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General Parenting
Some non-critical advice wanted
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<blockquote data-quote="Malika" data-source="post: 419942" data-attributes="member: 11227"><p>I think no-one here is going to criticise you or put you down... Everyone understands how hard it is at times.</p><p>When you said you have a child living in your home, is he your son and it was just a way of expressing it? I think you meant that the therapist says that the masturbating is normal, right? I can understand why a therapist would say that, so as not to create some kind of complex in the child, and it is normal within limits but I agree that it must be explained that it is not appropriate in public. </p><p>But this sounds like it is the least of your problems... you are sounding really at the end of your tolerance and stress limits. For your child to be helped in any way you need to be helped to get some of your calm and strength back... I would imagine that it is very important for you to have a break from your child occasionally, as some kind of starting point. I do understand about the difficulties of getting a sitter for him. What about school, or pre-school as you probably call it in the States? Why does he not go or has he gone in the past and it hasn't worked out?</p><p>I have been helped by a book called "The Explosive Child" which people recommended here. What I had to learn in dealing with my own son, and you may realise this already, is that the usual parenting techniques do not work at all or very well with such children. There are techniques that work better. I am no expert in the matter and would like to leave it to others to go more into this. I totally recognise the cycle you describe of feeling negative about your son because of his behaviour; I cannot at all know if this is operating in your case but in mine my critical, negative, angry attitude was (I did not realise at the time) making him much worse. Since our relationship has improved, his behaviour has improved - partly this happened through my reclaiming my love for him, as it were, and giving him lots of affection and praise. I just offer this as a possibility - I do not know if it speaks to you.</p><p>I hope others will offer good advice.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Malika, post: 419942, member: 11227"] I think no-one here is going to criticise you or put you down... Everyone understands how hard it is at times. When you said you have a child living in your home, is he your son and it was just a way of expressing it? I think you meant that the therapist says that the masturbating is normal, right? I can understand why a therapist would say that, so as not to create some kind of complex in the child, and it is normal within limits but I agree that it must be explained that it is not appropriate in public. But this sounds like it is the least of your problems... you are sounding really at the end of your tolerance and stress limits. For your child to be helped in any way you need to be helped to get some of your calm and strength back... I would imagine that it is very important for you to have a break from your child occasionally, as some kind of starting point. I do understand about the difficulties of getting a sitter for him. What about school, or pre-school as you probably call it in the States? Why does he not go or has he gone in the past and it hasn't worked out? I have been helped by a book called "The Explosive Child" which people recommended here. What I had to learn in dealing with my own son, and you may realise this already, is that the usual parenting techniques do not work at all or very well with such children. There are techniques that work better. I am no expert in the matter and would like to leave it to others to go more into this. I totally recognise the cycle you describe of feeling negative about your son because of his behaviour; I cannot at all know if this is operating in your case but in mine my critical, negative, angry attitude was (I did not realise at the time) making him much worse. Since our relationship has improved, his behaviour has improved - partly this happened through my reclaiming my love for him, as it were, and giving him lots of affection and praise. I just offer this as a possibility - I do not know if it speaks to you. I hope others will offer good advice. [/QUOTE]
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