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sometimes I really hate my life
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 82463" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Here I thought it was me, or she was spoiled - or whatever. I never thought this could be a mental health issue. I hate to get the authorities involved, i know she will twist the story and God only knows what she will tell them or who they will believe. </p><p></p><p>Lets see: So far she (a 16 yo child) has</p><p></p><p>Intimidated you</p><p>Slapped you</p><p>Called you names (which is an ignorable offense if you want it to)</p><p>Run your household</p><p>Not pitched in to help even by cleaning up her own messes</p><p>Drank</p><p>Done drugs</p><p>Slept around</p><p>Called your bluff on every above offense and you've basically done: </p><p>(what?) </p><p></p><p>I guess at this point you could take her for an evaluation, but....</p><p>Is she going to commit to therapy? </p><p>Will she take prescribed drugs or continue to self medicate? </p><p>Will getting a diagnoses cause her to help around the house? </p><p>Will it make her stop sleeping around?</p><p>Or will she continue to steam roll you? </p><p></p><p>Personal experience says - she'll continue to steam roll you. Therapy would be good at this point FOR YOU. She's not going to go. But you can, and you can learn how to quit being such a door mat to this child, realize you have the right to feel safe in your own home (ie slapping, drugs, booze to an underager, language) And you have a right to know that in allowing her to do what she's done she has worn down your self esteem. Gosh I bet you are on top of your game right now huh? (being sarcastic here) </p><p></p><p>My assessment of this situation from what you have written is that you need to learn how to communicate with this child, stand by what you say, and if she threatens or intimidates you again call the police. It's hard to say what your local police would do in a situation so why don't you visit them and ask for a victims assistance liason. They will be able to give you the inside into what WILL happen, COULD happen, if you call 911 and report her let's say......for not coming home EVEN IF SHE TELLS YOU "I'm not coming home this Friday." at 16? THAT IS RUNAWAY. Tell her before she goes to school "You will come home tonight and every night or I will be calling the law." Most likely if it's her first offense the police will ask you if you have an idea where she is at, go to that house, pick her up, bring her home. If shes runs the minute she gets home you pick up the phone and call them again. If she continues to do this eventually the cops will get tired of her shenanigans, and you can go to family court, file for a petition of incorrigibility, she does a 45 day evaluation in a kiddie jail, gets a psychiatric evaluation, maybe some medications, and a placement that a.) gives her a taste of real life, and b.) gives you a much needed break so you can continue therapy to find out that you really are a valuable person, deserve to be loved, and this isn't all your fault. </p><p></p><p>As far as her twisting the story around? Yeah sure, she'll try that too maybe, and when she does - there will be an investigation. And what will they pin on you? You don't drink, do drugs or go out. Been there, done that....I didn't punch him in the eye officer...I'm 5'8 and 240 lbs, used to box and I promise if I hit him he'd be holding his face together. After that? I didn't get questioned about "Oh yeah well I'll tell them you beat me!" Yeah? Go ahead. If I beat you - you sure wouldn't be telling anyone - you'd be writing it on a dry erase board from the ICU. JERK. </p><p></p><p>-Heck she may even get to tell the world why she's so angry and start to mend her own life. You have to know you have done the best you could. Stop saying I should have this or that. You did what you've done and thats it. Now move on from here and start taking care of YOU. YOU DESERVE A LIFE. If she's going to be miserable? Let her be that way....without dragging you down. </p><p></p><p>Would I call the police if I heard "And I'm not coming home from school? YOU BETCHA......Three or four times. And every time they brought him back to me. And I sent him to an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) the last time and guess what? I never heard it out of his mouth again. </p><p></p><p>Hang in there and come here often. You need friends right now. </p><p></p><p>We're here for you! </p><p>Hugs & Welcome</p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 82463, member: 4964"] Here I thought it was me, or she was spoiled - or whatever. I never thought this could be a mental health issue. I hate to get the authorities involved, i know she will twist the story and God only knows what she will tell them or who they will believe. Lets see: So far she (a 16 yo child) has Intimidated you Slapped you Called you names (which is an ignorable offense if you want it to) Run your household Not pitched in to help even by cleaning up her own messes Drank Done drugs Slept around Called your bluff on every above offense and you've basically done: (what?) I guess at this point you could take her for an evaluation, but.... Is she going to commit to therapy? Will she take prescribed drugs or continue to self medicate? Will getting a diagnoses cause her to help around the house? Will it make her stop sleeping around? Or will she continue to steam roll you? Personal experience says - she'll continue to steam roll you. Therapy would be good at this point FOR YOU. She's not going to go. But you can, and you can learn how to quit being such a door mat to this child, realize you have the right to feel safe in your own home (ie slapping, drugs, booze to an underager, language) And you have a right to know that in allowing her to do what she's done she has worn down your self esteem. Gosh I bet you are on top of your game right now huh? (being sarcastic here) My assessment of this situation from what you have written is that you need to learn how to communicate with this child, stand by what you say, and if she threatens or intimidates you again call the police. It's hard to say what your local police would do in a situation so why don't you visit them and ask for a victims assistance liason. They will be able to give you the inside into what WILL happen, COULD happen, if you call 911 and report her let's say......for not coming home EVEN IF SHE TELLS YOU "I'm not coming home this Friday." at 16? THAT IS RUNAWAY. Tell her before she goes to school "You will come home tonight and every night or I will be calling the law." Most likely if it's her first offense the police will ask you if you have an idea where she is at, go to that house, pick her up, bring her home. If shes runs the minute she gets home you pick up the phone and call them again. If she continues to do this eventually the cops will get tired of her shenanigans, and you can go to family court, file for a petition of incorrigibility, she does a 45 day evaluation in a kiddie jail, gets a psychiatric evaluation, maybe some medications, and a placement that a.) gives her a taste of real life, and b.) gives you a much needed break so you can continue therapy to find out that you really are a valuable person, deserve to be loved, and this isn't all your fault. As far as her twisting the story around? Yeah sure, she'll try that too maybe, and when she does - there will be an investigation. And what will they pin on you? You don't drink, do drugs or go out. Been there, done that....I didn't punch him in the eye officer...I'm 5'8 and 240 lbs, used to box and I promise if I hit him he'd be holding his face together. After that? I didn't get questioned about "Oh yeah well I'll tell them you beat me!" Yeah? Go ahead. If I beat you - you sure wouldn't be telling anyone - you'd be writing it on a dry erase board from the ICU. JERK. -Heck she may even get to tell the world why she's so angry and start to mend her own life. You have to know you have done the best you could. Stop saying I should have this or that. You did what you've done and thats it. Now move on from here and start taking care of YOU. YOU DESERVE A LIFE. If she's going to be miserable? Let her be that way....without dragging you down. Would I call the police if I heard "And I'm not coming home from school? YOU BETCHA......Three or four times. And every time they brought him back to me. And I sent him to an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) the last time and guess what? I never heard it out of his mouth again. Hang in there and come here often. You need friends right now. We're here for you! Hugs & Welcome Star [/QUOTE]
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