Son, 19, arrested 2 nights ago--I'm just learning of pot issues

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by feelinghelplesss, Jun 23, 2011.

  1. feelinghelplesss

    feelinghelplesss New Member

    My son started his freshman year of college last fall. He turned 18 in July before going off to school (at a Big 10 university). Never had any drug/alcohol issues while in high school. Side note: his dad and I are divorced but have a very good relationship. I'll list the issues since started college:

    First semester issues that I'm aware of:
    1.) In Oct. 2010 he was arrested for possession of marijuana. (had court appointment. atty--charges were dropped and he paid court fees $60)
    2.) Later that fall he got an alcohol violation for have it in his room. ($700 fine)
    3.) He got a "D" in a class of "unintentional plagiarism." (That was the official ruling, don't really understand what that is.)

    Second semester:
    1.) A second alcohol violation in room resulted in a choice of another fine or moving out. His dad and I made him move out of the dorms and in with his dad who live just 3 miles from the campus.
    2.) Another D for failing to attend discussion groups for one of his classes. He didn't think it mattered if he went.
    3.) Two days after returning home for the summer, I find a joint hidden in his room along with paraphernalia (a cutter, papers, and most concerning - a paper towel tube stuffed with scented dryer sheets to mask the smell of smoking in the house.
    4.) Lost his summer job because he failed the drug test.

    AND NOW two nights ago he was pulled over for "no reason". The cop made him blow in the tube and he register a zero for alcohol. The cop then suspected weed, said the car smelled of weed, said my son's eyes were red, his knees were shaking, all signs of being high. My son passed the sobriety test except for the shaky knees (of course he was scared out of his mind). The cop put my son in handcuffs, impounded MY car and took my son to the hospital for drug tests. We have to wait 2 months before we get the results and know if he'll be charged with anything. We do know that it will come back positive for weed. Son says he smoked the night before the incident, but not that night. True?? I don't know.

    Question? What the heck do I do with this kid? Clearly pot is having an unbelievably negative impact on his life, yet he says it's "fun" and he doesn't know if he'll stop. AFTER 2 ARRESTS--doesn't know if he'll stop!

    Here's the irony: he's a very respectful responsible kid at home. He cleans his room and makes his bed everyday. He's up by 9 or 10, showered. He's nice to me and everyone in the family. Other than these obvious issues, I would NEVER suspect anything was going on. So his dad and I are at an absolute loss of what to do. We are thinking we may make him take a year off of college...but then what could he do? He may not be able to get a job because he can't pass a drug test.

    Of course he's just like a lot of kids who say pot isn't as bad as alcohol and it should be legal. I don't know because I've never smoked pot. I really don't know what to say to that other than that's irrelevant because it IS illegal and "you've been arrested twice because of it!"

    Any insight would be greatly appreciated. Or any advice and where to seek help would be great too!
  2. dashcat

    dashcat Member

    I wish I had some real advice for you. My daughter just started using pot but I haven't dealt with arrests or anything like that. She laso lives with her dad and though we get along, we do not see eye to eye on issues with her. He just told her not to smokein his house.

    I did want to offer my support, though. I feel for you and your fears and frustrations. I did smoke pot when I was a late teen/early twentysomething. At the time, of course, I thought it was harmless ... but it's not. I stopped after a short time, but saw many friends compltely lose their motivation for anything. Remember, when somene is doing something they shouldn't be doing ....they usually think in their case it's under control. He's rationalizing.

    I'm sure you'll get some great advice fromt he warrior parents in this forum very soon. Just wanted you to know that you'd been heard.

  3. mrsammler

    mrsammler Guest

    Your son is EXACTLY me at about 18, after/during my first year of college: a perfect "nice boy" in high school who made great grades, was a top varsity athlete (tennis), and who had never taken an illegal drug, other than the standard (at that time--late 70s) jock beer-drinking with friends on weekend nights in my junior and senior years of high school. Then, once away at college, I fell in with the varsity tennis team crowd, joined the tennis player frat, and started smoking pot. This led quickly to acid (i.e., LSD) and I was off to the races. Was never arrested for any of this, and remained a "nice" kid--never mean or defiant or in trouble with the law--but my grades slid down the tubes, I lost a big & prestigious academic scholarship, and had to drop out of college as a result at 19. I continued to be a druggy partier for a year while living at home with my parents in my home town, until my father threw me out of the house for being an incorrigible partier and loser (again, never mean or defiant or criminal in any troubling way other than buying and smoking weed). Having nowhere else to turn, I enlisted in the army that completely "fixed" me and built a stable platform for me to mature and rebuild my life. Upon completing my enlistment (honorable discharge with 3 medals along the way for achievements in my work as a personnel administrator), I returned to the same college but this time was very highly productive: married now (had my first child during college years), on full academic scholarship again, with almost straight As and departmental honors.

