Social security for child

[ThreeShadows]

We are older parents and 17 y.o. difficult child 3 has started getting a ssi check. We were told that this is to ensure that she stay in HS. She is under the impression that she can just bank the entire amount for her own purposes. We have just the recipients of her fury. We tried to explain that this is meant for her upkeep.

Can anyone here tell me what the ssi rules are about the use of this money and how this must be documented? She is refusing to go to the ssi office to have them explain it all to her in person. I'm so sick of her verbal outbursts, I can't wait until she is 18.

 

[recoveringenabler]

You can to on the Soc. Sec. website. The checks should be made out to you as the payee in her behalf, the checks are for the payee to take care of the needs of the child. SS will send you a statement for the year asking how the money was spent. That info should be on their website as well. Isn't she receiving the check because your husband or you is retired, isn't it a result of your own Social Security benefits and having a young child? These benefits are for her needs NOT for her pleasure. And, the checks will stop at 18 or when she graduates from HS.

 

[ThreeShadows]

Thank you, RE, for your prompt response. I'm on the ssa site now, trying to understand some vague statements such as "using your judgement" about certain needs and expenses. How do they define "recreation"? She is accusing us of not wanting to spend our own money on her. UGH! I spent an entire year on the phone trying to get a child from an orphanage, was stranded in Russia in a dump for 21 days, with all the insane paper work that a totalitarian government can create to make foreign adopters miserable, and this young lady treats us like American thieves! I've been practicing detachment since she was 12. She used to break my heart. This is really HER loss. I thought everyone needed a mom and a family, apparently I was wrong. This is so sad.

 

[AnnieO]

3S, Onyxx acted the same way. We told her to get over herself... We paid thousands in court fees and other stuff for her and her brother... Yeah, not going there. difficult child 3 can shut up... it is NOT for her pleasure. Well... it's pleasant not to starve, but...

 

[InsaneCdn]

We're not in the US, but... for argument, here: in general, if you have to account for funds, "recreation" has to be formal activity with a purpose, which also includes a social component. So... team sports qualify, individual sports may not - but dance lessons also qualify, as would an art class. Music lessons... require some proof of association to social interaction, so a community band might qualify where private piano lessons may not. Going camping with family is just a vacation - going to summer camp would be recreation. Going to the movies is not recreation - it is a social outing, but not "with purpose". That's the mindset here, anyway.

 

[Hound dog]

3S if necessary, you are even allowed to use her SS funds to cover household bills. It is to help you cope with the extra expenses incurred with raising a special needs child, not for that child's allowance type deal.

BFF listed bills, clothing, medications, food, ect for hers. It wasn't too difficult if she and Katie can manage it.

 

[DammitJanet]

Its rather easy. Figure out that she needs to pay her portion of housing expenses, then figure out her clothing allowance, add in any food she eats even if at school or out with her friends. Personally I would give her a weekly allowance or put it on one of those student visa prepaid cards. No more than a little each week..

There are three of you in the house right? divide major household bills by 3 and charge her that for rent.

 

[KTMom91]

Miss KT was about that age when she decided the child support was for her to spend as she saw fit. I showed what her third of the household expenses were and how much more she would owe me, and she toned it down pretty quickly after that.

 

[BusynMember]

My son got SSI when I started getting SSDI. So did Jumper actually. I never gave them access to the money. We used it for house expenses. We sort of pooled all of it. They never thought to ask for it. When Sonic moves out next year, then he gets SSDI which is HIS money and there are strict rules about how I, as his payee, spends his money and lots of receipts to keep etc. But while they live in your house, it is your business how you spend your money and the form is very basic.

Many older adopted kids from overseas did not get any nurturing at the vulnerable times when they most needed it and decide that they will take care of #1 and that they won't depend on other people and they really DON'T want a family. I had two older adopted kids who had attachment disorder. I always urge anyone who asks me about adoption to adopt infants, as young as possible. They get damaged if they are not with one caregiver from very early on. You can't help all kids. Some are too damaged by the time you get them...it is not your fault. A bunch of us adopted older children from Hong Kong and out of all I know (and there were a lot of us) only one child is doing well in his family as an adult. Some are even AWOL.

