Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Something I have never understood about my difficult children.
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 461768" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Crazy, </p><p></p><p>Hi - I can sympathize with you. Sounds like you are really upset and understandibly so. My word - you open up your house to people and expect a little consideration, a little boundaries and what happens? You give an inch they take your shampoo. Doesn't sound like anyone has respect for anyone in the Crazy-house does it? And not to take sides? But (and you're probably not going to like this) You bolting down the stairs yelling at your daughter first thing in the morning accusing her of shampoo theft did not help. She had to be on the defensive right away first thing and well I don't know about you - but I"m not worth a damn until I've had two cups of cofffe and at least been up an hour - I don't care if I offered up the wrong sacrificial lamb - you come at me about shampoo loss? Sista WE are going to dance. </p><p></p><p>I have a few thoughts - most of which your kids aren't going to like and I say kids but at 23? Not really a child. Childish, childlike - and since she's behaving like one, and living under YOUR roof perhaps YOU should start treating her like you did when she was a child. I'd ask her if that's the roll she would like you to resume? If not then the same rules apply today as they did then - IF IT IS NOT YOURS YOU DO NOT TOUCH IT ---OH wait - maybe those are not your house rules? What by the way ARE YOUR HOUSE RULES? Are they posted? See I hate to play a game or go to work and not understand the rules - if you don't know what is out of bounds? How are you going to know when you break a rule and make someone angry? This SHOULD be understood like you said - borrow it - return it - but honestly some people just need to be lead by the hand. Even at 23 - living in YOUR house - she's apparently missing the rules. So the fact that she got angry at you for getting angry at her? ( screaming woman about sacrificial lamb at oh eight hundred sans coffee) Yeah I can see it....being weighed out. NOT in all circumstances mind you - and I get she stole shampoo.......she was wrong to invade your privacy, steal shampoo....and that alone should have made HER the lamb - but....hence forth? Give her the rules of the crazy house. DO NOT assUME anything. </p><p></p><p>Also along with the rules? There must be consequences. Like in Monopoly - you land on Boardwalk and I have six hotels - I keep your little silver dog, and all your money and you go directly to the poor house and I think then you have to get clothes out of the community chest or something. Just like the game; your consequences will be YOUR wishes - STEAL MY SHAMPOO - GET THE FROG out of my house in 2 weeks. STEAL MY honeycomb ceral - Guillotine in the back yard and off with your head. Touch my box of wine? ----loose a finger to my body guard Knuckles.....(now you know why he's called Knuckles - he was a lush..operative word there being WAS). And so on and so forth. </p><p></p><p>As others have said - YES PITA to put a hinge and good lock on your door.......and keep the key with you at all times and LOCK your stuff up. Sounds absurd, but the peace of mind it gives you is unmeasurable. NOT just a knob lock either - one of those hinge locks with a master lock and make sure the windows can't be crawled into either - think also about investing in a safe. A nice heavy one. Be aware of the noises you are making when you hide your things and shove a towel under the door because I've even had them watch under that to see where I'm putting things I thought were hidden. Amazing little rats. (no offense to rodents) and through the windows....OMG incredible if they used their brains for good. </p><p></p><p>The other alternative is to put in your rules and consequences - 3 strikes you're out. And give them a time line and mean it - then have the lock smith on speed dial.....and mean it. DO NOT say things like - I DON"T WANT TO DO THIS ----or YOU WILL PUSH ME TO THIS......</p><p></p><p>This is what they will cause if they break the rules - plain and simple - you do this ---------this will happen. END OF CONVERSATION.....tired of everyone NOT getting along. </p><p></p><p>Can they make rules? NO.....not their house. </p><p></p><p>Can they amend rules? NO.......NOT their house - they're not paying bills - and they should be saving their money to get their own place by.........(and insert a date of your choosing) and stick to that....