    Upshot: it really does get better, but you've got to put the squeeze on the kid--i.e., grow up and fly right or you're out on the street. Most fundamentally decent kids will eventually "get it" and clean up their acts, given such pressure. You don't have to drive him into the military--I know that my path is not the path for everyone--but you do need to apply some stern pressure and thus force him to "fly right" or face great discomfort. He sounds like a basically good kid who's fallen in with bad company and bad habits--he should be OK if you press him to grow up rather than letting him just skate along blithely. Good luck and Godspeed.
  4. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Welcome to the board.

    While it may or may not be a comfort to you, your son is acting like a fairly typical college freshman. Or at least many of them. Usually.......they get back on track and finish school just fine and go on to lead normal lives. He's suffering from what I like to call grownupitis. He's an adult. He suddenly has freedom to do exactly what he wants to do or not to do what he doesn't want to do. And he's currently playing it to the hilt. He has not yet gained the maturity to realize that with adulthood and that so called freedom comes responsibility and consequences for every decision you make.

    Best thing you can do for him?

    Make him face whatever consequences come from this. Do nothing to make it easy for him. Don't bail him out of jail. Don't pay his fines. Don't run interference with the school. Make him deal with all the repercussions from his behavior and poor choices all by himself.

    It may sound mean........because it really wasn't that long ago when he was a child........(we parents think like that) but trust me, it's not mean. The sooner he learns that poor choices have consequences that are unpleasant, the better, and the faster he will begin to mature.

    And while it may not have been that long ago when he was a child.......the fact is he is no longer a child. Which means you have no more control over his behavior. All you can do as parents is decide what behavior is acceptable / unacceptable and what you will do in any given situation. It's a good idea to have plans made in advance.....even if they seem "far out there" at the moment.

    Currently, he's acting like a teen with too much freedom. Invincible.......nothing can happen to him. He's going to expect you to "fix it" for him. But unfortunately if you do, the longer it will take for him to learn.........and if you do it long enough......well "helping" can often develop into enabling, then you have a whole new mess of issues.

    It's good that you and his dad are on good terms. It will be a huge help if you're on the same page with this and can work as a united front.

  5. feelinghelplesss

    feelinghelplesss New Member

    Mrslammer: First of all, thank you for your service to our country. I admire and appreciate people like you so much. Secondly, thank you for sharing your experience. I know a lot of kids experiment with pot at this age, the scary part is the two arrests and no desire to quit. Some kids have to go through some really tough stuff before they start to grow up. Unfortunately, my know-it-all son is one of them.

    Hound dog: Thanks for insight and the good advice. I met with a drug counselor today who basically said the same. It's so hard, but I made him pay $160 to get my car out of the impound lot. That's over half the money he has in his account. And with no job (because of the failed drug test) it's going to be a while before he replaces that money.

    dashcat: Thanks for the support. It's helpful to know that others are dealing with the same issues. I'm sorry about your daughter. I hope you're able to steer things in the right direction before it gets out of hand.
  6. HereWeGoAgain

    HereWeGoAgain Grandpa

    I haven't read other replies yet but I will just give my opinion. I think your son is probably not what we call a difficult child here - that is, our kid or kids with serious issues that brought us here to the forum - or at least not a "full-blown" difficult child.

    That's not to say that he is not having some pretty serious things going on with the pot and drinking. This is very common with kids getting out of the home and feeling their independence for the first time, especially if the university you mention is a "party school". I think time off from college and a job is a very good idea. He will be able to pass a drug test again in 4 to 6 weeks if he quits smoking.

    I fully understand your concerns, but in my opinion things have not progressed too far for him to turn it around - he may just need to settle down and gain some maturity. Having parents as obviously concerned and engaged and working together even though divorced is a big plus. So it bears watching, and firm set of expectations and boundaries, but he sounds like the sort of kid who will outgrow this.

