Sometimes real life is truly better than fiction

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Mattsmom277, Jul 4, 2010.

  1. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    I posted a couple times about my sister in law (my s/o's sister) who has a really bad addiction to oxycontin and percocet. The one who was in a car wreck, got it back from the shop ( several thousand in repairs) and crashed it again 5 days later (this time totally it, less than a year old, nice SUV).

    Anyhow, she was supposedly "off the stuff". We knew better. Smiled and nodded. We tried to be there for her, we tried to support her husband and help him stop enabling. We really like her husband. We feel horrid for her kids. The entire situation is a mess, but we decided it was HER mess and backed away from her. We had to. She was making our days so toxic.

    So, we've barely seen her. She knows S/O isn't being given income while he's off classes for the summer, so we get a call. She is finally moving 5 hours away to where her husband is living for the past year at another military base. The military pays someone several hundred dollars to do some basic cleaning of the base housing they've been rented. It needs to be done and inspected before they release the funds for the cost of their move. So she asks my s/o, knowing he'd do a good job and needs the $$$. So he does it. All that was left was helping his brother in law to take some stuff to the dump in a trailer. This wasn't part of the job the base pays for, this was just family helping family stuff. They were to meet early one day last week, do the dump run, then meet the military base guy to get the inspection signed off on, at which point my S/O gets paid. So they don't show up to pick him up. So he takes a bus. There is nobody there. He comes home. We hear nothing all that day and they were living in a hotel and leaving the next morning for their new city. That night I get a call from my brother.

    This is where reality and fiction merge, only it is all to real life for our liking. So, my brother lives in a complex of townhouses. My drugged out sister in law has a friend there, her dealer/supplier and a junkie I've known since high school. In a weird twist of this-town-is-too-gosh-darn-small, my brother used to date this junkie as a teen (she wasn't a junkie then). She moved in 5 doors away from my brother only a month or so ago.

    Anyhow, my brother calls that night to say that my sister in law was over at this womans house and saw my brother outside. And in talking to my sister in law, he is told that my S/O totally messed them all up by not doing what he said he'd do, not being around to do the work etc. Well, he HAD done the work. 2 full days worth. And a evening helping just as a family member with stuff for my brother in law. My brother knew that, so he called to see if we'd heard from my sister in law. Nope.

    So I told my S/O that his dear sister was saying he hadn't shown up to work etc. He knew right away what I stupidly was blind to. That she had taken the money for the job he did, and told her husband she would come pay my S/O, but went down to her "friends/dealers" house to stock up on pills with the money before the big move. ARGH!

    I wasn't happy. I left a message on their hotel answering machine just saying that how stupid is she to say something like that to MY BROTHER and ABOut her OWN brother who worked his butt off and helped beyond what he was to be paid for. Told her that we knew she had taken him for a ride on the money but that my S/O wanted her to know that he wasn't suprised and that the money aside, he just thinks she's pathetic and when she's in town next to visit her daughter, to not stop here to visit because he is done done done with her and her games. I was pretty ticked off, I can't believe I said that but did it in a composed fashion, no yelling or swearing (when I cheerfully would have tore a strip off her if I could have got away with it, I don't take kindly to people bashing my S/O who is a terrific guy).

    So she called here, I refused to answer. After the 3rd call, S/O had a brief talk to her, wasn't too nice, hung up. She turned up here the next morning and tried to come in to say goodbye on their way out of town. He didn't let them in, told her we had nothing to say to her but did sarcastically tell her to "Drive safe! Or better yet, have husband drive!!!". She was in tears, going on about how he isn't the type to talk to her like that, and he just laughed and told her that she managed to push him more than anyone else ever has. She left.

    So last night my phone rings. My brother is calling. He is chuckling and tells me that he was calling because he thought I might be interested in knowing that he was informed by our mother that I am addicted to oxycontin and percocet! I nearly choked!

    In another twist of I-gotta-move-far-far-away, my mother ALSO lives in the same complex as my brother, and this junkie woman/friend/dealer of my sister in law's. So this junkie loser knows my mother since we did hang out over 20 years ago in high school. Guess they were talking, and in doing my sister in law's bidding, this twit told my mother that it was ME with a drug probem.

    Now most of you know by now my mother didn't raise me, she is bipolar but gosh knows what else. She's the most manipulative, hateful, toxic and cruel person I've ever known. We have no communication. Which is good.

