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Social difficulties/loner by choice--what do you do?
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<blockquote data-quote="confuzzled" data-source="post: 468133" data-attributes="member: 8831"><p>for insane: (LONG)</p><p> </p><p>ummm...good question.</p><p></p><p>honestly? </p><p></p><p>didnt see it. even at 10. </p><p></p><p>it was the school who forced my hand to hospitalize her (trauma #3)... because they felt she was having auditory hallucinations...to this day, i <em>still</em> dont know that it was the right thing to do, or if that was even close to what was going on, other than she was in need of some kind of services. we were at the mercy of an overzealous school psychiatrist--who, at the time, would not admit that there was a correlation between what was happening and school (it wasnt abuse, it was a combination of GIGANTIC stressors, and it affected several of them--mine was just the most affected). i cant stress the overzealous part enough--as time went on, such lunacy came out of her mouth that someone probably should have committed <em>her</em>. but i trusted her, had no real reason at the time to not believe her...and my difficult child 2 paid the price, heavily.</p><p></p><p>hindsight is 20/20.</p><p></p><p>now, even at 12, even with the isolation issues, even after all thats happened, dont see it. </p><p></p><p>what i saw before? queen of her universe, everything came easily to her, confident, smart--made life look effortless. some mild behavioral issues---*we* did some stupid school things in retrospect...pushing her three years up in reading (reads/comprehends on a college level), not thinking about the fact that there was nowhere to go afterward and having to put her back to her age related class, VERY active--she never stopped. physically or mentally. she also is a nice kid--not a mean bone in her body...to this day, people are very drawn to her.</p><p></p><p>what i see now is a very bright kid on the quirky side (again, anime vs the beibster), hugely talented in all the facets of the arts, with some boredom issues and some frustration issues. i see someone who doesnt handle stress at that well, with seemingly little ability for self talk. she's has a very negative self image these days. she has zero self confidence. i see someone who was pretty shaped by their homelife and life with a seriously disabled sibling. i also see someone who has hugely benefitted from a classic, organized, standard curriculum in which you master (actually, are just taught) pre-requisites before moving on....its been life changing for her right now....i see a slow comeback of a trickle of the old self confidence. </p><p></p><p>what we<em> know </em>now is that she has some executive function issues, some fine motor issues, huge boredom issues, quickly processes everything, slower to output things (fine motor related) depression/anxiety issues, vitamin deficiency issues, hormonal issues, definite cognitive dulling and short term memory issues thanks to abilify and probably more that i've forgot. She herself complains regularly of being "less creative", and i believe her. we also think there are some underlying attentional issues that have always been present--to date, we assumed they were a sx, not a stand-alone. we are strongly considering revisiting it after we wean off abilify since, if it was a sx, it should really have disappeared by now.</p><p></p><p>no problems with transistion. no problems with communication. no obvious social blunders/ineptness on the whole...she comes off maybe a bit aloof, which seemingly reads as "cool" in some alternative teen universe. no real obsessions--i wouldnt even call anime more than an interest. i also find there is some truth in the idea that kids are great equalizers...i cant imagine, at this age, if there was a blatant issue, that kids would continue to seek her out. (they are too old to "mother", at this point, they just cant be bothered and would ignore vs engage)</p><p></p><p>i've had her evaluation'd by an army of professionals. currently waiting on the most recent np written report in which they rule out spectrum stuff (adamantly). we also rule out Central Auditory Processing Disorder (CAPD).</p><p></p><p>it ain't my first rodeo either. if anything, i have to force myself to look for the typical teen vs assuming sx's...i tend to assume there is an issue when sometimes there just isnt.</p><p></p><p>i also know that, in her mind, frustration/meltdowns are directly related to "i told someone i couldnt/wouldnt/unable and they made me anyway"...particularly related to school issues. in her mind, self-advocacy=stopping of whatever annoying thing they are trying to make me do (write the umpteenth 2 page essay, do 150 math problems, etc)....not we will find a different way to do it--it should just cease.</p><p></p><p>which is most likely the reason this playdate spiralled out of control...she did say she wanted her to go home so she could be alone, and we didnt "hear" her.