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son is in partial hospitalization (PH)
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<blockquote data-quote="rebelson" data-source="post: 684247" data-attributes="member: 19966"><p>Copa-</p><p></p><p>All I asked, was a question. He could have answered that question in any form or way which he felt like, and I would've been completely ok with his answer. <em>'No, I will not delete any toxic friends...' </em><span style="color: #ff0080">OR</span><em> 'yes, I might do that, it could not hurt...' </em><span style="color: #ff0080">OR EVEN</span> '<em>mom, butt out, it's my business..' </em>It would've been lovely to hear that last one! Seriously. I would've been like, <em>'ok!'</em> <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /></p><p></p><p>Ok, that is all I was doing. Inquiring. That's it.</p><p></p><p>I posted this on here, only to show how reactive he is. My husband, his stepfather, got the attitude. His paternal grandma got it, his aunt (whom lives with-grandma) got it. That's the MAIN reason that he was kicked out by grandma. They couldn't handle it, his attitude, anymore. He was being allowed to live in her home, for free, but would not obey the few rules she asked him to abide by. He was rude and also sometimes, hostile to both of them as well. He was spoiled there, fresh, hot, Italian cooked meals, she made his lunches when he had to work, etc. He didn't seem to appreciate it. He does not take rules well. He also spouted off to his HS teachers and some bosses.</p><p></p><p>Whether he keeps or trashes his FB druggy friends, is his choice. 1 question -----> sets him off. It was not even a suggestion(where then I could understand him getting agitated-being told what to do), it was phrased as a question. The eggshells are impossible to maneuver around him. To have a conversation on the phone is stressful in itself, just trying to not upset his apple cart. Today, I accidentally tipped that cart over. I was caught off guard when he called, was in the Cracker Barrel gift shop with his siblings, browsing around. I saw his call and as I walked out the door to answer it, thought 'ewww, not a good time to pick up...' but I did anyway. I didn't know there was a ticking bomb...waiting.</p><p></p><p>Autonomy is something I am trying to THROW his way. Are you kidding? He will be<strong> 24 </strong>in September. I want nothing to do with his life decisions....he needs to make them. All of them. If I even intervene in ONE, that is too much. I give some wisdom, if I have it, when I feel like he can accept it.</p><p><span style="color: #000000"></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000">The funny thing is, is that I have SO backed off on asking him 'questions'...for a long while now. The one day I do it? <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite9" alt=":eek:" title="Eek! :eek:" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":eek:" /></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000">He still is blaming everything he's done wrong in his life, on me - his 'roots'. Well, it takes 2 'roots' to create a child..what about the <em>other </em>root? That one gets a continuous free pass. And, he(son), the tree? I guess that 'tree' is innocent, too. Just plop it all on mom. </span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000">I'm sorry, but I am tired of it. I was not the perfect mom, but you know what? Who is? And I darned loved him to death. He wanted to marry me when he was 5. And he got a ton and plethora of my attention, sometimes even more than my husband got from me...and when I had his siblings...I made darned sure he didn't feel any left out. My mother barely gave me any attention, her men were more important. I made SURE to not do that to my son. Especially I felt guilt for him, that his father was local but really uninvolved. That made me sad. Maybe I over-corrected, which is not uncommon & not ideal. Not sure. But, I have apologized to him for anything I might have done in his growing up that was difficult for him. He, I think, has gripped on to that admission, and keeps using it to hurt me. Manipulate me, as addicts do. Using it to his benefit. But, it's getting old. </span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000">I feel like & have been told by professionals, that I am getting the anger that he has towards his father. He knows that I am the 'safe' one to abuse as my love is unconditional. Isn't that crazy to read? <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite5" alt=":confused:" title="Confused :confused:" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":confused:" /></span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="rebelson, post: 684247, member: 19966"] Copa- All I asked, was a question. He could have answered that question in any form or way which he felt like, and I would've been completely ok with his answer. [I]'No, I will not delete any toxic friends...' [/I][COLOR=#ff0080]OR[/COLOR][I] 'yes, I might do that, it could not hurt...' [/I][COLOR=#ff0080]OR EVEN[/COLOR] '[I]mom, butt out, it's my business..' [/I]It would've been lovely to hear that last one! Seriously. I would've been like, [I]'ok!'[/I] ;) Ok, that is all I was doing. Inquiring. That's it. I posted this on here, only to show how reactive he is. My husband, his stepfather, got the attitude. His paternal grandma got it, his aunt (whom lives with-grandma) got it. That's the MAIN reason that he was kicked out by grandma. They couldn't handle it, his attitude, anymore. He was being allowed to live in her home, for free, but would not obey the few rules she asked him to abide by. He was rude and also sometimes, hostile to both of them as well. He was spoiled there, fresh, hot, Italian cooked meals, she made his lunches when he had to work, etc. He didn't seem to appreciate it. He does not take rules well. He also spouted off to his HS teachers and some bosses. Whether he keeps or trashes his FB druggy friends, is his choice. 1 question -----> sets him off. It was not even a suggestion(where then I could understand him getting agitated-being told what to do), it was phrased as a question. The eggshells are impossible to maneuver around him. To have a conversation on the phone is stressful in itself, just trying to not upset his apple cart. Today, I accidentally tipped that cart over. I was caught off guard when he called, was in the Cracker Barrel gift shop with his siblings, browsing around. I saw his call and as I walked out the door to answer it, thought 'ewww, not a good time to pick up...' but I did anyway. I didn't know there was a ticking bomb...waiting. Autonomy is something I am trying to THROW his way. Are you kidding? He will be[B] 24 [/B]in September. I want nothing to do with his life decisions....he needs to make them. All of them. If I even intervene in ONE, that is too much. I give some wisdom, if I have it, when I feel like he can accept it. [COLOR=#000000] The funny thing is, is that I have SO backed off on asking him 'questions'...for a long while now. The one day I do it? :eek: He still is blaming everything he's done wrong in his life, on me - his 'roots'. Well, it takes 2 'roots' to create a child..what about the [I]other [/I]root? That one gets a continuous free pass. And, he(son), the tree? I guess that 'tree' is innocent, too. Just plop it all on mom. I'm sorry, but I am tired of it. I was not the perfect mom, but you know what? Who is? And I darned loved him to death. He wanted to marry me when he was 5. And he got a ton and plethora of my attention, sometimes even more than my husband got from me...and when I had his siblings...I made darned sure he didn't feel any left out. My mother barely gave me any attention, her men were more important. I made SURE to not do that to my son. Especially I felt guilt for him, that his father was local but really uninvolved. That made me sad. Maybe I over-corrected, which is not uncommon & not ideal. Not sure. But, I have apologized to him for anything I might have done in his growing up that was difficult for him. He, I think, has gripped on to that admission, and keeps using it to hurt me. Manipulate me, as addicts do. Using it to his benefit. But, it's getting old. I feel like & have been told by professionals, that I am getting the anger that he has towards his father. He knows that I am the 'safe' one to abuse as my love is unconditional. Isn't that crazy to read? :confused:[/COLOR] [/QUOTE]
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