 

[ThreeShadows]

MWM, we adopted her when she was 9 mos old. She is not special needs, we had no idea that she would get ss payments when husband applied. I told him not to accept it, we don't need it, but he said the gvt would just use the $$$ to buy an other weapon.

 

[DammitJanet]

Oh this is straight social security. I think there is less oversight on that. It is expected that money will go to help support the child because the parent is now retired, therefore getting less income.

I was at the social security place one day and overheard a worker telling some mouthy difficult child that the parents had the right to decide how that money was spent. He was underage and wasnt old enough to make those types of decisions.

 

[ctmom05]

Good morning,

You got some practical information here, from folks who have been there and done that. Another thought is to list your question, ahead of time, and take them to your local Social Security office - ask them & jot down the answers as you go along. You may need an appointment.

 

[ThreeShadows]

Thank you all.

 

[BusynMember]

Hmmmmm. That's really odd. We got an adoption subsidy for our son, but we adopted him out of the US foster care system. We did adopt a child from Korea and one from Hong Kong and never applied nor got any payments. I'm thinking it's unrelated to adoption. Are one of you retired or getting social security? I'm an older parent too. My youngest is 17 and I'm going to be 60 (That is just trivia)

by the way, 60 is the new 49!!!!! Yay!

 

[susiestar]

MWM, this isn't an adoption subsidy. One parent is getting social security because their age and because they have a child under 18 they get a check 'for' that child also. This is NOT a payment for the child to spend as she likes, but rather it is money to help pay for the child's upkeep so that the child can stay in school instead of having to find full time employment. It is NOT all for fun spending or the child's choice. It is designed to help the child be ABLE to stay in school by helping pay household bills (the child's share is how it is seen, meaning divide hte rent, utilities, etc... by the number of people in the home and then that is the child's 'share' of the bills) so that the child does not have to find a job to go to rather than school.

Tell the child who is having a fit over this that she isn't an adult and doesn't make the rules and the rules say it is for household expenses and NOT for her to spend as she wants. Because it is NOT coming to her and she cannot spend it how she likes. As the PARENT it is up to YOU to spend it on her behalf and those ARE the rules. I helped one of J's friends understand this when she was a young teen. Her gma and gpa were retired and raising her and her bro and sis and she couldn't grasp why she didn't get the $$ to spend as she lked. She has Fetal Alcohol Effects (FAE) and that swiss cheese memory thing and it is truly very hard for her to remember things like this and it is hard to live in "groundhog day' to use the movie reference. So she asked me because her Gma was getting very upset because the girl was having tantrums over this money. I sat down and showed her the things it was to pay for - and how much it was likely that her folks were paying because their home was bigger and less energy efficient than ours so I used our bills. By not being her parents, she was not angry while asking the questions and she was able to listen, understand and remember what I said more, so ti solved some HUGE issues for her parents during an overnight at our house. This girl does not sleep (mom is an addict and used every drug she could esp meth and booze while preg and it cause severe issues for her bright, beautiful daughter - most people see the daughter as stupid but she is NOT, she just cannot use it in typical ways because the Fetal Alcohol Effects (FAE)) so during sleepovers I stayed up all night. Otherwise she got bored and it could be difficult for her in a strange house. Plus I LIKE the girl and enjoy her, so we would use that time to talk alone. She took a lot of problems to me then, because other than her gparents, she didn't have a lot of people she could talk to. We bonded, and she hasn't forgotten it.

Explaining that the money is so that she does not have to get a full time job to pay for the rent and utilities may make this go a lot easier because it will be memorable and ti sort of moves things out of 'kid' responsibilities. Esp if you make the difficult child believe that if she takes this $ from you by stealing from a purse or wallet or taking the bank card info, then she has to get a job to pay her 'share' of the household bills. Kids do NOT think they need to pay those, so making her think that she will have to can be a shock that is memorable.

 

[BusynMember]

Sus, yup. That's what I was trying to say. Social Security payments when parents are retired and they still have a minor child is for the parents, not the child. I know it's not an adoption subsidy. You only get one if you adopted a special needs child OUT OF FOSTER CARE IIN THE UNITED STATES. Even if you adopt a special needs child from Russia or Korea you don't get a subsidy. You also don't get one if you do a private U.S. adoption.