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Some non-critical advice wanted
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 419973" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Welcome and ((((((((((HUGS))))))))))!!!</p><p> </p><p>This board is the best resource you could find for yourself and for all of your kids!!! No one here is going to judge you harshly or criticize you - just not our way. We ALL have been in similar places to where you are. I am sorry that you have had criticism and harsh judgement regarding your parenting of this little boy. Personally, I think that every person who judges our parenting of a difficult child needs to take that child for at least 24 hrs with NO help from anyone else to get a teensy look at what you are handling all day every day!!!nnEven if the difficult child behaved like an angel for them it would at least give the Mom a break!</p><p> </p><p>You are in such a rough situation, my heart goes out to the whole family. I have been there done that with no one who could watch my child, but at least I had a spouse who could be left alone with the kids so I could keep at least a tenuous grasp on my sanity. I am not sure where you live, but if you are in the US you may want to contact Head Start at the local elementary school. The school can give you info on Head Start and where to find them if that isn't the right place. Regardless of your income, Head Start can provide early intervention services and at least keep him during the day so you get a break from him. It would also give your younger children a chance for some Mommy time with-o him. Many kids benefit from this if it is possible. it isn't always realistic for this to be possible, I do understand that.</p><p> </p><p>I totally get how embarrassing it is to have him out in public, yet it isn't possible to not take him in public. The Explosive Child will likely be a big help. He also needs complete evaluation and I think your therapist has lost her mind. No way is this normal. Not to the extremes that he does it. Who on earth would tell you that it is normal for a child to eat feces??? Maybe she needs to take him home for a couple of weeks to regain her hold on reality, Know what I mean??? Little kids do masturbate, but usually it is something you can redirect and they can learn to do it in private. This can be a sign of early onset bipolar disorder, as hypersexuality is a symptom of that disorder. there are also many things that could be a form of autism, and not learning things could also be a sign of fetal alcohol exposure/syndrome. </p><p> </p><p>Is this little boy your son? Or a child that you have custody of some other way? Why doesn't his father take him some of the time? Is the father refusing or are there signs taht he has hurt the child or would hurt him? Or is he just not in the picture? Either way, I admire the fact that you are not in a psychiatric hospital somewhere in a catatonic state after all the stress and the demands of taking care of not just this demanding, difficult child but also doing such a great job with your other 3 kids when you have no breaks or real help with the difficult child. I truly mean this, it isn't said with any sarcasm at all. I know that I couldn't handle it.</p><p> </p><p>there are some pretty big reasons to start looking to head start, the father, a good therapist, any other source for help. You truly cannot keep this up until he is an adult. Quite a few of us have had our bodies give out under the strain you are enduring. One member had a stroke, another has had heart problems, I have had my body just decide to quit and to destroy itself. For years I tried to handle it all. Be the room mom, the one who had it all under control at home, did all the appts and therapies, and finally my body just couldn't handle it any more. I really don't want to see another Mom goe through that - it has been an exceptionally painful process physically and emotionally. IF there is a dad who is in the picture, it is time to start making some demands. You also may need to approach social services, the school system and other groups for help. there are support groups in many cities for various disorders, esp autism. NAMI is also a good place to network and find info and resources. You can google them and try to find what they offer in your area.</p><p> </p><p>The school system cannot tell you that they can't help. THey are mandated by federal law to provide services for ALL children. While private schools may have a much better reputation in many areas, they do NOT have to provide for students who don't fit the "normal" that they handle. Public schools must provide services and education for every single child. The rules is that they must provide FAPE in the LRE - free and appropriate public education in the least restrictive environment. Your son will need the school to evaluate him and most likely he will be eligible for an IEP - individualized educational plan that provides supports and accommodations and various therapies that are specific to his needs. This can all start as early as age 3 with Head Start. If they try to tell you he cannot be enrolled or they cannot make accommodations, they are lying. Usually head start doesn't do this, but I have known schools who did. If that happens, post here about it and you will get responses that help you go through all the steps to make the school do what they are supposed to.