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Parent Emeritus
Son in jail nightmare continues
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<blockquote data-quote="sickandtired1" data-source="post: 441631" data-attributes="member: 12290"><p>First I want to thank everyone here for your time and thought. I am so amazed and appreciate your comments. Today, we saw our son during the 1 hour visit. He looked much better than we thought since he was withdrawing. His actually seemed pretty good. Of course, his first question was when are we "bailing me out". We told him we were not and didn't have the money. Good!! I don't feel he was humble or sorrowful enough. He didn't ask about anyone at home until I reminded him he should. Said he doesn't know why he did it, can't really remember what happened, but he was not on drugs or alcohol at the time. He basically kept asking about bail and how he wants to come home before "his trial". We are staying firm on the no bail, but have not told him yet that he will never be living at our house again. The only thing we are doing is getting a lawyer. So we told him it is between him and his lawyer. I do regret now that we put $20 in his comissary. I don't think we will do that again. I really expected more regret than I saw today. After that I visited the therapist, who reiterated much of what you all have said in these posts. He did say that by NOT helping him at all will help to build his self esteem (since he is finally doing something on his own). We always thought we were doing "tough love" but maybe not tough enough. The therapist also said that my son sounds sociopathic. This is a bit upsetting, but it is helpful having this insight. We DO understand that we have to step back, and we are realizing that we are not to blame. I am going to start ALANON meeting on a more regular basis and reading posts in this forum. Thanks for your help!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="sickandtired1, post: 441631, member: 12290"] First I want to thank everyone here for your time and thought. I am so amazed and appreciate your comments. Today, we saw our son during the 1 hour visit. He looked much better than we thought since he was withdrawing. His actually seemed pretty good. Of course, his first question was when are we "bailing me out". We told him we were not and didn't have the money. Good!! I don't feel he was humble or sorrowful enough. He didn't ask about anyone at home until I reminded him he should. Said he doesn't know why he did it, can't really remember what happened, but he was not on drugs or alcohol at the time. He basically kept asking about bail and how he wants to come home before "his trial". We are staying firm on the no bail, but have not told him yet that he will never be living at our house again. The only thing we are doing is getting a lawyer. So we told him it is between him and his lawyer. I do regret now that we put $20 in his comissary. I don't think we will do that again. I really expected more regret than I saw today. After that I visited the therapist, who reiterated much of what you all have said in these posts. He did say that by NOT helping him at all will help to build his self esteem (since he is finally doing something on his own). We always thought we were doing "tough love" but maybe not tough enough. The therapist also said that my son sounds sociopathic. This is a bit upsetting, but it is helpful having this insight. We DO understand that we have to step back, and we are realizing that we are not to blame. I am going to start ALANON meeting on a more regular basis and reading posts in this forum. Thanks for your help! [/QUOTE]
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