    (By the way, I don't get "unintentional plagiarism" either. It's an oxymoron: plagiarism is intentional, by definition. I'd be very interested in how they came up with that.)

    Added in edit: OK, I read the other replies and want to reiterate both MrSam and HoundDog: don't brook any misbehavior, and let natural consequences come - the single worst thing you can do is try to get him off or fix things, it only encourages further irresponsibility. But I see you're already savvy (as Johnny Depp might say) so - best of luck, hope he pulls his head out soon (I bet he does).
  7. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Feeling Helpless,

    Hello! welcome to the board! You know, I would be tempted if I were a betting person to impose a small wager that the majority of parents who have read your post did read it then sat back and thought; I WISH that were the only thing going wrong in my son/daughters life. Is she SERIOUS? This is her big crisis? Smoking pot? The kid is in college, he gets up every morining, makes his bed, is pleasant to the family, actually takes a shower, goes to school, lives at home, tested negative for alcohol. I mean wow what you have to the majority of the parents here is a near perfect child. Doesn't seem that way to you does it? You listed your name as 'Feeling Helpless' so I would assume from this, you are very stressed out. In contrast from Mom to Mom if I were to tell you the things that have gone on in my sons' life? (insert chuckle) I wonder if you would even ever speak to me. Interestingly enough here we both are sharing a read for a moment in time, probably never to meet and I'm happy to offer you any help I can. Anyone on this board would be - more will be along soon I'm sure sometimes it's just hard to look at a situation like this and not compare, but when you feel it's a serious problem as a parent or it rocks your world, and you start thinking OMG "pot the gateway drug" sometimes you need to know that all is not lost.

    I am amazed at your ability to get right to the crux of the problem. A lot of parents don't. Some just see this as no big deal, others go extreme or overboard and scare the bejeebers out of their kid and go with totalitarian parenting. FWIW? I think what you've done up to now? Is exactly the right thing. You've let him know you're aware of the problem, you're NOT going to bail him out of it, but you're not going to just ignore this problem either. You are detaching from the money aspect and making him be responsible for his actions. He's stated that he doesn't want to stop. Well I've seen a few of the people here state they smoked pot when they were in college and there's nothing wrong with it, or they grew out of it. I know a lot of people did. My problem with the marijuana of today is that it's not what it was years ago. It's a lot stronger. I dont' smoke, but I know people that have grown it (past tense) and they told me that the stuff that is out now is very potent and more addicting. I don't know personally if that's true or not. I'm inclined to believe because the stuff I smell on kids today as they pass me makes me sick. It doesn't have that 'hippy' oh you smoked a doobie smell. It's nearly vomitous, strong, reeks of strong, pot smoke smell.

    My suggestion to all of this is get EDUCATED. Find out from people that DID stop what worked for them to make them stop. My life got turned upside down by drugs inadvertently and when I was looking for answers it was suggested that I go to Alanon meetings. I went to those, Narcotics Anon., Cocaine Anon., Alcoholic Anon. and the one that I personally seemed to get the most out of were the Cocaine and the Narcotics Anon. meetings. The people in those meetings were former drug abusers and recovering drug abusers, so many weeks/months/years sober/clean. From them? I learned the fine art of detachment and what would and would not fly in the face of someone who was using. What my tears and rages being spilled out were wasted on. What finally I needed to do to save myself and my son. Ultimately what saved our lives. Extreme for you I know - but maybe something in those meetings will click for you, or maybe you'll meet just one person that will say SOMETHING or one MAGIC word or sentence that will hit you like a ton of bricks and make sense equating to your situation with your son, and give you the motivation to either do or NOT do something relating to him. Whatever it may be. It could be that you meet someone you introduce him to that would have had a brilliant career and now is a street beggar. You just never know.

    Somewhere in all these advices; I really want you to know I think you are a wonderful Mom!! Keep up your rest, and health...IF YOU NEED to talk to someone outside your family? Do NOT HESITATE to seek a counselor or therapist for yourself. KIDS and their problems are stressful. Trying to lean on your husband, your friends, and your co-workers? Can DRIVE THEM AWAY.....they should NOT NOT NOT be your BI%CHING buddies - EVER....about your family problems - They will tell you "Oh come to me ANYTIME -ANYTIME." and outside - they say it - Inside? they're hoping you go to ANYONE about Jr. OTHER than them and eventually? They'll start making excuses to NOT meet you for lunch or dinner engagements - or movies - So please take my advice - and find a therapist - and go once a week - and talk to someone that can help you help yourself on a professional level with some GOOD SOLID PROFESSIONAL advice - it is worth it's weight in gold to keep a happy YOU, Happy Marriage and happy friends. This I know for sure.

