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<blockquote data-quote="Malika" data-source="post: 475145" data-attributes="member: 11227"><p>klmno, I'm afraid that "sending to his room" does not work with J. I had a period - feels like years ago, but actually it was less than one year ago, at the time I started coming to the forum - when I was attempting to do that. He would go crazy - raging, throwing things about in his room, slamming the door, screaming, getting hysterical. Have never seen anything like it before or since. So, after reading and researching, I just stopped trying to do it. Any kind of "punishment" seems to have exactly the same effect. Both at school and out of it, he is now punished less because people seem to have accepted that it just doesn't work with him and he is also not being deliberately turbulent or naughty much of the time. He does get upset when I get cross with him, it seems to make some sort of difference but I do not impose consequences on him. I work much more in the way that all the books talk about for ADHD kids - by positive reinforcement rather than punishment. This DEFINITELY works. He loves to get gold stars, he loves being praised and told he has done well - these modify his behaviour much more than being punished. Of course it's not ideal in that he is not learning that actions have consequences but I do TALK to him about consequences - eg if he doesn't want to share toys or if he is rude to other children, they won't want to play with him, which is literally true and which he can see happening for himself. </p><p>Buddy, yes, it is interesting about the structure. His teacher tells me he is good as gold during class, doing all the activities quietly and attentively. I have had some quandary about whether he would be best off in a conventional or an alternative school but for the moment the highly structured conventional system seems to be suiting him well. I don't know whether that will continue in the sense that the curriculum gets very boring here from age 6 and he is a bright boy with lots of creativity, so don't know how he will/would fare within that...</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Malika, post: 475145, member: 11227"] klmno, I'm afraid that "sending to his room" does not work with J. I had a period - feels like years ago, but actually it was less than one year ago, at the time I started coming to the forum - when I was attempting to do that. He would go crazy - raging, throwing things about in his room, slamming the door, screaming, getting hysterical. Have never seen anything like it before or since. So, after reading and researching, I just stopped trying to do it. Any kind of "punishment" seems to have exactly the same effect. Both at school and out of it, he is now punished less because people seem to have accepted that it just doesn't work with him and he is also not being deliberately turbulent or naughty much of the time. He does get upset when I get cross with him, it seems to make some sort of difference but I do not impose consequences on him. I work much more in the way that all the books talk about for ADHD kids - by positive reinforcement rather than punishment. This DEFINITELY works. He loves to get gold stars, he loves being praised and told he has done well - these modify his behaviour much more than being punished. Of course it's not ideal in that he is not learning that actions have consequences but I do TALK to him about consequences - eg if he doesn't want to share toys or if he is rude to other children, they won't want to play with him, which is literally true and which he can see happening for himself. Buddy, yes, it is interesting about the structure. His teacher tells me he is good as gold during class, doing all the activities quietly and attentively. I have had some quandary about whether he would be best off in a conventional or an alternative school but for the moment the highly structured conventional system seems to be suiting him well. I don't know whether that will continue in the sense that the curriculum gets very boring here from age 6 and he is a bright boy with lots of creativity, so don't know how he will/would fare within that... [/QUOTE]
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