My son has been difficult - aggressive, negative, purposefully bothering, since I can remember. He is a twin and his twin sister has some medical issues. I had postpartum depression pretty bad after they were born and I often feel horribly guilty about what I may have missed giving the kids in those important first years due to this depression. I do know that we gave a lot of attention to our daughter when she was first diagnosed with her medical issues and I've always wondered if this is what started things for my son. From the age of 10 months old, I can remember him hitting his sister constantly. He seemed to be wanting attention, even if it was bad attention, and I guess hitting was the quickest way to get us to focus on him. At the same time, I know that I never neglected my son, I've always loved and shown him affection and have always given him positive feedback about himself. But what has us so stumped is his behavior, which has stayed consistent over time. It is so negative! He purposefully bothers people. He is defensive and hostile quite often. When we put him in any kind of recreational class, the first day he's there, he will almost always pick a boy from the class and be hitting/punching him by the end of the first class. He is still not potty trained on poop. We have been trying to take care of this issue for 2 years now, have tried every book and suggestion, have even taken him to a gastroenterologist, but he still poops his pants numerous times a day. It seems to be all about control for him -- he tries to hold it in and does NOT want to be told to go and sit on the toilet (he hits us and throws things at us when we just ask him to go and sit to poop). He does many bothering things and seems to enjoy seeing a negative reaction (my hsband and I try desperately not to give a big explosive negative reaction so as not to reinforce this negative attention, but boy, he will do almost anything to see us get upset, it seems...too many examples to list. I know I have lost my temper with him despite my best efforts (always verbal, never physical). He has pooped in his room before as well as peed in it on purpose (sort of like telling us off, I think). He got consequences for this and thankfully hasn't done it again, but we've heard him try to get playmate to "pee in our side yard" things like that. He has trouble having any friends -- is easily angered and will tell children off, gets too aggressive. He still pushes and pinches and knocks over his twin sister each day although flat out hitting her has mostly stopped. But she says almost daily how much she dislikes him. My husband has lost his temper with his behavior so often and has gripped him by the arm roughly, glared at him -- things like this (never has done any hitting, however). This upsets me to have my son treated this way, and I talk to my husband every day about trying to remain calm, but I can't control him. I know my son feels bad about himself and this breaks my heart. The other day after he had been reprimanded again for purposefully doing thigns he was asked not to, he said "I wish I was dead!" My heart fell. A 5-year old wishes he was dead! It was awful. He's also said "no one likes me" and the truth is, he does not really have friends I think because of how aggressive and negative he is. I know we have told him over and over that we love him, we have shown him so much love, we have invested so much time trying to do the right things and his behaviors just continue. With me, if I am holding him to give him a hug, he might head butt me in the nose or pinch me or do something to hurt me physically. If asked to stop doing something he's not supposed to do, he does it twice as much. We held him back from kindergarten this year hoping that we could help him with behavior this year, but I don't see things getting better. I should add, however, that he does have wonderful qualities too. He is very sweet with young children and can show genuine compassion to someone who might have a problem. He seems very bright in certain ways -- likes to build things with his imagination, always wants to make things. But his overall negative behavior and outlook have me so worried. I'm so concerned he will continue to have no friends, that he will continue on this path of constant negative and oppositional behavior and I am at my wits end on what to do. I haven't even included even half of the examples of his upsetting behavior, even in this lengthy message, I've just scratched the surface. After reading the description, I think he could be considered to have ODD, but unbelievably, I can't find a pediatric psychiatrist who specializes in ODD and I live in the Bay Area (near San Jose, CA). I have spent hours trying to find someone locally that we could take him to (I don't want to just take him to a random psychiatrist or psychologist, I want someone who really knows ODD behavior and cares about kids like this). I am desperate to help him. I feel like the path he's on is such a bad one and is so filled with unhappiness and I am heartbroken over it. He's a beautiful, lovely boy in so many ways. We just need help, I have spent so many sleepless nights worrying about him and what we can do to help him.