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Son is Homeless
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 633102" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>TL, I agree that love and support is essential for our difficult children. The problem with it is how to show that love and support, when to step up and when to step back. </p><p></p><p>That is so very hard, all of the time, and I believe acknowledging it, especially at the beginning of our own recovery, keeps the pot stirred up with should i do this, should I do that, is this enabling, is that just being supportive....arghhhhhhhh!</p><p></p><p>That is where time and distance and space and detachment come in. Especially at the first period time of our own recovery and then throughout our recovery, we must have this in order to calm ourselves, begin to heal, begin to see things more clearly, begin to make better decisions for ourselves. </p><p></p><p>So, yes, I have never stopped loving my son.</p><p></p><p>I continue to struggle with defining support and encouragement and it is a constant thought process.</p><p></p><p>We can lump a lot of "stuff" under support and encouragement that really turns out to be enabling. Sometimes we (I) can't see that distinction until well after the situation is concluded.</p><p></p><p>Very challenging waters to navigate. </p><p></p><p>I think that is why "going no contact" for a period of time is always an option. Sometimes a very good option, depending on the circumstances.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 633102, member: 17542"] TL, I agree that love and support is essential for our difficult children. The problem with it is how to show that love and support, when to step up and when to step back. That is so very hard, all of the time, and I believe acknowledging it, especially at the beginning of our own recovery, keeps the pot stirred up with should i do this, should I do that, is this enabling, is that just being supportive....arghhhhhhhh! That is where time and distance and space and detachment come in. Especially at the first period time of our own recovery and then throughout our recovery, we must have this in order to calm ourselves, begin to heal, begin to see things more clearly, begin to make better decisions for ourselves. So, yes, I have never stopped loving my son. I continue to struggle with defining support and encouragement and it is a constant thought process. We can lump a lot of "stuff" under support and encouragement that really turns out to be enabling. Sometimes we (I) can't see that distinction until well after the situation is concluded. Very challenging waters to navigate. I think that is why "going no contact" for a period of time is always an option. Sometimes a very good option, depending on the circumstances. [/QUOTE]
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