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Parent Emeritus
So why do we (or in this case I) miss abusive people? I don't get it.
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 627164" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>Ha!!!</p><p></p><p>I love the part about the car not starting!</p><p></p><p>:O)</p><p></p><p>******************</p><p></p><p>You go ahead and print out anything you need to, MWM. I have needed to go over and over and over again, the same, abusive stuff with my family, until I could see it for what it was. We are reteaching ourselves who we are, MWM. As we become more and more present, we begin to know how real, how precious, not only we are, but how truly unique and precious every living thing is. No one has the right to twist that gift, that life we were given and are living, into some stupid, ugly tool to help them feel better about who they are. If you can see it, MWM? What our abusive families are doing to us and to each other is the same kind of thinking that leads to racial prejudice, to criminal behavior on every level, and to war.</p><p></p><p>It sounds goofy, I know. But it is true. When we choose to dehumanize, when we choose to victimize...there is a small place in our hearts that knows what is happening is wrong. If we are weak? We follow the crowd. We do not stand up. We do not confront the powers at the top.</p><p></p><p>In a family, it is the parents who are the power at the top. Children only know the truths, only know how to make sense of the world, based on what they've been taught. We were taught by people who used their own innocent babies to prop themselves up. They wanted to be kings in the world, MWM. And so, they did whatever they needed to to shatter our senses of self and integrity and safety and hope. If one of us stands up in a family, we will be targeted and shot down. Just like if someone in an evil regime stands up to what is happening. They are targeted, lied about, presented as evil, and shot down to shut them up. If they were allowed to speak, freedom from the tyranny of the powerful dictator at the top might get to be a pretty popular idea.</p><p></p><p>And no tyrant can have that.</p><p></p><p>So...all the pain? All the days and years spent trying to love them enough, or trying to understand where we went wrong and how we might avoid hurting them again?</p><p></p><p>That was us, being decent people.</p><p></p><p>That is what normal people do.</p><p></p><p>But our families of origin are twisted. (Well, mine is.)</p><p></p><p>I am reading through my Patricia Evans on verbally abusive relationship with my family of origin in mind. It's been a real eye opener for me. </p><p></p><p>The book is: Verbally Abusive Relationship</p><p></p><p>It's written about marital relationship. But abuse is abuse is abuse. </p><p></p><p>I like it alot that you are healing and so strong now, MWM.</p><p></p><p>:O)</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 627164, member: 17461"] Ha!!! I love the part about the car not starting! :O) ****************** You go ahead and print out anything you need to, MWM. I have needed to go over and over and over again, the same, abusive stuff with my family, until I could see it for what it was. We are reteaching ourselves who we are, MWM. As we become more and more present, we begin to know how real, how precious, not only we are, but how truly unique and precious every living thing is. No one has the right to twist that gift, that life we were given and are living, into some stupid, ugly tool to help them feel better about who they are. If you can see it, MWM? What our abusive families are doing to us and to each other is the same kind of thinking that leads to racial prejudice, to criminal behavior on every level, and to war. It sounds goofy, I know. But it is true. When we choose to dehumanize, when we choose to victimize...there is a small place in our hearts that knows what is happening is wrong. If we are weak? We follow the crowd. We do not stand up. We do not confront the powers at the top. In a family, it is the parents who are the power at the top. Children only know the truths, only know how to make sense of the world, based on what they've been taught. We were taught by people who used their own innocent babies to prop themselves up. They wanted to be kings in the world, MWM. And so, they did whatever they needed to to shatter our senses of self and integrity and safety and hope. If one of us stands up in a family, we will be targeted and shot down. Just like if someone in an evil regime stands up to what is happening. They are targeted, lied about, presented as evil, and shot down to shut them up. If they were allowed to speak, freedom from the tyranny of the powerful dictator at the top might get to be a pretty popular idea. And no tyrant can have that. So...all the pain? All the days and years spent trying to love them enough, or trying to understand where we went wrong and how we might avoid hurting them again? That was us, being decent people. That is what normal people do. But our families of origin are twisted. (Well, mine is.) I am reading through my Patricia Evans on verbally abusive relationship with my family of origin in mind. It's been a real eye opener for me. The book is: Verbally Abusive Relationship It's written about marital relationship. But abuse is abuse is abuse. I like it alot that you are healing and so strong now, MWM. :O) Cedar [/QUOTE]
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So why do we (or in this case I) miss abusive people? I don't get it.
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