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Son in jail nightmare continues
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 441420"><p>Dear Sickandtired.... Welcome and I am sorry you are going through this. I totally empathize and am in a somewhat similar situation. My son is 19, had major problems with the law, has been to rehab, etc. So I totally get where you are. I too have wondered what else is going on, what could I have done etc. etc. Star is right though, going down that path in your head really doesn't help. Your son is now an adult and really it is up to him. Really and truly. You can't fix this and you can't fix him.... he has to want to get help and to turn things around. Until he gets to that point nothing you do will make any difference. is there another diagnosis that would make sense, maybe and maybe not. Drugs are truly a powerful master and make people do crazy horrible things to get more drugs. No psychiatric diagnosis will help until he faces and deals with his drug problem.The thing for you to remember is this is NOT your fault.... no matter the history he is now an adult and is making his own choices.Jail may be the best thing for him as hard as that is. It is an awful experience to have your beloved son in jail. Probably one of the worst times in my life was the 2 weeks my son spent in jail... but it may have been the best thing for him!!!One of the things my son learned when he was in jail for 2 weeks is that he really really hates jail. He does not want to go back and that is a motivating factor for him. He has a suspended sentance and is on probation and is being drug tested. We did send him out of state to rehab which I think helped but he came back and is now not in a great situation. I don't think he is completely sober but he is as far as I know staying away from the really hard stuff....he could easily screw up and end up back in jail but he is trying hard not to and is doing some things to help himself. Avoiding jail is definitely a strong motivator for him right now.So think long and hard about how what you are doing is helping or not helping your son. If you can find an alanon parents meeting, this has been a huge help to me. Get clear if you can so that you can stop enabling your sons drug use and really bad behavior, but still letting him know you love him and will help him if he helps himself. With my son he knows he cannot live at home... we have a 16 year old daughter we need to protect from his chaos. We will nto give him cash. We will not help him buy a car because we can't be sure he won't drink and drive. We are however going to help him out with rent if he finds a place to live.... and we do feed him when we see him. We did get him a lawyer when he was in jail and to be honest i am glad we did that because it helped get him into rehab.Keep coming to the boards... there are plenty of us who have been where you are.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 441420"] Dear Sickandtired.... Welcome and I am sorry you are going through this. I totally empathize and am in a somewhat similar situation. My son is 19, had major problems with the law, has been to rehab, etc. So I totally get where you are. I too have wondered what else is going on, what could I have done etc. etc. Star is right though, going down that path in your head really doesn't help. Your son is now an adult and really it is up to him. Really and truly. You can't fix this and you can't fix him.... he has to want to get help and to turn things around. Until he gets to that point nothing you do will make any difference. is there another diagnosis that would make sense, maybe and maybe not. Drugs are truly a powerful master and make people do crazy horrible things to get more drugs. No psychiatric diagnosis will help until he faces and deals with his drug problem.The thing for you to remember is this is NOT your fault.... no matter the history he is now an adult and is making his own choices.Jail may be the best thing for him as hard as that is. It is an awful experience to have your beloved son in jail. Probably one of the worst times in my life was the 2 weeks my son spent in jail... but it may have been the best thing for him!!!One of the things my son learned when he was in jail for 2 weeks is that he really really hates jail. He does not want to go back and that is a motivating factor for him. He has a suspended sentance and is on probation and is being drug tested. We did send him out of state to rehab which I think helped but he came back and is now not in a great situation. I don't think he is completely sober but he is as far as I know staying away from the really hard stuff....he could easily screw up and end up back in jail but he is trying hard not to and is doing some things to help himself. Avoiding jail is definitely a strong motivator for him right now.So think long and hard about how what you are doing is helping or not helping your son. If you can find an alanon parents meeting, this has been a huge help to me. Get clear if you can so that you can stop enabling your sons drug use and really bad behavior, but still letting him know you love him and will help him if he helps himself. With my son he knows he cannot live at home... we have a 16 year old daughter we need to protect from his chaos. We will nto give him cash. We will not help him buy a car because we can't be sure he won't drink and drive. We are however going to help him out with rent if he finds a place to live.... and we do feed him when we see him. We did get him a lawyer when he was in jail and to be honest i am glad we did that because it helped get him into rehab.Keep coming to the boards... there are plenty of us who have been where you are. [/QUOTE]
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