</p><p> </p><p>I am so sorry that life is so hard right now. Being a Mom is a tough gig, but being a Mom to a difficult child is vastly more difficult and draining. I hope you find a warm, welcoming place full of support here, a refuge from the shame and blame that real life can dish out so wrongly and unfairly. NONE of your little boy's problems are your fault in anyway or are caused by your parenting. Anyone who tells you otherwise is mistaken, wrong or just being awful. THIS community understands the ugly realities of difficult child raising, and we are glad to get to know you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 419973, member: 1233"] Welcome and ((((((((((HUGS))))))))))!!! This board is the best resource you could find for yourself and for all of your kids!!! No one here is going to judge you harshly or criticize you - just not our way. We ALL have been in similar places to where you are. I am sorry that you have had criticism and harsh judgement regarding your parenting of this little boy. Personally, I think that every person who judges our parenting of a difficult child needs to take that child for at least 24 hrs with NO help from anyone else to get a teensy look at what you are handling all day every day!!!nnEven if the difficult child behaved like an angel for them it would at least give the Mom a break! You are in such a rough situation, my heart goes out to the whole family. I have been there done that with no one who could watch my child, but at least I had a spouse who could be left alone with the kids so I could keep at least a tenuous grasp on my sanity. I am not sure where you live, but if you are in the US you may want to contact Head Start at the local elementary school. The school can give you info on Head Start and where to find them if that isn't the right place. Regardless of your income, Head Start can provide early intervention services and at least keep him during the day so you get a break from him. It would also give your younger children a chance for some Mommy time with-o him. Many kids benefit from this if it is possible. it isn't always realistic for this to be possible, I do understand that. I totally get how embarrassing it is to have him out in public, yet it isn't possible to not take him in public. The Explosive Child will likely be a big help. He also needs complete evaluation and I think your therapist has lost her mind. No way is this normal. Not to the extremes that he does it. Who on earth would tell you that it is normal for a child to eat feces??? Maybe she needs to take him home for a couple of weeks to regain her hold on reality, Know what I mean??? Little kids do masturbate, but usually it is something you can redirect and they can learn to do it in private. This can be a sign of early onset bipolar disorder, as hypersexuality is a symptom of that disorder. there are also many things that could be a form of autism, and not learning things could also be a sign of fetal alcohol exposure/syndrome. Is this little boy your son? Or a child that you have custody of some other way? Why doesn't his father take him some of the time? Is the father refusing or are there signs taht he has hurt the child or would hurt him? Or is he just not in the picture? Either way, I admire the fact that you are not in a psychiatric hospital somewhere in a catatonic state after all the stress and the demands of taking care of not just this demanding, difficult child but also doing such a great job with your other 3 kids when you have no breaks or real help with the difficult child. I truly mean this, it isn't said with any sarcasm at all. I know that I couldn't handle it. there are some pretty big reasons to start looking to head start, the father, a good therapist, any other source for help. You truly cannot keep this up until he is an adult. Quite a few of us have had our bodies give out under the strain you are enduring. One member had a stroke, another has had heart problems, I have had my body just decide to quit and to destroy itself. For years I tried to handle it all. Be the room mom, the one who had it all under control at home, did all the appts and therapies, and finally my body just couldn't handle it any more. I really don't want to see another Mom goe through that - it has been an exceptionally painful process physically and emotionally. IF there is a dad who is in the picture, it is time to start making some demands. You also may need to approach social services, the school system and other groups for help. there are support groups in many cities for various disorders, esp autism. NAMI is also a good place to network and find info and resources. You can google them and try to find what they offer in your area. The school system cannot tell you that they can't help. THey are mandated by federal law to provide services for ALL children. While private schools may have a much better reputation in many areas, they do NOT have to provide for students who don't fit the "normal" that they handle. Public schools must provide services and education for every single child. The rules is that they must provide FAPE in the LRE - free and appropriate public education in the least restrictive environment. Your son will need the school to evaluate him and most likely he will be eligible for an IEP - individualized educational plan that provides supports and accommodations and various therapies that are specific to his needs. This can all start as early as age 3 with Head Start. If they try to tell you he cannot be enrolled or they cannot make accommodations, they are lying. Usually head start doesn't do this, but I have known schools who did. If that happens, post here about it and you will get responses that help you go through all the steps to make the school do what they are supposed to. I am so sorry that life is so hard right now. Being a Mom is a tough gig, but being a Mom to a difficult child is vastly more difficult and draining. I hope you find a warm, welcoming place full of support here, a refuge from the shame and blame that real life can dish out so wrongly and unfairly. NONE of your little boy's problems are your fault in anyway or are caused by your parenting. Anyone who tells you otherwise is mistaken, wrong or just being awful. THIS community understands the ugly realities of difficult child raising, and we are glad to get to know you. [/QUOTE]
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