Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
So why do we (or in this case I) miss abusive people? I don't get it.
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 627147" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>I think also when we start to change a lot the old ways become much less tolerable. The old patterns with longstanding relationships are much more noticeable. At first we try to tell ourselves we are being too judgmental and critical but over time if the dysfunction is pronounced enough the relationship changes irrevocably.</p><p></p><p>This has happened to me with multiple people over the past five years. First it happened with my dear friend and neighbor. Her boys grew up with my boys but as difficult child ramped up everything got crossways. I confided in her a lot and as time went on she would slip in comments from information from her sons about difficult child. Rumors and gossip. It was so painful. I was super sensitive too. Then difficult child stole from them. He refused to take the things back after I found them in my garage so I took it all back. That was very hard ---the whole thing---but they handled it very graciously. A lot of it was me but I had to distance myself and that was painful for her and for me too. Then they moved away. Very sad all around. We used to laugh a lot together. She was my crazy friend.</p><p></p><p>My sister and I love each other but we are very different. We do better from a distance. She is a big enabler of her kids----both still live at home at age 24 and 28. It is hard to watch and listen to now. She is very controlling and I have learned to let go a lot so I really notice that now. Of course I used to be the same way.</p><p></p><p>It is hard to love people but not be able to be around them much. One thing I am trying to do is to cultivate more friends in the recovery community of alanon because they get boundaries and respect already. </p><p></p><p>I think it is good to talk about this because airing it in the light of day heals us. Your sister's lashing back is clearly out of bounds. Can you plan your responses with her like you do with difficult child? That way your side of the street can stay much cleaner. Thanks MWM.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 627147, member: 17542"] I think also when we start to change a lot the old ways become much less tolerable. The old patterns with longstanding relationships are much more noticeable. At first we try to tell ourselves we are being too judgmental and critical but over time if the dysfunction is pronounced enough the relationship changes irrevocably. This has happened to me with multiple people over the past five years. First it happened with my dear friend and neighbor. Her boys grew up with my boys but as difficult child ramped up everything got crossways. I confided in her a lot and as time went on she would slip in comments from information from her sons about difficult child. Rumors and gossip. It was so painful. I was super sensitive too. Then difficult child stole from them. He refused to take the things back after I found them in my garage so I took it all back. That was very hard ---the whole thing---but they handled it very graciously. A lot of it was me but I had to distance myself and that was painful for her and for me too. Then they moved away. Very sad all around. We used to laugh a lot together. She was my crazy friend. My sister and I love each other but we are very different. We do better from a distance. She is a big enabler of her kids----both still live at home at age 24 and 28. It is hard to watch and listen to now. She is very controlling and I have learned to let go a lot so I really notice that now. Of course I used to be the same way. It is hard to love people but not be able to be around them much. One thing I am trying to do is to cultivate more friends in the recovery community of alanon because they get boundaries and respect already. I think it is good to talk about this because airing it in the light of day heals us. Your sister's lashing back is clearly out of bounds. Can you plan your responses with her like you do with difficult child? That way your side of the street can stay much cleaner. Thanks MWM. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
So why do we (or in this case I) miss abusive people? I don't get it.
Top