    Hugs & Love
  8. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Welcome. I know from experience how you are feeling and I'm sorry you are there. My husband and I have raised eight teens. The five who went to college were basically easy child's and academically above average. Much to our unhappy surprise all five either drank too much alcohol and/or began smoking pot. None of them were ever arrested, thank heavens, and all five are successful adults. Two still drink too much on occasion and one still smokes pot on occasion. The four who are parents are doing a wonderful job and they, too, hope and pray their teens don't imbibe. We feel very lucky that they never crossed paths with law enforcement because that can change the whole dynamic for life.

    Very sadly we know that from experience because our grandson (raised by us) did get caught as a teen. His self image got almost instantly distorted. He found acceptance with the wrong group of kids and changed his social life. He is now 24 and has paid dearly for his choices. The interesting thing is that he is polite, delightful company at home and in circumstances where he is among "nice" peple. So I still refer to him as a easy child/difficult child.

    Why am I sharing all this with you? Well, your son is at a crossroads. He is making poor choices. I'm sorry. on the other hand, he is not unique in experimenting at that age. Like everyone else I agree that he has to face the consequences of his choice. I sincerely hope he will have a "wake up call" as the result. He can get back on track and his family can help him choose that path by open discussion, acknowledgement of his issues and trying to brainstorm options. Will it work? Basically he is in the driver's seat. He is intelligent and loves his family. He should be able to sort through the options. Sadly, you can not make choices for his behavior. That's the hardest part. He and he alone can decide which way he wants to go. He may be agreeable if counseling (substance abuse specialist) if offered. Chances are the Court will impose some sanctions that will not be his choice....likely a misdemeanor charge with perhaps probation for a year. Those things only the Court can impose. The key is what he chooses. A change of schools if he feels too much peer pressure. A semester off to work? Nobody has the answer but I'm hoping he does. Sending caring support your way. DDD
  9. feelinghelplesss

    feelinghelplesss New Member

    Thanks for the many replies and support. I realize that to many on this forum that mine isn't a huge problem, and most likely my son is in the exploration stage and will grow out of it. But the big red flag was my son, very likely facing a DUI (for weed--2 month wait for drug test), not being able to say "that's it--I'm done with pot!" I feel like we're at a tipping point and that's why I'm here. I want to do the right things now so I don't regret anything later. Being a complete novice in this particular parenting arena, I'm here to seek wisdom from those with far more experience than I. And I can't express how much it is appreciated.

    I did seek counseling yesterday just to get a feel for what I'm dealing with. I decided as a consequence to the second arrest, my son has to meet with the counselor one time. He of course rolled his eyes and said no, but I said you live in my house and you were driving my car when you were arrested, so you have to suffer my consequence (not to mention the legal ones). I told him he has to meet with the counselor ONE time and after that if there are no problems/issues relation to pot, then he never has to go again. So he agreed.

    The best advice I think I've gotten (here and from the counselor) is DO NOT ENABLE. Make him suffer the consequences. I told him he's on his own if he is charged with the DUI. He can either plea guilty or get a court appointed attorney, but I won't be spending any time or money on this. I know I can't stop him from smoking pot, but I can expect him to live by my rules when he's living at home.
  10. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    A belated PS, lol, your son may not believe you but from experience I know that once you have gotten arrested you do become a target for stops and searches. Unless it is a big city (and perhaps then) the police make a point of knowing the faces and the cars of people who have a history...even a short new history.

    I read your update and I'm glad you sought counsel from an expert. Absolutely, we all agree that enabling is a big no no. We also know the internal anquish of not being able to prevent your people from choosing the wrong options. Hugs. DDD
  11. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    I'm so glad you're educating yourself and seeing a drug counselor. You're one smart Mom, and your son is lucky whether he knows it or not.

    Yours may not be a huge problem at the moment, true...........but with drugs things can get ugly fast. You've every right to be very concerned. Experimenting is one thing, blowing off classes...well he might have done that with or without the pot, but the consequences he's already racked up not phasing him at all should be sending up red flags for you. Because that is difficult child like behavior.