    So she delighted in relaying a conversation this woman had with her, which my brother called to tell me about. So now I also have my mother calling up everyone we know, asking for their help to "intervene" because her daughter (me) who won't speak to her (I'm soooo evil for that!) is a *gasp* ADDICT.

    If it wasn't so ironic and funny, I'd be infuriated.

    Thought some of you might relate to the life that is ours, when surrounded by difficult child's!!!

    (On a light note, my difficult child thinks this is hilarious and keeps coming into a room saying Mom! Quit hitting that pipe! and cracking up. So its the new inside joke in the family)
  2. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Altho not to this degree, this is what DEX's whack-job girlfriend does to me.

    When the family found out she was sleeping with someone else, she told them all it was me sleeping with this guy. And on and on and on. I'd like to understand the mentality that makes people do that....

    I'm glad you can laugh about it. Not much else to do.
  3. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Oh brother! That does take the cake!
  4. DazedandConfused

    DazedandConfused Active Member

    I'm looking at the computer screen just staring with my mouth hanging open. :weird:
  5. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    What does her husband say about S/O getting paid? HE obviosly knows and believes the work was done. He should step up. Let her consequenses be between her and him, but your S/O should be paid.
  6. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Can you get your phone number changed? And make sure it's UNLISTED this time? I'd seriously be considering that at this point. Or moving. Far, far away.
  7. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    I wish I could just change my number (it is already unlisted). But the thing is, my mother in law is wonderful. A sweet woman who has the hugest heart of anyone I've ever met. But she's also one of those mothers who, despite knowing and being open about how she is so disappointed in her daughter, is still a mom and sees it as her place to always want to smooth things over. It could get frustrating but I don't let it because it is a generational thing with her, how she was raised, and she truly doesn't try to play peace maker simply to force us against our will. She just wants peace and her family getting along. So, ultimately she'd pass along our new number anyhow. How it stands now, my S/O has zero intention of calling his sister. And we have call display so if her number comes up, it won't be answered. Her living 5 hours away will make the avoiding her thing pretty easy.

    To add more drama to this ridiculous situation, I got a facebook message from the crack head lady today. I can't even block her because she's not on my friends list, and must be in order to block her. If I simply change my privacy settings to no messages from those not on my friends list, then that eliminates the ability for others to message me that might not yet be on my list. My little sister (she's 12) sometimes messages me from friends houses and their accounts, and she's in a unhealthy home situation and facebook is her emergency contact me system. So I'm stuck having gotten this message from this nitwit. Anyhow, gosh only knows what sister in law has been telling this trash heap. But the message said that I don't deserve my S/O, that I apparently treat him horribly and speak to him horribly, that he is only staying with me because apparently I'd commit suicide if he tried to leave me, and that I was so pathetic I should do the world a favor and just get it over with (suicide).

    Now, one would think that message would get my fires a-burning. But I read it out loud to my S/O and we both cracked up laughing. Yes, we have weird senses of humor sometimes. But we were pretty amused. I was chopping tomatoes for tacos at dinner time and the jokes were flying about how I shouldn't be allowed to have a knife, how he'd have to have my brother come over to help sleep in shifts for my suicide watch, and on and on. It was really humorous. Why? Not quite sure. But something is just so pathetic at someone I haven't known in 20 years (so a stranger at this stage) getting this invested and ridiculous in trying to get my goat. I have no clue why. Best we can imagine is she thinks in her never-grown-up mind that she's doing something helpful to "get back at me" for speaking out to my sister in law and for speaking the truth. But the way things were worded, it also sounds like my sister in law was actually telling this woman this stuff, as if it was truth, to make me look bad. Little does she know that it made us laugh. The other side of it was also that my S/O also told me tonight that if she hadn't already nailed the finally nails in the coffin of their relationship by now, this certainly did it. He's very much a protective alpha type, and doesn't take well to people trying to mess with me. We could care less what this drugged out lady thinks/believes. But for his own sister to be so hateful and ignorant has pushed him over an edge that he's been on the brink of with his sister for a very long time.

    Oddly, his mother called (his step dad is in rough shape in the hospital) and she spoke for quite a while with me. I know better than to speak to a mom about her troubled/addicted daughter, but she brought her up. I summarized without alot of detail what has been going on at this stage and how it made me feel. My mother in law told me she loves her daughter so much but no longer knows her and can't believe she's changed to this degree, but that she's been watching the train wreck for a while and no longer feels she can do anything to change or help her daughter (I agree, my sister in law is going to have alot of work ahead of her to fix her life mess when shes finally ready). It felt nice to hear my mother in law not bash her daughter, but not defend her hateful actions. At the minimum I hoped she would understand that S/O and I have to eliminate contact with sister in law for good reasons. And she more than understands.

