Some opinions don't change...

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by KTMom91, Dec 13, 2009.

  1. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Over the past ten years, mother in law has "sympathized" with me about Miss KT's behaviors, and then tells me what I "should" be doing. Right...if it was that easy...but you all know that. Consequently, I don't like to go over there unless the whole family is gathering, because then I don't hear how I need to be more this, or less that. She works for an agency here in town that specializes in helping children with disabilities, so I couldn't understand why she didn't get that this is a disability, you just can't see it. But I have continued to explain that Miss KT just doesn't catch those social cues that others do, etc. and we're doing our best. I thought the subject was finally closed.

    We stopped by yesterday, and Hubby's niece (the favorite grandchild, age 25) was there. mother in law asked about our trip to see the college, and then...it started. Miss KT really needs to be on her own, I wouldn't tolerate her disrespect, you just need to be firmer with her, there's a shelter in town...and then the niece started in. Well, I was a bad teenager, too, and when my parents made me move out, I learned all this, you should make her pay rent, it's too easy for her...I just looked at Hubby and blocked them out as best as I could. He told his mom to stop discussing Miss KT, that we're taking care of it.

    I know I'm lucky that I don't have the issues that some of you ladies do. I know I'm lucky that she isn't strung out or in jail or worse. I know I'm lucky that she graduated high school and started college. I also know that she sees the world differently than others do, and that this difference will make her life considerably more difficult. I've long suspected there is more than ADHD going on with her, but she doesn't fit any criteria well enough for me to figure it out. I guess I've started mourning all over again for the life she could have had, if not for...
     
  2. ML

    ML Guest

    Oh for goodness sakes I don't blame you for not wanting to go over there. I know it's hard but try to embrace the great things about who she is and the life she has. No matter how long we're in Holland, the thoughts of "what if we had landed in our intended destination" never go away completely. Ms. KT is barely an adult yet and our kids take longer to mature. I think you're doing the best you can and I hope you can tune out their well meaning ignorance. Hugs.
     
  3. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I would be sorely tempted to ask her how much input she let her mother in law have in the raising of her children.
     
  4. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I like Witz's idea!

    Seriously, I think you already know- family can really stir up the most painful s***.
     
  5. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    It took many years, but I am fortunate that my family gets it now.

    I really used to take offense and go on the defense when people try to tell me what I should try or do differently.

    I feel for ya!
     
  6. SophiaMaria

    SophiaMaria New Member

    I'm sorry your visits are so rough. Despite the fact people think they know it all, they reallllllly don't.
    If anyone offers advice cause i was venting i just thank them, say it sounds like a good idea. If they are persistant, and really getting on my nerves i tell them they can borrow him for a week then be judgemental.
     
  7. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Sending hugs your way-I definitely understand how you feel.
     
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