    You're doing a great job so far.

  12. Star*

    Star* call 911


    I think EVERYTHING that you have done thus far? BRILLIANT! Seeking a counselor, standing firm on your rules, getting your son to go to a counselor AND detaching while NOT enabling!? BRAVO! It's tough to be hard and loving at the same time. In NO WAY - should drugs and alcohol EVER, EVER, EVER be minimalized in anyones life. Especially a kid/teen. You have not only the right, but a duty to make sure that everything you have worked for in your families lives to be safe STAY safe! Drugs are destructive, unforgiving, and dealers do not care how, what, or who they destroy in the process of making the almighty dollar. The interesting thing I found with my addict x was that most of the dealers he dealt with were not drug users at all. Very ironic. They all had nice homes, wonderful families, lovely children who were very well adjusted - and there was my family, falling apart and being beaten for drug money so my x could continue to get high. There was the dealers family running off in nice clothes, getting into a beautiful car, and going to the best schools. To this day I'm not able to forgive or forget.

    It is my sincerest hope that you have caught this problem in time, stopped his drinking by not giving him any support other than counseling, making him hurt where it counts (paying), and that someday he'll see what a phenominal thing his Mom and Dad have done FOR him and in spite of his behaviors. Keep us posted. I think your swift actions in this case make you quite the FALCON MOM!

    Hugs & Love
  13. feelinghelplesss

    feelinghelplesss New Member

    WOW, thanks for lifting me up!!! I can't tell you how hard it is not to hire a good attorney to try to get him out of the impending DUI charge. I can afford to do it and I don't want to see him have a record because of this stupid mistake of his. It pains me to no end to know that when a potential employer does some research, a DUI may show up (and an arrest for possession.) But my son has every right to retain a court appointed attorney, so that whole experience will be a good lessson for him. Hopefully people can understand the mistakes of youth and give others that make a mistake a second chance.
  14. mrsammler

    mrsammler Guest

    "I can't tell you how hard it is not to hire a good attorney to try to get him out of the impending DUI charge. I can afford to do it and I don't want to see him have a record because of this stupid mistake of his."

    Please DON'T do this. My sister did this over and over again, with exactly the same rationale, and it just taught difficult child that he could carry on as he pleased with no fear of consequences, because rich mommy (he even told cops once, during arrest, that "You don't know who you're dealing with--my mother's rich") would always hire attorneys and get him out of it. It infantilized him even more than he already was via a lifetime of being enabled and coddled, and now he's a grossly immature, dysfunctional manchild at 19, with no maturity in sight. Let him suffer the consequences of his actions--better to have a police record for something minor at 19 and then, via stern consequence, pull out of his tailspin, than to tee him up for much worse problems deep into his twenties or, god forbid, a lifetime.
  15. feelinghelplesss

    feelinghelplesss New Member

    I swear I won't hire an attorney!! I'm just expressing how hard it is not to! I had my son talk to a counselor yesterday. The counselor was very optimistic and said that he thought my son was being honest with him (since he's dealt with all kind of drug abusers) and that at this point, he's not concerned that my son has a serious problem with use. This is not to say that I will let my guard down, but I'm not going to spend my days obsessing over it either.

    DS knows that if there is one more incident, he's going in for an evaluation and things will proceed from there. I pray for wisdom for DS.
  16. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    He could k ill somebody for drinking and driving. It's a very serious offense. Please don't enable him so he gets back on the road that way again and maybe kills somebody or himself. It doesn't work to enable grown kids and he needs to grow up and not put others (or himself) in harm's way.

  17. mrsammler

    mrsammler Guest

    I can't emphasize this enough: it is far, far better to let a difficult child suffer even a very stern consequence via the law or judicial system early on, and then gradually get past it (even if it means a criminal record for that offense), than to help him escape it and thus enable him to proceed inevitably into worse offenses and get (again, inevitably) really slammed hard years later via a really bad offense and conviction and punishment such as lengthy incarceration, etc, which can be really ruinous in terms of his prospects for a decent life as an adult. The DUI or pot conviction (or whatever) at 16-19 has a real opportunity to scare him, if not straight, at least very cautious, whereas the drug dealing or armed robbery or violent offense in his early twenties is SO much worse in terms of long-term consequences.

