt???

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by timer lady, Feb 28, 2007.

  1. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    It's been planned for a couple of weeks now - if kt had been home we'd have had respite. As she is not home, husband & I have decided to use Residential Treatment Center (RTC) as respite. No kt visit; no wm visit. Just a weekend to reconnect after a very hectic couple of months.

    I had to remind staff & SW at Residential Treatment Center (RTC) again this morning of the plans for this coming weekend.

    You've never heard such a load of crap thrown my way by SW & Residential Treatment Center (RTC) therapist. In the meantime, I have a therapist of my own & the attachment therapist today telling me to go ahead with our plans.

    I feel like I'm in the middle of a therapeutic argument between Residential Treatment Center (RTC) staff & outside staff that we are utilizing for outpatient treatment.

    So even though it's been recommended by tdocs that husband & I continue with the planned respite - I feel like the worst mother in the world.

    What exactly am I doing wrong? I'm a good mother - I know when to take time if I have it available.

    Why don't I believe it anymore?
     
  2. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Linda,
    I'm steaming that they would dare to question you about this weekend!! :grrr:How dare they? You are a great mom it makes me mad and sad they have tried to give you a guilt trip over this.

    Please go and enjoy your respite-you deserve it and you are a good mom!! Hugs.
     
  3. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    Linda,
    You will soon be back to the 24/7 parenting of a wonderful yet difficult difficult child. husband has needed a medication tweak and hospital stay. You just recently lost your job, followed by the death of your mother. You continue to be a family of different addresses with wm.
    Personally, I think having a weekend to reconnect and recharge with husband is possibly the best thing for everyone. It strengthens the entire family in the long run. And if this is a trigger for kt to escalate, then perhaps she's not as ready to come home as every one thought.
    {{{Hugs}}} You owe no one an explanation for working on your marriage.
     
  4. Linda,
    That's outrageous that they would try to make you feel guilty about needing this time. You are a great mom and you recognize when you need to take care of yourself and your marriage. Even if the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) people don't see it.

    I hope you both have a really great weekend. You deserve it.

    Cheers
     
  5. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    You know you're a good mother when you feel like a horrible mother. Funny how that works. Us moms are masters at self-inflicted guilt when it comes to our kids.

    I had a therapist tell me for a very long time that I couldn't take care of my short ones (easy child's not so short anymore) unless I took care of myself. I didn't buy into it for a long time cause I felt guilty - selfish. She was right, though. And so are you.

    Take care of yourself and your marriage.
     
  6. Loris

    Loris New Member

    Go, and have a great time! You are a great mother! They just want you to do their job!
     
  7. DazedandConfused

    DazedandConfused Active Member

    It's a tree/forest issue from where I sit.

    They are focused on a single tree, if you will.

    Your focus is the health of the forest. Yes, each tree is important, but that has to be balanced with the health of all.

    You take your weekend with husband. After all you have been through, especially the past few months, you owe no explanation.
     
  8. pepperidge

    pepperidge New Member

    As others have said they are focused on Wm, not on the whole family system.

    Why do you feel like dirt? Amazing how we let professionals guilt trip us, isn't it.

    It would be nice if the professionals who are treating our children would take into account that we mothers are human beings too with only so many internal resources that can be marshalled at any one time and that sometimes we need others to care for our children so that we can care for ourselves.

    Boy it makes me mad.
     
  9. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    "You will soon be back to the 24/7 parenting of a wonderful yet difficult difficult child. husband has needed a medication tweak and hospital stay. You just recently lost your job, followed by the death of your mother. You continue to be a family of different addresses with wm. Personally, I think having a weekend to reconnect and recharge with husband is possibly the best thing for everyone. It strengthens the entire family."


    Absolutely, 100%. I couldn't have put it any better!
    Good luck and {{cyberhugs.}}
     
  10. Fran

    Fran Former Site Owner

    <span style='font-size: 11pt'>Linda, you may never get 100% approval by everyone involved in your life because of the difficult children. My philosophy is I answer to myself, my God and my husband and not necessarily in that order. The rest of the world including difficult child's can get in line if they want to force their approval or disapproval on my head. I'm not that concerned. Do what you need to keep yourself healthy, stable and in touch with your mate. It's not like you are dumping kids for a party. It's not like you do it every weekend. This is definitely a basket C issue. in my humble opinion.</span>
     
  11. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Thanks ladies - I've had a serious case of the blues, of late. I'm beginning to second guess decisions I've made for my children; it's heartbreaking to look at what is & what could be.

    Ah well, this is life. Ups & downs; back & forth.

    husband & I plan a weekend of movie rentals, playing board games & cooking up together. husband is frantically searching for a job & I'm still trying to get my feet under me.

    It's okay to use respite when you have it available. It's okay to use.....mantra for today.

    Thanks for the cyber shoulder!
     
  12. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: wyntersgrace2</div><div class="ubbcode-body">You know you're a good mother when you feel like a horrible mother. Funny how that works. Us moms are masters at self-inflicted guilt when it comes to our kids.
    Take care of yourself and your marriage. </div></div>

    Ditto - go and relax.
     
  13. Janna

    Janna New Member

    Linda,

    I understand the 2nd guessing. been there done that, still there with difficult child 2.

    You are a great mother. You deserve the respite. Take it and run now while it's availble. If I had that opportunity, I'd snag it without a 2nd thought.

    Enjoy your time with husband.

    Janna
     
  14. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    guilt doesnt do anyone any good. be good to yourself so you can be even better to others.
     
  15. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    Shame on them. Honestly, making you feel bad is ridiculous and completely counter-productive.

    :grrr:Wish I could smack 'em upside the head for you, Linda. :grrr:

    Enjoy your weekend with husband. You need to build up your reserve for the coming weeks.

    Hugs,
    Suz
     
  16. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    It's okay to use respite when you have it available. It's okay to use.....mantra for today.

    And tomorrow, and the next day...
     
  17. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    Enjoy the time with your husband. Don't let anything or anyone get in the way of that. Hope you and husband have a good time.
     
  18. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    I plan on enjoying this weekend, since it appears we're going to be snowed in for the next 36 hours anyway.

    Thank you all!
     
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