</p><p></p><p>its a recurrent theme for her.</p><p></p><p>she might have a few toes in the ultra-violet, but she's not.even.close to a frank presentation.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="confuzzled, post: 468133, member: 8831"] for insane: (LONG) ummm...good question. honestly? didnt see it. even at 10. it was the school who forced my hand to hospitalize her (trauma #3)... because they felt she was having auditory hallucinations...to this day, i [I]still[/I] dont know that it was the right thing to do, or if that was even close to what was going on, other than she was in need of some kind of services. we were at the mercy of an overzealous school psychiatrist--who, at the time, would not admit that there was a correlation between what was happening and school (it wasnt abuse, it was a combination of GIGANTIC stressors, and it affected several of them--mine was just the most affected). i cant stress the overzealous part enough--as time went on, such lunacy came out of her mouth that someone probably should have committed [I]her[/I]. but i trusted her, had no real reason at the time to not believe her...and my difficult child 2 paid the price, heavily. hindsight is 20/20. now, even at 12, even with the isolation issues, even after all thats happened, dont see it. what i saw before? queen of her universe, everything came easily to her, confident, smart--made life look effortless. some mild behavioral issues---*we* did some stupid school things in retrospect...pushing her three years up in reading (reads/comprehends on a college level), not thinking about the fact that there was nowhere to go afterward and having to put her back to her age related class, VERY active--she never stopped. physically or mentally. she also is a nice kid--not a mean bone in her body...to this day, people are very drawn to her. what i see now is a very bright kid on the quirky side (again, anime vs the beibster), hugely talented in all the facets of the arts, with some boredom issues and some frustration issues. i see someone who doesnt handle stress at that well, with seemingly little ability for self talk. she's has a very negative self image these days. she has zero self confidence. i see someone who was pretty shaped by their homelife and life with a seriously disabled sibling. i also see someone who has hugely benefitted from a classic, organized, standard curriculum in which you master (actually, are just taught) pre-requisites before moving on....its been life changing for her right now....i see a slow comeback of a trickle of the old self confidence. what we[I] know [/I]now is that she has some executive function issues, some fine motor issues, huge boredom issues, quickly processes everything, slower to output things (fine motor related) depression/anxiety issues, vitamin deficiency issues, hormonal issues, definite cognitive dulling and short term memory issues thanks to abilify and probably more that i've forgot. She herself complains regularly of being "less creative", and i believe her. we also think there are some underlying attentional issues that have always been present--to date, we assumed they were a sx, not a stand-alone. we are strongly considering revisiting it after we wean off abilify since, if it was a sx, it should really have disappeared by now. no problems with transistion. no problems with communication. no obvious social blunders/ineptness on the whole...she comes off maybe a bit aloof, which seemingly reads as "cool" in some alternative teen universe. no real obsessions--i wouldnt even call anime more than an interest. i also find there is some truth in the idea that kids are great equalizers...i cant imagine, at this age, if there was a blatant issue, that kids would continue to seek her out. (they are too old to "mother", at this point, they just cant be bothered and would ignore vs engage) i've had her evaluation'd by an army of professionals. currently waiting on the most recent np written report in which they rule out spectrum stuff (adamantly). we also rule out Central Auditory Processing Disorder (CAPD). it ain't my first rodeo either. if anything, i have to force myself to look for the typical teen vs assuming sx's...i tend to assume there is an issue when sometimes there just isnt. i also know that, in her mind, frustration/meltdowns are directly related to "i told someone i couldnt/wouldnt/unable and they made me anyway"...particularly related to school issues. in her mind, self-advocacy=stopping of whatever annoying thing they are trying to make me do (write the umpteenth 2 page essay, do 150 math problems, etc)....not we will find a different way to do it--it should just cease. which is most likely the reason this playdate spiralled out of control...she did say she wanted her to go home so she could be alone, and we didnt "hear" her. its a recurrent theme for her. she might have a few toes in the ultra-violet, but she's not.even.close to a frank presentation. [/QUOTE]
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