Son going down hill

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Seaangel22, Oct 1, 2014.

  1. Seaangel22

    Seaangel22 New Member

    Hi I have a 23 year old son, who has tried marijuanna in the past. We confronted him and he stopped so we think. Over the past few years he has shown NO interest in anything, can't keep a job no motivation at all. Last December he lost his Grandmother, a huge hit to him. Then in September his great grandfather and this past June his other Grandmother. He is sometimes extremely angry but also very gentle and would do anything for you. He loves children and he has a great family life at home. After his gma. died in Decem. we noticed pills missing from the home. We tested him and sure enough he had been using prescription drugs. We immediately got him into see a psychiatrist and psychologist. Thinking we had a handle on the situation, he was put on an antidepressant and something to help him sleep. He does not sleep at night.
    With all this being said, I just found a stash of Marijuanna in his vehicle. I confiscated it and this is where I am today. It is 3:00 in the afternoon, he never got up for work again today and my husband and I are at our wits end. WE need advice and fast.
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Sorry you are in this situation. Do you support your son? Buy his toys? Pay for a car and gas?

    He is probably using drugs. Normally we never find out the extent of their drug use. My daughter was up all night when she was doing speed and then she slept all day. This is not normal. Has he stolen from you at any time? Sold his things for money? If he is using drugs, the prescription drugs won't help...the other drugs will cancel out their affects. It says "drugs" to me.
  3. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    I'd say make things mandatory for him to continue to live at home. You can be as simple or detailed as you like. Something along the lines of.

    Weekly drug tests at home
    Hold a job
    Go to therapy
  4. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    Ok so yes your son is using drugs... the prescription drug use is a bad sign really as it can lead to some heavy duty drugs. I know this is very frightening and scary.

    Fact is you have absolutely no control over his drug use.... and if he wants to use he will and he will do what he can to get around rules based on drug tests. I say this with such confidence because we have definitely been there done that!!

    And his lack of motivation, no interest in anything and his not sleeping at night, and sleeping during the day all point to drug use as well. Yes he may be depressed and so seeing a psychatirst and getting on an antidepressant is a good thing to do. Although the drug use will interfere with the effectiveness of anything the pscyh doctor prescribes.

    All you can really do is set some boundaries for behavior to live in your home. At 23 he should be doing something... either working or going to school. It cannot be acceptable for him to live in your home, just getting a free ride, not contributing to anything. Not a good life lesson.

    So my suggestion is first get yourself to some kind of parent support group such as alanon. We have found a wonderful alanon group for parents that has been a life saver for us.

    Then I would set some strong guidelines/requirments to live in your home. These would be things like getting a job (or going to school), helping around the house (give him specific things he needs to do to contribute) etc. Give him a time frame and if he doesnt do these things he needs to move out... and then stick to it!

    Personally I would stay away from making the rules about using or not using drugs. Yes to he cannot have drugs in your home as that is illegal and you want no part in illegal activity... but really you cant control his drug use, and there are many ways to get around drug tests. Testing him just sets him up to find ways to get around drug use.... or use things that dont show up on drug tests which are much worse than pot (which shows up for a month or so).

    This is going to be hard and it means being willing to take a stand and stick to it. Dont set up a requirement (ie he leave your home) unless you are willing to stick to it. It is heartbreaking to kick a kid out of the home and yet some of us have had to do it. It is awful to have a kid on the streets but sometimes that is what you have to go through.

    He is 23 and is an adult, it is time for him to figure out how to live a lfe.


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  5. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Pot use and lack of motivation go hand-in-hand. Do you think this is all a result of the losses he has suffered? He is an adult so he would have to make the call but can you convince him to call his therapist and get back in for an evaluation? If he is using because of the recent deaths he has experienced he may benefit from some grief counseling. It sounds liek he is using pot to numb his feelings. Do you think he would agree to go back to counseling? He may need to find one that will do more than just prescribe medications.