    I just hope that the drama ends here. I might have laughed at the stupidity of that facebook message, it was pretty funny if you were a fly on the wall of our house. S/O and I would make the most loving couples gag. We are drippy "cute" and "sappy". We use goofy syrupy sweet voices, act like we're kids around each other, hate being apart, pout if we have to do things without each other, have a book full of pet names for each other. We got a kick out of sister in law's claim to her "friend" that I treat him badly and speak to him horribly. But I have to wonder if, since this got zero reaction from me and S/O, if something new will crop up. And I am still baffled as to why his sister doesn't just get on with living her life. Why bother caring and all the effort into trying to "get back at us" for something that we never did in the first please, without of course counting telling her we were done with her games and CYA, have a nice life etc.

    I can just imagine running into this druggie lady when I'm visiting at my brothers house. He has his kids most of the summer so I'll be helping him by babysitting. Can't imagine not seeing the wingnut when outdoors with the kids.
  8. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    In defence of druggie lady, she is responding to something she has been told, very convincingly. She said it to you not to be nasty, but to vent due to her own blood boiling. She simply doesn't know the truth. Of course, she shouldn't have said anything or got involved, but your whackjob sister in law hooked her into it with her lies.

    So if you think form whackjob's point of view, your response to her (if any) should be, "You've been told a tale that is not true. I'm sorry you felt so angry that you had to attack me; but you don't know the facts. Next time, either don't listen to lies, or first find out if they're true, before you act on them. It saves you getting left with egg on your face."

  9. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    I totally agree Marg, this woman is a total wackjob. This town isn't large enough to keep many secrets when your life is a train wreck. Also, we've known her family for over 25 years. She does have a terrific family, I hope she reaches to them for some real help one day soon. She's barely maintaining custody of her 2 youngest children, for good reason. I also have a issue with her on a personal level, in that she gave drugs for the first time to a 14 year old female cousin of my son's. And then continued to supply the girl right into a arrest for heroin and a drug rehab stay by age 16. I don't think this lady knows of my family connection to this young girl, but I know. And I admit I've had a inner loathing for this woman for many years. When she started chumming around with my sister in law and they began drugging together etc, I obviously wasn't thinking "Well I'm glad sister in law found a friend". I fully expected my sister in law and this woman to have a grand time using together.

    Yet having said that, S/O and I did immediatly realize that this woman has been fed a total crock of you know what from my sister in law. That is the part that we ended up bothered by. That his sister would be so hateful and lying about him, and now about me.

    Yet also, my brother made it clear to this woman that what she has heard was lies. He really had a talk with her following learning what she'd been telling my mother. My brother has known this woman for 25 years as well. And he told her the truth and clarified, and yet still this woman wants to find a way to contact me and speak to me that way and continue to spread misinformation and fling nastiness at me. I've done nothing to this woman, period. So she really, needs to get a life. Regardless of if she's heard lies about me and believed them, what kind of 40'ish year old woman acts this way to a woman she hasn't been friends with in over 20 years? She had no reason to spew venom about me to my family, nor to have a conversation with my brother and then knowing the truth, to facebook me out of the blue like that. And tell me I should take my own life??

    So my sister in law definitely takes the prize for the guilty party here, in saying any of this stuff to begin with. But this woman now knows the truth. And if she chooses to still believe the lies, well whatever. But to lash out to me with things like telling me to end my life etc? That's just a level of low that is pretty nasty. Mind you, I can't expect much more from a person as drugged out as she is. I have to wonder why she'd bother me at all, the facebook thing is very curious. pathetic, but curious.
  10. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Whackjob needs to believe the lies because then she can trust her druggie friend and support her with her problem family and how they have driven her to drugs. And don't care about her because they have too many problems of their own.

    In other words - it is essential to whackjob to not only believe the lies, but give them substance. She has to align herself this way in order to strengthen the fiction she shares with your sister in law.

    Your relationship with SO sounds like me and husband. I know we've nauseated people before. husband & I hold hands in church and apparently people in years past have been scandalised by that. Frankly, I find the idea of people being scandalised by a husband and wife holding hands in church, to be a much bigger worry. And we're not going to stop, just to pander to someone else's hangups. I mean, it's not as if we're pashing off in the back row...