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Parent Emeritus
Son 32 Still lives with parents
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 757498" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Hi Andy</p><p></p><p>Good for you. Have you thought about Al Anon? Or even AA? I went to AA and it helped me a great deal. Both programs will help to set boundaries to protect yourself. To me, that's the basic issue, here.</p><p></p><p>I hear you that your wife loves family. She needs to decide the family she wants to protect, because what's happening now is that her protecting your son is killing you. You are being tormented and tortured by this situation. As long as this keeps going this way, this will keep repeating itself. Personally, I don't think your son is being helped either. He is being sacrificed so that your wife can feel she is "loving" him. How is it love to help him keep killing himself? How is it loving you by continuing these circumstances that are killing you?</p><p></p><p>I am sorry to be so blunt. I get it that you may drink too much, sometimes, in order to cope with an intolerable situation. Some of us may even drink too much all the time, no matter whether there is provocation. But this is an intolerable situation, I believe. Nobody in your shoes could tolerate it. To have lost your brother in the circumstances you endured is a horrible trigger and trauma.</p><p></p><p>I don't think this is loving of your wife. You didn't ask me, but I'm saying it. Until she can consider your needs, along with her own, I think you need to protect yourself. I think going to the motel was a good move on your part.</p><p></p><p>You can't be sacrificed in this situation. You deserve so much better. Love, Copa</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 757498, member: 18958"] Hi Andy Good for you. Have you thought about Al Anon? Or even AA? I went to AA and it helped me a great deal. Both programs will help to set boundaries to protect yourself. To me, that's the basic issue, here. I hear you that your wife loves family. She needs to decide the family she wants to protect, because what's happening now is that her protecting your son is killing you. You are being tormented and tortured by this situation. As long as this keeps going this way, this will keep repeating itself. Personally, I don't think your son is being helped either. He is being sacrificed so that your wife can feel she is "loving" him. How is it love to help him keep killing himself? How is it loving you by continuing these circumstances that are killing you? I am sorry to be so blunt. I get it that you may drink too much, sometimes, in order to cope with an intolerable situation. Some of us may even drink too much all the time, no matter whether there is provocation. But this is an intolerable situation, I believe. Nobody in your shoes could tolerate it. To have lost your brother in the circumstances you endured is a horrible trigger and trauma. I don't think this is loving of your wife. You didn't ask me, but I'm saying it. Until she can consider your needs, along with her own, I think you need to protect yourself. I think going to the motel was a good move on your part. You can't be sacrificed in this situation. You deserve so much better. Love, Copa [/QUOTE]
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