</p><p></p><p>Explain that you love them----but it's time for them to GET OUT and be on their own and time for you to have YOUR house back. </p><p></p><p>Outline it all in the CRAZYHOUSE handbook---------then print a copy-------for each of them......stop worrying why they have no remorse........and stick to your rules. </p><p></p><p>They have no remorse because they've never had to stick to consequences.....you get angry ------blow up.......then storm CIV......blows over gets more shampoo makes idle threats and nothing severe ever happens. They've got your number. NOW give them a new number and stick to it. </p><p></p><p>How do I know this (about the remorse) --------????? My son told me. </p><p></p><p>Hugs n Love </p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 461768, member: 4964"] Crazy, Hi - I can sympathize with you. Sounds like you are really upset and understandibly so. My word - you open up your house to people and expect a little consideration, a little boundaries and what happens? You give an inch they take your shampoo. Doesn't sound like anyone has respect for anyone in the Crazy-house does it? And not to take sides? But (and you're probably not going to like this) You bolting down the stairs yelling at your daughter first thing in the morning accusing her of shampoo theft did not help. She had to be on the defensive right away first thing and well I don't know about you - but I"m not worth a damn until I've had two cups of cofffe and at least been up an hour - I don't care if I offered up the wrong sacrificial lamb - you come at me about shampoo loss? Sista WE are going to dance. I have a few thoughts - most of which your kids aren't going to like and I say kids but at 23? Not really a child. Childish, childlike - and since she's behaving like one, and living under YOUR roof perhaps YOU should start treating her like you did when she was a child. I'd ask her if that's the roll she would like you to resume? If not then the same rules apply today as they did then - IF IT IS NOT YOURS YOU DO NOT TOUCH IT ---OH wait - maybe those are not your house rules? What by the way ARE YOUR HOUSE RULES? Are they posted? See I hate to play a game or go to work and not understand the rules - if you don't know what is out of bounds? How are you going to know when you break a rule and make someone angry? This SHOULD be understood like you said - borrow it - return it - but honestly some people just need to be lead by the hand. Even at 23 - living in YOUR house - she's apparently missing the rules. So the fact that she got angry at you for getting angry at her? ( screaming woman about sacrificial lamb at oh eight hundred sans coffee) Yeah I can see it....being weighed out. NOT in all circumstances mind you - and I get she stole shampoo.......she was wrong to invade your privacy, steal shampoo....and that alone should have made HER the lamb - but....hence forth? Give her the rules of the crazy house. DO NOT assUME anything. Also along with the rules? There must be consequences. Like in Monopoly - you land on Boardwalk and I have six hotels - I keep your little silver dog, and all your money and you go directly to the poor house and I think then you have to get clothes out of the community chest or something. Just like the game; your consequences will be YOUR wishes - STEAL MY SHAMPOO - GET THE FROG out of my house in 2 weeks. STEAL MY honeycomb ceral - Guillotine in the back yard and off with your head. Touch my box of wine? ----loose a finger to my body guard Knuckles.....(now you know why he's called Knuckles - he was a lush..operative word there being WAS). And so on and so forth. As others have said - YES PITA to put a hinge and good lock on your door.......and keep the key with you at all times and LOCK your stuff up. Sounds absurd, but the peace of mind it gives you is unmeasurable. NOT just a knob lock either - one of those hinge locks with a master lock and make sure the windows can't be crawled into either - think also about investing in a safe. A nice heavy one. Be aware of the noises you are making when you hide your things and shove a towel under the door because I've even had them watch under that to see where I'm putting things I thought were hidden. Amazing little rats. (no offense to rodents) and through the windows....OMG incredible if they used their brains for good. The other alternative is to put in your rules and consequences - 3 strikes you're out. And give them a time line and mean it - then have the lock smith on speed dial.....and mean it. DO NOT say things like - I DON"T WANT TO DO THIS ----or YOU WILL PUSH ME TO THIS...... This is what they will cause if they break the rules - plain and simple - you do this ---------this will happen. END OF CONVERSATION.....tired of everyone NOT getting along. Can they make rules? NO.....not their house. Can they amend rules? NO.......NOT their house - they're not paying bills - and they should be saving their money to get their own place by.........(and insert a date of your choosing) and stick to that.... Explain that you love them----but it's time for them to GET OUT and be on their own and time for you to have YOUR house back. Outline it all in the CRAZYHOUSE handbook---------then print a copy-------for each of them......stop worrying why they have no remorse........and stick to your rules. They have no remorse because they've never had to stick to consequences.....you get angry ------blow up.......then storm CIV......blows over gets more shampoo makes idle threats and nothing severe ever happens. They've got your number. NOW give them a new number and stick to it. How do I know this (about the remorse) --------????? My son told me. Hugs n Love Star [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Something I have never understood about my difficult children.
Top