    My own older son, a very nice kid who's just immature and who has let himself get caught for stupid vehicular offenses like driving on a suspended license, was in a traffic law jam (fairly serious--2nd offense of driving on suspended license) and I absolutely refused to help him pay the fine, pay "responsibility fees" to get his license restored, pay for a lawyer, etc. I know it must've seemed harsh to him, especially as I could clearly afford it and was, in fact, spending money fairly liberally for my own fun stuff at the time, but the upshot is that he toughed it out and is returning to college in the fall after a 2-year layout, chastened and embarrassed and cautious and very regretful due to what happened--and very eager to restore his self-esteem and reputation via doing well in college. I'm not sure things would be looking so positive if I'd just paid his fines/legal expenses and helped him skate out of it. It's hard to turn away from 'em, financially speaking, when they're in a jam like that, but it's what they *need*. Seriously. Otherwise you infantilize them and/or delay their maturation--they need to deal with the situation on their own, or they just won't grow.
  18. feelinghelplesss

    feelinghelplesss New Member

    My ex just called...the campus police were just at his house looking for my son. They have a warrant for his arrest for trespassing. He hasn't been on campus for 6 weeks. He's with me in a different state! Why would they just now be looking to arrest him? My son isn't home right now so I can't ask him. I'm just here venting. Just when I feel like I'm handling things, I get another blow. It's my son's 19th birthday today. Happy birthday honey--here's a warrant for your arrest. Jeesh!
  19. feelinghelplesss

    feelinghelplesss New Member

    Lucky me, I'm already getting a second chance to not help him out of a legal jam. Yippee! (sarcasm if you can't tell)

    Thanks, mrslammer, I know you're right!
  20. Star*

    Star* call 911

    I don't know what state you live in - but there used to be on Hwy. I-77 North bound in Virgina a totaled car wreck that had a sign next to it that said "A drunk driver took this family of four" and it was a mangled heap setting off on the side of interstate median. I guess things stick with you because for as many times as I've driving up and down I-77 and had seen that car over my years? It's image haunted me.

    Recently I went through truck driving school to get my CDL. There were some younger students in the class and some my age - and some older. The younger guys weren't taking the safety aspect of learning our pre-trip serious one day. Then asked why I was so serious. Maybe it was the fact that I was raised that driving IS a privledge, or that I think when I get behind the wheel it's not just MY life and safety but YOURS, YOUR family and YOUR family and YOUR family that I'm taking into my hands that made me give my speech that day. But by the time I was done talking about 80,000 lbs, 18 wheels and what could happen because YOU weren't responsible and why I am not going to buy my son a car, or be the reason he dies or kills someone? And why I am so glad I had nothing to do with our middle sons auto accident and death? - Everyone passed that class with near perfect scores and took it very seriously.

    The responsibility for these things feelinghelpless? Driving, trouble he creates, problems created by NOT obeying, ARE HIS RESPONSIBILITY. The things that are now YOUR responsibility? Learning to detach, Learning to tough love, Learning to enjoy YOUR life separate from his and show him that THERE ARE TWO complete and separate lives - where in YOU have paid your dues, and lived YOUR life and NOW get to ENJOY the fruits of YOUR labors, and HE must learn to do the right things, and OBEY the rules of men, and LISTEN and learn and use the things that YOU taught him ALL HIS LIFE - and if he CHOOSES NOT to? THINGS WILL HAPPEN that YOU have NO CONTROL over - NONE, NADA, ZIP. YOU are separate from those things. these are things HE created and THESE are things HE must suffer the consequences from. Can you support him when he's on the road to redemption? Yup. if he's sincere, and needs a pat on the back, an emotional uplift, or an attaboy? - but other than that? Nope.

    The best things we can give our children are roots and wings - It's written on my hallway to remind me that I've given them all the right things - and it's time to let go. I raised them up the way they should go - if they departed from it? It's got to be between them and God - not ME and them. My part is done. THAT was the hardest thing for me to realize and STOP interfering in THEIR life. Everyone gets brought to their knees in different ways I guess. But if I keep throwing a pillow down to cushion the fall? How is anyone ever going to know what it's like to really hit their knees? Because while I'm hitting mine for him? No one is throwing a pillow under mine.

    Just a bit of sage advice from a Mom with worn out knees and no more throw pillows.